...and the world spins madly on...

Starting Over

2011-09-01T18:15:00.000-07:00

It's time for a change.

http://everythingstartshere.wordpress.com/

Happily Ever After: Epcot

2011-07-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

I had planned a group event for Saturday - Celebrating Around the World. The goal was to get a drink or a snack from every country in Epcot's World Showcase. I sent out a newsletter to our guests before the wedding informing them of our various events, and indicated that we would meet up at 12:00 in the Mexico pavilion.

FAIL.

We were two hours late. Anyone who has been to Disney knows that you rely heavily on bus transportation and that oftentimes, it can take much longer than it should to get to your destination. I was a nervous wreck about people being late on the wedding day, so we hired outside transportation for that day. For all the other group events, I stressed to our guests to allow plenty of travel time in order to arrive on time. And who ended up being late to practically everything? Me.

Saturday's epic late-ness was not the fault of Disney transportation. It was completely, 100% our fault.

Let me explain:

We thought were were being smart when we decided to stay at a resort where none of our guests were staying. It was our "honeymoon" and we figured we would not want to be bothered once the wedding was over. This ended up being so not true. Our resort (Old Key West) was right next to where my parents, siblings, & John's best friend were staying (Saratoga Springs) and we were all connected through a boat line to Downtown Disney. Little did we know, it would take HOURS to go between our two resorts. This became a huge pain in the ass - Friday night after dinner it took 2 hours to get back to our hotel room. We also began to realize that we would not be spending that much time alone on this trip - we had our family and friends here with us in our favorite place in the world, and we wanted to take advantage of that.

So, staying by ourselves in a resort away from everyone else was starting to seem like a really bad idea.

We had to do some wedding errands with my parents that morning, so we got up early to bring some items to Port Orleans resort where all of our other guests were staying. Luckily, my parents had their van, so this took much less time than we'd anticipated. During the car ride over, John had suggested stopping at the concierge desk at Saratoga to see if there was any possibility they could transfer us to that resort.

Once back at Saratoga, we got in line in the lobby to talk to one of the check-in people. There just happened to be a cast member walking around the lobby trying to help guests with unusual requests. John and I went up to her and explained our predicament: we are in Disney for our wedding but we are spending all of our time on the buses going back and forth between our guest's resorts and it sucks - we were wondering if we could possibly transfer to a room at Saratoga so we could be close to our family.

This is when we realized for the first time that weekend that Disney was without a doubt a great decision for our wedding location. Not only did this cast member really care about our happiness, she was so excited for us and our wedding and wanted to make sure we had the best trip ever. She then spent the next TWO HOURS finding us a room that was not only at Saratoga, but a two-minute walk from my parents room. This was a huge feat when you consider how incredibly large and spread-out this resort is.

Now, some people might think we are weird for wanting to be so close to my parents on our honeymoon - but John's best friend was staying in my parents villa, along with both of my siblings and their two friends. Those are the people we knew we'd be spending a ton of time with once the rest of the wedding guests headed home, so it made a lot of sense. My only concern was that our rooms not be visible to each other - since I was staying with my parents the night before the wedding, I didn't want any chances that John could see us outside taking photos the morning of the wedding. This cast member achieved all of this and more.

By now, it is 12:00 and I have texted my sister and one of my bridesmaids letting them know we would be REALLY late to Epcot. Remember Epcot? That's what we were supposed to be doing today. There were 15 or so wedding guests in Epcot waiting for us to start our event. So, I put my sister in charge and told her we'd be there as soon as we could.

We still had to check OUT of Old Key West, check IN to Saratoga, and move all of our stuff over. John and I looked at each other - how the heck are we going to do all of this and still get to Epcot?!

Thank goodness my parents drove down! We used their van to book it over to Old Key West, where my mom, dad, John & his friend started packing up our villa. I was on the phone with concierge explaining that Saratoga had moved us over there and could we please check out ASAP? They were a little out of the loop so I had to stay on hold for a little bit while they called over to Saratoga to make sure I was not some crazy bridezilla. Finally, we loaded up my parents van and booked it back to Saratoga.

We went to go check in and had the nicest cast member ever (aside from Jill, the amazing wonder woman who was able to find us a room in a sold-out resort). He was so excited when he found out we were getting married in two days and gave us all sorts of cool "happily ever after" pins to wear. Then, the magic happened.

We always buy a dining plan when we go to Disney. It makes life so much simpler and it saves us a lot of money. They had to transfer our dining plan from one resort to another, no big deal. But this super-awesome-amazing cast member gave us a whole week's worth of the dining plan for FREE! Instead of having 2 snacks, 2 quick service meals, and 2 table service meals every day, we had 3 of each! This was almost $500 worth of free food. We were so excited about this because it meant we could get meals and snacks for some of our guests who had traveled so far for our day.

SO. We are finally checked in to Saratoga and decided we would just drop our luggage off and head strait to Epcot because at this point we are an hour and a half late for our event. Luckily we got on a bus right away and made it to Epcot by about 2pm. Two. Hours. Late.

By the time we walked into the park, made our way over to World Showcase, and found my siblings near the America pavilion, we realized just how hot it was - REALLY hot. My sister had been trying to contain all of our guests to one group, but people drifted off wanting to do their own thing, and she was exhausted after trying to keep up with everyone. We decided to go see a show inside the America Pavilion to give everyone a chance to cool off. At this point the "group event" died off and my siblings went to do their own thing. A couple aunts and uncles went to see some other stuff in the park. The eight of us that were left went in to see the show which was great as it always is, and it gave everyone a chance to calm down, sit down, and cool off.

After the show, my grandparents decided to find a shady spot to sit down for a while, and the rest of us went off in search of some slushie drinks. We found them in France, and paid $10 for each of the tiny slushies, but they were just what we needed at that point.

After our slushies, we split up even more. My parents went off to find my grandparents and siblings, and John & I went off with our friends to try to do a few more countries despite the heat. We walked through the shops and found a secluded air conditioned Japanese art gallery where we sat for a half hour waiting for our dinner reservations.

We had reservations for Via Napoli, a newer restaurant in the Italy pavilion. They specialize in pizza which is the meal John would pick if he had to pick one meal to eat for the rest of his life. Clearly, we had to eat here.

We each got individual pizzas that we could barely eat after the appetizer platter we'd ordered. On top of our drinks and the desserts that came with the dining plan. Needless to say, we were stuffed when we finally left (a trend that continued throughout the entire week). We were getting close to the time when the fireworks show Illuminations started, so we decided to head out of the parks. As we left, we passed by the venue for our VIP dessert party the night of the wedding, which was so much better than I'd been imagining in my head. It made me even more excited for our wedding day and the awesome ending we had planned for our guests.

Finally, we were back into our (new) villa and began unpacking for the second time in two days. We were both looking forward to the next day...our rehearsal, rehearsal brunch, and an afternoon by the pool with all of our guests. Little did John know, I had a sneaky surprise planned for him the next day...

Happily Ever After: We Arrive!

2011-07-24T18:18:00.001-07:00

So here we are at the beginning of our wedding weekend. I was going to post about the trip down to Orlando, but my SD card is missing in action and I have no pictures until the first night in Disney, and that would make for a pretty boring post. So, we begin with our day in Disney.

We had arrived in Orlando right on time and made our way to our resorts with no trouble at all. John and I checked in and then headed to the resort where my grandparents were staying to get lunch. We visited with them and a couple other wedding guests before heading to Downtown Disney to do some shopping and get park tickets for the best man. Before we knew it, my parents had arrived after spending two days in a car with my sister and her best friend, so we went over there to check in with them and make sure all of our wedding goodies (read: my dress) had arrived safely and in one piece. Then the boys all came to our resort to try on their tuxes and of course, the only one that did not fit correctly was John's!

After we took care of the tuxes my family left and we started getting ready for our first wedding event. I had made reservations for all of our wedding guests who arrived on Friday at our favorite resort - Saratoga Springs Resort & Spa. We were eating around 7pm at the Turf Club Bar & Grill, which gave everyone plenty of time to settle into their respective resorts. We were fashionably late (a trend during the entire week, which is so unlike me) and barely had time to get a drink and play a game of pool before our table was ready.

John & best man Josh

Me with dad and sister / Maid of Honor

There were 13 of us which was a perfect number. We filled up 4 tables that the restaurant pushed together. The meal was fantastic - we ended up coming back to this restaurant two more times during the course of our stay. It was a great way to kick off our wedding weekend: good food, good drinks, and lots of laughs with some of the most important people in our lives. The night flew by and little did I know it would be an indication of how quickly the entire week would be. After dinner, John surprised my entire family with Disney resort mugs - refillable for free at any Disney resort.

It was so surreal to be in Disney with my family/friends. I am used to going with my immediate family and John, but to be there with people who would normally never go was such a weird feeling. It meant so much to me that they had all traveled there for John & me. It hadn't hit me yet that we were getting married in just a few days...it felt more like we were on a big family reunion vacation.

We headed back to our resort - I don't think we got to bed until around midnight. The next morning we had to get up bright and early for our first day in the parks and an unexpected glitch in our plans...

Happily Ever After

2011-07-17T16:34:00.000-07:00

Professional photos are in! Get ready for a few weeks of non-stop wedding recaps.

It's official!

2011-07-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Our professional photographs are on their way to us!

Hopefully within the next week I will be able to start the wedding day re-cap. I'd like to start with the few days leading up to the wedding, so maybe tonight I will get started on that. I am very excited to re-live the entire weekend!

Our home reception is next weekend so I have been busy getting ready for that. We need to finalize things with the caterer, pick out music for the DJ, figure out the rest of the decorations...it's like planning a second wedding! At least this event is much, MUCH more informal and laid back, so if I forget to do something? No one will notice.

a little early for this, don't you think?

2011-06-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been reading a lot of new blogs and - gasp! - even commenting on some of them. I find it a little strange that the majority of them are mommy-blogs. Women who are pregnant. Women who just had a baby. Stay at home moms who write about their children. And, being the recently married person that I am, I have been fielding a lot of baby related questions. When are you going to have kids? How many do you want? Do you think you'll wait a long time? Do you and John both want kids? And on, and on, and on. This has led me to think a lot about babies and being pregnant. Pregnancy fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time. Is that normal?

I do want them. Definitely one, probably two, maybe three if we add on to the upstairs. The problem I am having is WHEN do I want them? Part of my screams "right now!" Another part of me wants to wait 2-3 years so I can establish myself more within my company, so we can save up some more for our "#$&@ happens" fund, so we can enjoy being married for a little while, enjoy the HOUSE we just bought, and so we can figure out how the heck we will pay for childcare or pay for insurance if I decide to drop down to part-time. Seriously, how the heck to people pay for kids? Childcare can be upwards of $900 a month in this area! Childcare! That doesn't include the extra cost of food, clothing, toys, medical bills, and all the other miscellaneous things you don't think about. With fuel costs as high as they are, and the price of groceries constantly rising, I get so nervous about having babies and then never again feeling comfortable financially the way we do now.

Oh, and don't let me forget about the actual childbirth part of things. I read some birth stories that hardly mention the pain, and then there are other stories that focus so much on how much contractions hurt, the 'ring of fire', and other ghastly things that I cannot even think about most of the time. Am I strong enough to go through that? I pass out all the time from pain! Can I really withstand an epidural? What about pregnancy fatigue, how will I deal with that? I am the crankiest person EVER when I am tired. Morning sickness? I have major issues with throwing up.

Is it really weird that I can't stop thinking about this?

730 Days

2011-06-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that my sweet little boy is two years old today. We took this picture the day we brought Marley home - I put my cell phone beside him to show people just how tiny he was. He was such a ball of fire when he was a baby. Always climbing up whatever he could get his claws into, especially our legs at dinnertime. He played so hard for short periods of time and then promptly passed out to regain his kitty-energy for the next go round. He adored his big brother Milo from the very start and even tried nursing on him for the first few weeks! He captured my heart and I have been head-over-heels for my little orange boy every single day since we brought him home.

Marley's 1st birthday was the day before we moved into our second apartment. He loved all the boxes we had everywhere and was always trying to break into the ones that were already packed. He loved our new apartment - it had 17 windows for him to choose from when he wanted to catch some rays or stalk some birdies. He was pretty skittish for the first few months there, but when he was with his Momma hewas the biggest love in the whole entire world. He loved snuggling on Saturday mornings even if it meant staying in bed until after noon. This was the year we learned that Marley hated having his claws trimmed - he has razor sharp claws that he never used in a mean way, but they were just so long that oftentimes he inadvertently scratched us. One trip to the vet and some scary kitty noises later, we decided Marley could keep his claws rather than going through the torture of having them trimmed every month.

Ignore my super-sized arm in this photo, thanks!

Marley has acquired several nicknames in the last two years: mar-mar, little man, mr. man, marley-mar, orange-boy, marzy, marzipan...the list goes on. He has grown into a whopping 14.2 lbs and loves getting treats from Daddy every night. He is definitely a lazy boy and sleeps almost all day, but he does love to play with his laser light and goes nuts chasing it around the house! There is just something about this boy that makes my heart melt. I love him to the moon and back.

Happy Birthday, my sweet boy!

i say we put our best foot forward

2011-06-20T15:23:00.000-07:00

I had something a little more heavy than this that I wanted to post today, but I am in a surprisingly chipper mood for a Monday, so this is what you get instead:

1. You wake up in the morning. What time is it probably?
My alarm goes off at 6:30, but 8 times out of 10 I snooze until 7:00. This week I have to get up on time with John because Marley is on antibiotics for pink eye (yes, my cat has pink eye) and it takes both of us to get the pills down his throat.

2. You get yourself some breakfast. What do you make?
Most of the time it's cereal with fruit. If I'm bored with that I'll make a bagel. Or, if I wake up really early, I'll take the time to scramble a couple eggs with toast. Oh, and always a cup of tea (of the caffeinated variety!)

3. Someone calls you on the phone. Who do you want it to be?
Hmm, I'm going to go with no one, because no one calls me that early. Unless it's work telling me to stay home during a snowstorm!

4. You turn on the TV for a bit. What channel do you put it on?
In the morning? Probably the news. But I hardly ever have time to do anything extra in the morning.

5. You have some time to kill before you leave. What do you do?
Geez, this is making me feel like the slowest person ever in the mornings! I am lucky if I get out of the door with any makeup on my face in the morning, let alone have time to kill!

6. You go and have a shower. How long does it take you?
If it's a morning shower it's quick - ten minutes tops. I usually try to take them at night though.

7. You decide to get yourself ready for your day. How long does it take?
Ten minutes? I don't do a lot during the week - mascara if I am lucky. Brush my teeth, put contacts in, that's about it on most days.

8. You put on some makeup. What do you put on?
Very little for work. Mascara, sometimes powder foundation and some blush.

9. You’re ready to leave. What do you take out with you?
My purse, sometimes a drink or a snack.

10. How long does it take you to get to work?
Depends, if I leave on time I take the scenic route by the river and it takes 10 minutes. If I leave late I go straight there and it takes 5.

11. What is the first thing you do when you get to work?
Turn my computer on, check my email, and get started on my to-do list.

12. Do you take part in office gossip/water cooler talk?
There are only 3 women in the office so we gossip about people around town, not each other.

13. Anything particularly annoying about each work day?
Some of the people that I work with - no one in my office though. Sometimes I am annoyed by the fact that every week is a repeat of the week before...same tasks, same emails, etc.

14. What’s the best part of the day?
Coming home from work. Especially if I see John's car in the driveway - I love it when he gets home before me!

15. Do you usually leave on time or stay late? Take any work home with you?
I hardly ever walk out the door exactly on time. Usually I'm there 10-15 minutes late, sometimes more. I don't really take work home because I don't get paid overtime.

16. The boss calls to tell you that don’t have to work, and you’re free for a whole day. What do you do?
Well, hopefully I got all of our household chores done over the weekend! I'd read a book, play with the cats, watch a girly movie, exercise, visit my sister.

17. With whom would you want to spend the day?
Myself! I hate being apart from John on the weekends (newlywed thing maybe?) so it'd be nice to have a day to myself during the week.

18. You go to the store to get some snackage, but it turns out you can only buy one thing there. What do you buy?
A Luna bar. I love them but never buy snacky stuff to keep in the house.

19. You’re walking down the street and you find a magic lamp that grants you 3 wishes. What do you wish for?
1.) Enough money to be a stay at home mom and still pay the bills. 2.) Health for my family. 3.) A longevity pill for my cats so they live as long as I do.

20. You meet a man who says he will give you your dream job, what is it?
I'd love to open a shelter for cats. I don't know the first thing about doing it, but I've always dreamed of being able to rescue the abandoned kitties of the world.

21. You can choose any concert of any singer/band in the world; whose do you go to?
Lifehouse. Front row. Duhh!

22. You get home & there’s a check for $50,000 in the mail for you. On what would you spend it?
Pay off my student loans and put the rest in the savings for our retirement.

23. You get to bring back anyone from the dead, famous or not. Who would it be?
I honestly do not know.

24. You get to interview your favorite celebrity. Who is it, and what would you ask him/her?
Hmmm. She is not my favorite but I think I would want to interview Rachel McAdams. I just think she is incredibly beautiful and talented. I have no idea what I'd ask her though.

25. You get to see into the future but you can only find out one thing about your future life. What would you want to find out?
Am I happy? Other than that, I think if I knew anything major, I'd spend my life waiting to get to it, and it wouldn't be nearly as fun as discovering things along the way.

26. At the end of your perfect day, you go on a perfect date; describe it.

my hero

2011-06-19T10:52:00.001-07:00

It's Father's Day, which means everyone on Facebook is posting about how great their dads are, and making photos of their dads their profile pictures.

Not going to lie, I did it too.

But the thing is -- my dad is different. He really is the best father anyone could ask for. He was a stay-at-home dad when we were little and although money was sometimes tight living on one income, I would not trade it for anything.

He is the most hardworking person I know. He's overcome adversity more times than you can imagine. Without going into a lot of detail, he had a pretty rough childhood at times, and a lot of people would use that as an excuse to live the same way as an adult. Not my dad. He has always tried to be the best father, husband, and provider he could be. And you know what? He surpassed all of that. He's more than anyone could ever ask for.

I have the best memories of my childhood thanks to my dad. When we had snow days he would build us igloos and forts in the snow - complete with snow sofas and snow chairs and tunnels that wound through the backyard. When we had a rainy summer day, he made us Native American costumes out of left over paper grocery bags. Every day after lunch we would walk up to the market to get Junior Mints and to stop at the library to return our borrowed books.

He's also know as Mr. Fix It and can repair any house problem you can think of. He built our entire family room addition himself when I was ten years old. He's already helped John and me with countless little projects in our home since we bought it three months ago.

My dad, in one word, is amazing. I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for his support, love and constant encouragement. Happy Father's day, Dad. You are the best!

Balance

2011-06-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

I am still anxiously waiting for the photographer to send us the photos from the wedding - I am sure it will be at least another four weeks until we get them. Despite my desire to post about nothing other than our wedding day and how insanely happy I am to be married to my best friend, I am trying to keep this blog active, which means I have to post about something OTHER than our wedding day and how insanely happy I am to be married to my best friend until our photos are in. So. Here's another guest photo to hold you (mostly me) over until the wait is over:

Since we have returned from our wedding/honeymoon, I have felt like such a slug. We ate so much food in Disney which is fine - it was vacation, and Disney food is SO yummy. But, the week we got back was also the start of my monthly hormonal food-fest and I nearly ate my body weight in food for a week straight. Last week I tried to watch what I ate and I did cut back. I ate salad every day for lunch and did not snack as much after dinner. But, one of my co-workers brought in a huge bag of mini Hershey bars (dark chocolate, to be specific) and I had epic fails every afternoon. There was one afternoon where I think I ate 8 or 9 of them! So, while my meals were better, my mid-afternoon chocolate binges did not help my cause.

I weighed myself last Monday and despite my scale suddenly reading my weight in kilograms rather than pounds, I saw the highest weight I've ever seen. To be fair, there was a good stretch of time where I did not weigh myself due to my eating disorder, and it's very possible that I've weighed as much as 10 lbs more than I do now, but it is very eye-opening to see a number you've never seen on the scale before. People tell me all the time that I look great. I don't believe it. I think people say that to me a lot because of my history with eating disorders, as if telling me I look thin will keep those behaviors and tendencies at bay. Wrong.

Yes, I look thinner than I did when I was purging all the time because purging made my face very swollen and puffy. As soon as I went a month without purging, my face totally thinned out. I think the way I dress now really hides a lot of my imperfections compared to the way I dressed a few years ago. I know which styles flatter my body shape and wear those more than other styles. I loved my wedding dress for the fact that it laced up and helped "control" my biggest problem area. But, I am so self-conscious of nearly every part of my body.

I hate my arms. I hate how they look so floppy in a lot of our guest's wedding photos. I hate my scar. This was actually a big question for me on the wedding day - to cover it up or to leave it alone. I chose to leave it alone because it kind of brought John & me together. But, I am still embarrassed to have the Rocky Mountains engraved on my left arm. I hate my thighs. I hate how large they are and the fact that I have cellulite on them. I hate my belly. Sometimes I feel like I look like a pregnant person at the end of the day.

So, I need to do something about these insecurities. Only, it is hard for me to do that without reverting to my old ED habits. It's hard for me to count calories because I tend to get very obsessive about them and over time I cut back more, more, more and even more. It's hard for me to NOT count calories because I lost track of how much I've eaten. I forget that every little bite here and there adds up. I forget that liquids have calories. It's a hard balance to maintain - keeping track but not over-doing it. I love to exercise but I hate actually doing it. I procrastinate like there's no tomorrow. I find every reason to not start. Once I do, I love it. It's getting to that point that is hard for me. I need to just treat it like brushing my teeth or taking a shower - something that just gets done everyday without thinking.

So, here I go. Tomorrow is my first day of calorie-cutting and exercise (on our brand new and very expensive elliptical). If nothing else, I have to use it or else John will be really mad at me for spending so much money on it!

end of the world

2011-06-10T09:15:00.000-07:00

The weather this year has been pretty scary.

We got so much snow in January and February. More snow than I've ever seen in my 23 years living in CT. I'm talking foot after foot after foot piled up, some ice mixed in - snow banks so high that you had to literally creep into intersections because it was impossible to see what was coming. Roads were one lane wide in some places because there was simply no place to put the snow. Dump trucks were brought in to haul snow out of the intersections. I remember standing in front of my car ready to burst into tears because it was literally buried in a pile of snow. I wish I had thought to take pictures. We really felt like it would never melt.

Now, we are experiencing some really scary thunderstorms. Between the tornadoes that touched down in Springfield, MA last week (about 45 minutes away from us) and the horrific band of thunderstorms that ripped through yesterday, I've had my fair share of bad weather to last me for the rest of the year. We got sent home from work early when the sky started to turn black. Yes, black. I got home and the phone rang - it was John making sure I was home. He was driving through the storm and said it was intense. Later, he told me he could see the clouds swirling, which would have completely freaked me out. I had every light in the house on to make the lightning outside less visible. I had the cats in their carriers in case we had to go into the basement. I had every candle out on the kitchen counter ready to go.

We ended up being fine. Luckily, John beat the storm to our house so I wasn't alone when it was really bad here. We had the news on, which probably scared me even more, but I wanted to keep watching the doppler to see when the storm would be out of here. It last about an hour, but for those of us who are terrified of bad weather, it felt a lot longer. Thankfully no one was hurt (as far as I know), but over 120,000 people were without power. Ours flickered, but never went out. Thank goodness. I'm such a wimp when it comes to weather - I hate things that I can't control. I know a ton of people who love storms...not me!

So, Mother Nature, if you're reading this, can you please be nice to us for the rest of the year? We thought we had enough bad weather this winter to deserve being spared for the rest of the year.

the story of right now

2011-06-06T17:49:00.001-07:00

- I have never in my life enjoyed looking at photos of myself as much as I enjoy looking at our wedding photos. The cosmetology team I hired was worth every single penny. I truly felt pretty on our wedding day.

- John let me buy an elliptical! It's being delivered on Saturday. I can't wait, especially after getting on the scale this morning and seeing a number I've never seen. (PS - my scale all of a sudden changed to metric. Way to confuse me at 7:00 in the morning!)

- We also bought a patio set. We spent too much money this weekend. I love how our yard is coming together, though.

- Is it normal to want to snuggle my cats instead of go to work? It's a dilemma I face every day.

- Sometimes I still wake up in the morning and think, 'how many days until the wedding?' Then I realize it happened TWO WEEKS AGO and nearly faint. How did that happen?!

- Summer is already going by too quickly. I blame it on working 40 hours a week. Seriously, it is not cool being stuck in an office during prime beach hours.

June: Goals

2011-06-04T05:39:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it is June already. It really feels like 2011 just got here and now it's halfway over.

I want to try to slow my life down a little. I know that in 3, 4 or 5 years life could be totally hectic if we start for a family soon. We figure we've got about two years of just the two of us before we start trying, so in a way, I feel like I need to really appreciate that time together. As I get older, time seems to go by faster and faster, and before I know it a year has gone by and I can't even remember what I did with my time. Of course, if I sit down and really think, I can remember what happened. January - we were hermits due to the never-ending snow. February - same as January. March - we bought a house and were crazy moving in. April - wedding, wedding, wedding. May - even more wedding, wedding, wedding (as evidenced by my lack of posting!). June - clean slate?

I want to start and end each month with 1.) my goals for the month and b.) reflection on how the month went. Maybe that will help me to really think about how I choose to spend my time and hopefully, I will feel better when I look back each month.

So, without further adieu, my goals for June:

1.) Finish unpacking. Yes, we are still not completely unpacked from our move in MARCH. I want to tackle the two spare bedrooms. This includes putting all of our winter clothes into plastic bins and moving them into the attic for the summer, setting up my scrapbooking/photo area in the smaller bedroom, and putting up shelving so I can unpack all the boxes with my Disney snowglobes.

2.) Put up a clothesline. I have the clothespins, I just need to get the actual line. I know our electric bill is going to skyrocket with the air conditioners if it gets really hot again, so this will be a way to save a little money.

3.) Quit spending so much time on Facebook. Dedicate only one night to spend more than a half hour on there. If I'm going to be online, it needs to be for something more productive that creeping on people that I haven't seen in years.

4.) Be healthier. This month I want to focus on making better choices. 75% of the time I will choose something healthy on my own. When we go out, I tend to WAY overeat. When I snack, I tend to WAY overeat. When it's that time of the month, I just eat all the time, healthy stuff and bad stuff.

Also, I am in the process of talking John into buying a treadmill or elliptical. We have a sun porch in our house and all it does is collect junk, but it would be perfect for a piece of exercise equipment. I would put the machine upstairs, but then that means moving it downstairs when we have kids and the idea of moving big pieces of equipment like that scares me, so I want to put it somewhere where it can stay. Forever. Anyway, we just paid off our Sears card after buying a washer/dryer/oven. There are really good sales right now (as in $1000 off in some cases!). Also, I have to go over a really old bridge to get to the gym. Next week, they are starting construction on the bridge which is going to be a major pain in the butt. There are two lanes in each direction, and they are closing down one lane in each direction for A YEAR AND A HALF. I am used to the bridge because I've lived in this town my whole life and I have to go over it to get to civilization, but people on the other side of the river are afraid of it. It's going to suck. But back to my point: I won't be going to the gym once construction starts. So, I need something here. In my house. So I can't make excuses. But I won't make it a goal since it's a hefty purchase and those kinds of things need John's approval. I'd like it to happen this month, though!

Mr. & Mrs.

2011-06-01T18:32:00.001-07:00

I am still sorting through guest photos, waiting for professional photos, and organizing what I want to say about our wedding weekend (there will most likely be several posts), but here is a little sneak peek to hold you over:

It was an incredible ten days, and the wedding itself was just wonderful. It was the very best day of my life and I would not change a thing about it. We are pretty busy getting back into our little routines and cleaning up the house (hot weather + hardwood floors + four shedding kitties = tumbleweed-esque clumps of fur blowing through the entire first level of the house) and unpacking but I hope to set aside some time soon to start writing about our trip and our wedding.

You can watch the "sneak peek" from our videographer if you want a glimpse at our ceremony (it's really just our vows):
www.stvsweddings.com - click Sneak Peeks, then click our names.
username: blu-ray
password: magic

Enjoy!

spring has sprung

2011-04-26T16:26:00.001-07:00

I finally feel like I can say Winter 2011 is OVER.

We took the babies outside on Easter because it was so beautiful out. I don't let them out of my hands, though. I'm a nervous kitty momma. Bubba didn't get to go out because he is NOT a fan of being held, unless it's by John. So he watched from the sunroom.

I am thoroughly enjoying the sunshine and warmer temperatures. It's exciting to see the various plants that are coming up in the yard. I especially love the tree with pink flowers, they are so pretty right now. I know next to nothing about gardening, but it seems like there are quite a few flowers that are coming up on their own so far. I have a lilac bush and a hydrangea plant in the front yard, and a dogwood tree in the back. There are lots of hosta plants coming up along the sides of the house and I know that they fill in really well. Maybe I won't have to do a ton of work to get some curb appeal!

Introducing...

2011-04-23T06:55:00.001-07:00

Giving you guys a break from the incessant OMIGOD MY WEDDING IS NEXT MONTH posts with this lovely photo:

This is Bubba! He is a six year old tabby whose parents were being forced to move and could not take their pets with them. I got an email at work last Wednesday about the animals. (There was also an 11 year old border collie/german shephard mix that needed a home). Being the sucker that I am, I texted John and fibbed a little teensy-tiny bit that if he didn't find a home he would be euthanized and asked if we could meet him. Of course he said yes! Who can say no to an almost-dying kitty!?

Don't worry, I came clean to John that night after I'd already scheduled the meeting. (Muahahaha).

So anyway. Last Saturday around 2pm Bubba arrived at our house. He came right out of his carrier and started making himself at home. He tore into the buckets we keep the cat toys in (seriously, he hopped right in, like in the picture above, and started throwing out every toy he could find). Milo and Marley made a mad dash for the upstairs once they realized what was playing with their toys, and little Nala parked herself right under the rocking chair to keep an eye on the intruder.

We decided on the spot to take him. Not that there was any choice! How could either of us say no after meeting him? I was a little hesitant because he was not up to date on his shots and had not been to the vet in 3 years, but he was strictly an indoor kitty so the chances of him having anything were slim. And our cats are very laid back, so the chances of a cat-fight occurring were also slim.

After Bubba's parent's left, he got a little more uneasy with us. Before they left they had mentioned that they thought he was about 9 years old, which was older than we were expecting. He sure seemed it that first day - he was very cranky! He claimed the toy area as HIS spot and none of the other cats were allowed within a 2 ft radius of him. [Side Note: My next task is to actually post pictures of our new house because then you would understand what the "toy area" is. People walk into our house and are like "What is this, a cat farm?!" There are so many toys, ha]. He also hissed at our cats - which I totally expected. And our cats hissed right back. Even Milo! I have never seen Milo hiss. He is seriously the most laid back and easy going cat in the world. Anyway. Bubba did not really like me or John that day either. Which I completely understand - it's got to be awfully stressful to go on a 45 minute car ride and be dropped off in a strange house with three strange cats.

We gave Bubba his space for the next day or two. By the end of day two, the three male cats were able to walk by each other without freaking out. Nala was a different story. Maybe it was because she is the only female, or maybe because she is the youngest, or maybe just because she is SO SPOILED, I'm not sure. But she was NOT happy to have a new kitty in the house. She was seriously being a huge brat. If Bubba went somewhere that she was not happy with, she'd run right after him and pounce right in front of him, which terrified him. Nala has always been allowed on the counters in the kitchen for two reasons. 1.) I seriously can't yell at her. She's too cute. She's my baby. 2.) She doesn't listen. Mommy-fail. Milo and Marley really don't go on them much. So the counters are Nala's. When Bubba jumped up, oh man, cue the start of Kitty World War I. I am sure she felt threatened, like we were replacing her or something, so I tried to not get too mad at her. But I would say by Wednesday, she and Bubba could walk by each other with no growling, hissing, or swatting. They touched noses a couple times, and generally were getting along. They are still not BFFs, but that will come with time.

Yesterday Bubs had his first vet appointment and he did really well! The vet changed his age to 6 and said he was very healthy. He tested negative for FIV and handled his vaccinations beautifully. I cannot believe we now have four cats, or that I just wrote an entire post about my cats, but it makes me feel good to have rescued our third cat. And really, Marley was a rescue in my opinion because who wants to live in a pet store? Yes, we paid for him, but I just could not bear to leave him in that smelly, overcrowded store. And ohhhh, the cuteness! So, I tell myself I've rescued all four of them. And here are pictures of the other three, just so they don't feel left out:

Nala, Queen of the Counters:

Marley, always my little man:

And our gentle giant, Milo:

it's flying by

2011-04-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

When we got engaged nearly 2 years ago, I had grand plans to really savor each moment of our wedding planning process. My mom bought me a journal for all my wedding plans and ideas. I've used it, that's for sure, but have I used it to write really descriptive entries about what I'm thinking, feeling, wishing and hoping for? No. I've jotted down music ideas, floral ideas, little thoughts here and there. I have a huge excel spreadsheet on my computer at work full of my plans: guest list, budgets, seating charts, group events, vendors, and more. It's my wedding-planning bible.

Planning a destination wedding has been a really neat experience - one that I would not trade for anything. I know our wedding will be incredibly fun and unique. I feel a little sad that I haven't chronicled it the way I'd imagined. Now that we are 33 days away from our I Do's (!!!) I want to somehow capture it all so that I will remember it in 5, 10, 15, 20 years. I know that is not an attainable goal right now - with so many other items that need to be crossed off my to-do list. Not to mention my last-ditch effort to lose a few pounds before the big day! I definitely have a full plate for the next four and a half weeks.

So. I am making a commitment to capture as many details of our wedding week as possible. I want to recount it all on this blog - from the day we arrive in Disney until the day we leave. Here is a quick snapshot of what that week should go:

Friday: Arrive in Orlando around 10:00AM, head to our resort to check-in, pick up our tuxes from Bell Services and make sure they all fit, get together all of our wedding items and deliver them to Franck's (the wedding studio by the Wedding Pavilion), and maaaybe if we aren't too exhausted, hop on the monorail and head into the Magic Kingdom. That night we have our first group event - dinner reservations at my parent's resort with 14 of our guests.
Saturday: sleep in! We are heading to Epcot around noon to kick off our second group event: Celebrating Around the World. We are planning to hit as many of the countries in World Showcase as we can to sample food and drinks. Yum! That night John and I have reservations with his best man and one of my bridesmaids at an Italian restaurant.
Sunday: Our rehearsal is at 9:30 in the morning and from there we go straight to our rehearsal brunch with our wedding party. After that we are inviting everyone back to our resort for an afternoon of lounging around the pool. Hoping to keep it low-key and relaxed...I know I will be a bundle of nerves with the wedding the next day!
Monday: WEDDING DAY! Cosmetology will arrive around 6:30 in the morning, the photographer & videographer arrive around 9:00, and we head over to the Grand Floridian Resort around 10:30 for bridal party photos. Wedding is at 12:00, cocktail hour at 1:00, reception at 2:00, and our Epcot dessert party is at 8:00. It will be a long day but I think it's going to be incredibly amazing.
Tuesday: sleep in! We have breakfast reservations around 10am, and then we'll see where the day takes us. We have our farewell dinner at the Polynesian that night with 26 guests.
Wednesday-Sunday: Other than our dining reservations, we have no concrete plans. We'll probably go with the flow and try to hang out with as many of our guests as we can before everyone heads back home. After all, how many chances will we ever get to be in the happiest place in the world with the people we love the most? Nada!

So that's my goal: when we get back, I am going to bore you with all the little details of our wedding events! While I am sad that I have not chronicled my planning thus far, I really want to make sure I write it all down afterwards. Plus, I am sure it will help with the post-wedding blues - I won't know what to do with all my free time!

BTW - we have a new addition to our family. Coming up in my next post!

Fifty.

2011-04-03T16:05:00.000-07:00

50 is not really that big of a number.

When I was little, I thought $50 made me rich. Ha! $50 barely gets me enough gasoline for the week... but I digress.

When we set our wedding date, we had 500-something days to wait. I looked forward to every "milestone" number as we counted down the days. 450 days, 400 days, 350 days, 300 days, and so on. I was really excited a few months ago when we hit 100 days, and then 99 the day after. Double digits!

Now we have 50 days left. FIFTY DAYS. And we have only 47 days until we leave.

This number is pretty much freaking me out right now. I really don't want it to be over. I remember my very first trip to Disney in 1997 - riding on the monorail past the Wedding Pavilion and thinking "That's where I want to get married someday." Someday is here - in a mere fifty days. How did that happen so quickly?!

give a little heart and soul

2011-03-27T05:57:00.001-07:00

Bullets, because I have not updated in forever and this is easier than writing full paragraphs about everything that has been going on:

-We are moved into our house! We found out we were closing an hour and a half ahead of time, and then spent the following four days painting, cleaning, moving, painting, cleaning, moving...
-I posted some photos on facebook but I need to get outside today and get some photos of the actual house. I want to wait on inside photos a bit longer because as soon as we get one room unpacked, we start a new project and it gets messy again.
-My bridal shower was last weekend and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have so many incredible family and friends. My mom pulled off an incredible afternoon with lots of tea and cupcakes. People were VERY generous and I felt like we moved again last weekend with the amount of stuff I brought home!
-The wedding is in 57 days (FIFTY SEVEN!!). I have so much to do. You don't even want to see my to-do list, it will make you sick.
-I had intended to make one of the spare bedrooms into "wedding central" but that room has not even been unpacked yet. Not to mention I need a table to assemble all of my DIY crafts. I have no table.
-Milo is terrified of ceiling fans. We have three of them now, and at first he would not even go into those rooms because they freaked him out so much. Now he just gets freaked out about them when they are on. I hope he comes around because I fully intend on using them a lot this summer.
-My aunt asked me if Marley was pregnant yesterday. I replied that Marley is a boy. I guess I need to cut down on his food consumption? He really doesn't eat a ton but he is L-A-Z-Y. I keep telling him to exercise but he just rolls over and goes back to sleep.
-Nala has adjusted perfectly and was Queen of the house within minutes. So much so, that she feels it's within her rights to sprawl out on the kitchen counters. We've started spray-bottle training her this weekend and when she sees it, her eyes get all scrunched up and she slowly makes her way off the counters.
-John's family is no longer coming to our wedding. It's been a really long, stressful six weeks, but they have shown their true colors not only to us, but to my whole family, and I am relieved that we don't have to worry about them on the wedding day anymore. John is beyond hurt that his family could treat him this way, but he is also relieved that he doesn't have to worry about them anymore. It's a blessing in disguise, I think. I could write a whole book about the drama that's been going on but I'll save it for another time.
-I had my fitting for my dress two weeks ago and O-M-G I LOVE IT. I have my second fitting this Saturday and my hair trial right after - Squee!
-I am desperate for warmer weather. Even if it's just 60's! I am so sick of cold weather. It's almost April, weather gods! Give me some warmth!
-I cannot wait to go on vacation for 10 days. In the warm Florida sun! With my most favorite people in the world!
-I am going to miss my fur babies like crazy, though. I'll probably be a nervous wreck for the week leading up to the wedding.

remember the time I said I was buying a house?

2011-03-04T04:55:00.000-08:00

We have been so busy lately. I've had wedding questions from my planner to answer, decisions to make, INVITATIONS TO MAIL OUT [this took FOREVER], and the list goes on. It's been an especially stressful couple of weeks on the house front, though. It seems like the seller is the slowest person on Earth. There have been lots of bits and pieces that need to be sorted out - papers to be signed & permits to be shown, and of course we've been dealing with the ever-difficult VA.

We are getting a VA home loan that John is eligible for after serving in the Army for 8 years. They are pretty picky about some things, but they are also SO SLOW at getting anything done. But there was one thing that ticked me off - John had to sign a piece of paper stating that he was not going to be deploying in the next 12 months, because if he was, the VA considered it "bad faith." REALLY!? If he were to deploy [which he won't; his time was up almost 2 years ago] the bank would say we reneged on the loan. I just couldn't believe that. How can you tell service men and women that they cannot buy a house if they are to deploy within 12 months? How awful is that?!

Anyway. Rant aside, things are moving along, albeit a bit slowly and stressfully. [Stressfully is not a word but I just made it up. Don't judge]. We should be closing next week! Hopefully the move will go smoothly because by the end of March, we will be in full-force Wedding Mode. Please bear with me through the sporadic posts until June - I cannot even believe it's March already. I don't know where the last 2 months have gone.

PS - our 4583745 feet of snow is finally melting. Please, weather gods, please melt it all away before we move next weekend!? Please?!

PPS - my first wedding dress fitting is next weekend also. -freaking out about fitting into it-

one big announcement coming up...

2011-02-13T13:44:00.001-08:00

Bullets because it's been forever...

-- Winter 2011... I will never forget you. One of the major reasons why I have not posted in forever is because of the weather. We have not been on Mother Nature's good side since Christmas. We broke the record for amount of snowfall in January with storm after storm. We got one storm that dropped 30 inches, another that dropped 18, a few that dropped 5-6, oh and let's not forget the ice storms that came by too. We lost power completely a few times, and we lost our cable service (phone, TV, internet) for over a week. Not to mention, the snowbanks at intersections are SO HIGH because there is nowhere to put the snow. It was pretty bad for a while, but luckily we have had over a week with no snow so it has started to melt a little.

-- Wedding is in 99 days! I'm almost finished with the invitations and then it's on to the favors. Then the table names, escort cards, programs...am I forgetting anything?? My dress finally arrived so I have my first fitting on March 12th. I'm so excited for that. I need to purchase my shoes by then (aka flip flops) and any undergarments I plan on wearing. My shower is on March 19th and I finally finished our registries at Bed Bath & Beyond and Target. Those were painful! I feel so awkward picking out all these gifts for people to buy me.

-- **BIG ANNOUNCEMENT** We bought a house! This is another reason why I have avoided the interwebs lately. I have been so excited about this, but we wanted to keep quiet until we were sure that it was a done deal. It's an old farm house that was built in 1869. It's a flip, so it's all renovated and move-in-ready. We are tentatively set to close in about a month, so it's going to be a really hectic and stressful couple of months coming up. Not only are we finishing up a million little things for the wedding, we are also picking out paint colors and new furniture and Oh Em Gee! The excitement!

So, there we have it. My life over the last several weeks summed up in a couple bullets. With everything we've got going on, I still want to make it a priority to fit in exercise and healthy eating so I feel beautiful on the big day. I'm looking into buying some Zumba dvd's - does anyone have any suggestions?

Only kindness matters

2011-01-08T16:39:00.000-08:00

There was a story in the news this week about a man who committed suicide and published a seven page suicide note on the Internet explaining why he took his own life. He was from my area, and actually went to school with John. It has made national headlines because he was a grad student at Princeton, but it has shaken up quite a few people locally who knew him, his family, or bits and pieces of information surrounding the story.

I read the article, the suicide note and the comments that were posted beneath the article. It's been on my mind all day - I've never read a suicide note before, nor do I personally know anyone who has taken their own life. If you take a few minutes to read the article and/or his note, you'll see that he was raped as a young child, but never received help for what he went through. His parents are Christian Fundamentalists that kicked him out of their home when he was 19 years old because he did not follow their beliefs. [Side note: His parents actually belong to the same church that a family very close to me belongs to. I do not agree with the church, and I have had my own opinions that this church is very much like an occult ever since meeting This Family, and this story 150% confirms those opinions]. The suicide note and some of the comments under the article imply that the church is partially responsible for the suicide - particularly the pastor of the church and the children's minister (who is also the principal of the school that this man attended as a young child). I am not saying that either of these men are responsible for the child molestation that led to this suicide, but I do not think it is out of the realm of possibility. I also think that the brainwashing that goes on in this church is responsible for the parent's disowning their son because his beliefs did not agree with theirs.

I thought that a church was supposed to be a safe haven, a place you can go to for love and forgiveness. I do not believe church should be places where you are judged, condemned, and made to feel worthless. I believe that "Christians" can be some of the most hateful and judgmental people on this earth. It makes me so sad that this man was exposed to such a cult-like group and was not able to lean on his family or his church for support during his difficult times. It makes me so angry that this church is trying to put this in the past so quickly. This Family I know attended church this past Wednesday night, and the pastor brought up this suicide towards the end of the service. He explained to his congregation that this event has brought the church a bad image and it would be best to put it in the past. If that does not scream "guilty" then I don't know what does. What does it teach other children and young adults that belong to this church? Does it teach them that the church will be there to support them in their time of need, or does it teach them that the church will only be there if it does not create a poor image of the church? I asked the mom in This Family how she would feel if this were her son, and she said it would make her want to leave the church. Okay. But how is this any different? It may not be her son that committed suicide this time, but what about next time? Is it really safe to continue to be a member of this church and expose her children to this kind of hatred and judgment? Is it right to expose them to an institution that tells that life is black and white with no room for gray? I believe we should treat other people with kindness, compassion, and understanding. I believe parents need to be responsible and take care of their children. In this case, the parents of this man did not do what they should have after their son was raped as a young child, all because of this church.

It's hard for me to articulate everything I want to say about this issue. Knowing This Family attends the same church is difficult because I've long suspected something was not right with this church. Reading the suicide note has confirmed my beliefs and it makes me sad and scared at the same time that This Family will most likely continue to go to this church and fall into the brainwashed trap that is being laid out for them. I know everyone has freedom of religion, but at what point do we say "this has gone too far?"

making an effort.

2011-01-06T15:41:00.000-08:00

I am tired, my eyes feel heavy, and all I want to do is curl up on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and watch TV. (Maybe not the TV part. There is a hockey game on tonight so that's what will be on our TV. Hockey on TV = boring!)

Instead, I am going to get my butt into my gym clothes and head out into the freezing cold air and drag myself into the gym.

I've done awesome this week as far as eating goes. I've been to the gym twice. I made it a goal to go at least four times a week. It's going to snow tomorrow night. If I have any chance at meeting my goal, I have to go tonight and Saturday.

Soooo, to the gym I go.

Post Edit: Really glad I went!

Ever, Ever After

2011-01-05T18:37:00.000-08:00

There are so many aspects of our upcoming wedding that are important to me. Photography, videography, the ceremony, invitations, programs, etc. Just about the only thing that I completely left in John's hands was the cake. I am not a huge fan of cake - it all tastes the same to me. Picking out our cake was something John could actually get excited about because he was able to taste all the different cake flavors and their prospective fillings. He chose marble cake with amaretto filling for our bottom tier (the bigger one) and almond cake with raspberry filling for our top tier. Moving on...

Music is really important to me in my non-wedding planning life. My mom always had the radio on or a CD playing when I was growing up. One of my favorite childhood memories is of the day my mom was standing on the kitchen table singing into a wooden soup ladle when the neighbors spotted her - and stopped dead in their tracks. She brought me to my first concert when I was five years old and that is when my love for live music was born. I love all different genres of music, but my heart belongs to Country music. It has been really difficult for me to choose various songs for different parts of our day - I could leave most of them up to the DJ but it makes me really sad that he could potentially pick songs that mean nothing to me. That's the biggest thing - songs have so much meaning to me. I don't want my wedding to be generic wedding songs, but at the same time I don't want to play songs that are so obscure my guests don't recognize them. I need to choose songs for:

Prelude - I'm thinking I will let the organist play a compilation of Disney songs. This is the easy route, otherwise I need to come up with a few songs to play, but I won't actually be around to hear any of them so does it really matter?
Parent/Grandparent Processional - I'm leaving this decision in my mom's hands. She has a couple songs picked out, but as long as she is happy then I am happy.
Groom/Groomsmen Processional - I'm leaning towards Yellowcard's Three Flights Up. I feel funny using modern songs with words during the ceremony so I've been hunting for instrumental-only versions of songs that mean something to us, but I haven't had much luck. I found this about a year ago and fell in love.
Bridesmaid Processional - I'm 95% sure that we're going to use the Vitamin String Quartet version of Taylor Swift's Love Story. It's fun and playful, it's an instrumental version of a song I love, and I get teary when I listen to it. Good sign, right?
Bride's Processional - Canon in D Major on the organ. I don't want any traditional "here comes the bride" music - but at the same time I want something that really screams "here comes the bride!" Does that make sense??
Unity Candle - For The Beauty of the Earth on the organ. This song is in my favorite movie of all time, Little Women. It's during the scene where Meg gets married and I've loved it since I was a little girl. It sticks with my theme of non-word songs during the ceremony and I just think it's beautiful.
Recessional - here is where I have some fun! I want an upbeat, happy song to leave the chapel as husband and wife. I thought about using Welcome by Phil Collins (it's in the Disney movie Brother Bear). I thought about using What I Like About You by The Romantics, Beautiful Day by Lee DeWyze, Forever by Chris Brown, This Will Be an Everlasting Love by Natalie Cole, and so many others. But, I was watching a commercial for the Disney movie Enchanted over the weekend and was inspired by Carrie Underwood's Ever Ever After. It is perfect because our theme is Happily Ever After! I don't care how cheesy it is, I love it.

Moving onto the reception...
Entrance into reception - I'm thinking about Michael Franti's Say Hey I Love You. It's fun and upbeat and the lyrics are pretty cute. Also in the running are Beautiful Day and Forever, leftover from the Recessional slot. Any other ideas??
First Dance - AHHHH! I can't find one to save my life. We were going to use Lifehouse. We both love them. I thought about You Can Shake the Mountains, but I am having some doubts. John wants You and Me, but I think that is such an overplayed song that I'd feel like a teenybopper using it. Everything is too long. I like this one song that came out on Country radio last spring - Whatever It Is by Zac Brown Band. I really love it. When I first heard it I immediately thought it would be a great first dance song. John is okay with it and prefers it over some of my more girly suggestions. My problem here is that I want us both to LOVE the song we pick. Help??
Cake Cutting - Sugar Sugar by the Archies. Done deal! From another favorite movie of mine, Now and Then, and I think it's is perfect for the amount of sugar we will be ingesting ;)
The Father/Daughter song is in my dad's hands, and Mother/Son is in John's mom's hands. I'm working on finding a song for our last dance and I've been toying with Taylor Swift's Today Was a Fairytale just because, well, I'm hoping that the day IS a fairytale!

I know some of them probably seem cheesy, but I'm also kind of a cheesy person. I cry during ASPCA & Disney commercials and I love chic lit. Some of my favorite music is either inappropriate for the ceremony or too country for John. I'd love any suggestions I can get!

2011

2011-01-02T18:01:00.001-08:00

I am getting married this year!!!

Okay, now that we've gotten that out of the way...

Hello 2011, where did you come from? 2010 flew by so fast. I say that every year but this year it really flew by. When we got engaged in the summer of 2009 so many people told us that our engagement would go by very quickly and I remember thinking "yeah, right." It's amazing how right they were. I was going to do a re-cap of 2010, but I didn't really blog enough during the year. Instead, I think I'll post my resolutions for 2011. Maybe putting them out there will help me stick to them??

1. Focus on my health. This has always been a resolution of mine and it's gotten me in trouble before. I am not overweight but I am at the top of my healthy weight range and I'd like to be more in the middle...so part of this goal is to lose between 10 and 15 pounds. I struggled with an eating disorder for several years during high school and college and even though I no longer severely restrict my calorie intake or throw up everything I do eat, it's really difficult for me to "go on a diet." When I was hospitalized in 2006 I gained a lot of weight and I have not been able to lose it in a healthy way since then. Part of the reason is due to the eating disorder... I have several problems with my digestive system as a result of all the purging. Erosions in my esophagus and stomach make it really difficult to eat certain foods. I have gastroparesis - my stomach muscles don't work to push food out the way they should, so food sits in my stomach a lot longer than it's supposed to. I've also developed lactose intolerance and soy intolerance. And obviously there are still the emotional reasons to deal with - restricting my food intake is really difficult because it's very easy for me to go back to counting every single calorie, which leads to restricting them even more, which leads to behaviors that I worked so hard to avoid. I can't just see food as something that I consume to give me energy, it is so much more than that to me. It symbolizes every failure, every mistake, every wrong decision. It is something to control. In all reality, it controls me and that it why I have to work so hard to be aware of my behaviors when I "diet." My goal for 2011 is to make healthy choices, to see food as something to fuel my beautiful life, to respect my body, to move my body, to cook more dinners at home, and to continue to work on keeping those dangerous ED behaviors at bay.

2. Be more open minded. I am very stubborn. I see things in black and white - either something is good or it is bad. There's no middle ground. I really want to try to see the gray in life. There have been so many times where someone says something and I have an immediate reaction without really thinking about the situation. I want to learn to see things from other perspectives.

3. Keep my house cleaner. My lack of organization around the house drives John up a wall. I leave dirty clothes in a pile in the bathroom or bedroom when I should just throw them in the laundry basket. I leave mail and wedding papers all over the dining room. Empty glasses on the coffee table. Pieces of paper and wrappers on the sofa. Clean laundry sits in the basket it was folded in. It drives him crazy - me, not so much. I'm not sure if I am just absentminded or lazy, but I want to try to keep things neater for him. I think it will be easier when we own a house and everything has it's own place but for now we have to make do with what we've got.

4. Blog more. I slacked on blogging this year. Big time. My goal is 10 posts each month, except for May since we'll be away for almost 2 weeks. I don't care what I write about, I just want to chronicle my life. This year is a huge year for us and I really want to remember the little things.

you are invited

2010-12-28T18:31:00.001-08:00

So much for that posting-every-day thing. Sometimes life just gets busy, right?

This month has flown by. I cannot believe Christmas has come and gone already! Today I realized that we have 146 days until the wedding. [Insert panic mode here]. We have had such a long engagement - it has always felt like the wedding was so far away. I swear it was just yesterday that we hit the 9 month mark. I wrote down all of my 'to-do' items in one place yesterday and the list is a little overwhelming. I am DIY-ing a lot of things (invitations, programs, favors, table names, place cards, etc) so I need to get my butt in gear as far as starting all of those projects. My goal is to have all of my DIY items completed one month before the wedding - which only gives me a little under four months.

I am not a very crafty, creative person by nature. I totally missed out on the artsy gene in my family. I like to scrapbook but I get frustrated with my boring layouts and design ideas. I am never sure if my color combinations or fonts fit well together. I've been ordering paper samples from this website to try to get a feel for what works well together within my color scheme. Now I need to bite the bullet and order the supplies - these invites need to go out 3 months before the wedding which is fast approaching.

This is my inspiration design-wise. I like the pocketfold and the option to insert enclosures with additional information. Having a destination wedding is a lot of work - coordinating 40 people's vacations is quite a task! These enclosures will be a nice way to include information like things to do, places to eat, etc. I think I'm also going to have one enclosure with an itinerary for the wedding weekend so our guests will know where they can meet up with us if they'd like to. I can order the pocket fold from C&P, and then go to a local craft store to get cardstock for the invitation and enclosure portion. I'm excited about picking out ribbons and accessories to spruce them up a bit. Hopefully they don't come out looking like a 3rd grade art project. This is why I need to give myself a good six weeks to work on them!

Anticipate

2010-12-07T15:26:00.000-08:00

As I read more about Reverb10, I found that the same challenge was held last year, so I've decided to combine the two and choose whichever prompt inspires me more.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Trying to sum up a whole year in one word is not easy. There are so many big and little things that happen over the course of 365 days - things I have forgotten and things I will always remember. There is one major theme that sticks out to me from 2010 - Wedding Planning. I have spent this year scouring the internet, bridal magazines, and Disney forums gathering inspiration and ideas for our wedding next May. I have daydreamed and imagined time and time again what it will be like to finally walk down the aisle, to dance with John for the first time as a Mr. & Mrs., to spend a week of bliss with the people who mean the most to us. I remember sitting on a bench in Epcot in January with John right after we met with our Disney sales consultant talking about how long we had until the wedding. 2011 seemed so far away, and now here we are less than 6 months from our big day. It doesn't seem real.

So, I think it's fitting to choose anticipation as my word to sum up 2010. I've spent the year waiting, dreaming, and planning for one very important day. According to Wikipedia, anticipation is an emotion involving pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering some expected or longed-for good event. That's about right, don't you think?

Resurrection

2010-12-07T05:05:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Emilie and I haven't posted a blog in....months.

I wanted to make blogging part of my New Year's Resolution for 2011. I want to capture all of the fun wedding plans that John and I are coming up with, and I also want to write to stimulate my mind because let's face it: not being in school anymore makes me feel like I am losing my integrity. I can't afford to take any classes just for fun, so maybe trying to be creative and keep this thing going will help me feel better about my state of mind.

I came across my friend K's blog (did I also mention that in my own blogging hiatus I also stopped reading everyone else's blogs? I did.) and the prompts she is doing for the month of December. I thought that would be a pretty neat way to get myself back into writing and also a good way to reflect on 2010. I may not get to it every day, but I would like to make it a goal to do each of the prompts, even if that means 2 posts in one day.

It's already December 7th so I am a week behind. Guess that means I will be back tonight!

you lifted me higher than my doubts and fears

2010-08-02T17:15:00.001-07:00

Music has always been an incredibly important part of my life. I grew up always having music around me - my mom is a huge fan and always had the radio on or a CD playing. When I was in 8th grade I fell head-over-heels in love with Lifehouse. They saved my life in high school with their album No Name Face. The lyrics spoke to me and I felt like every single song was written specifically for me. As I grew older, they grew with me. The albums that followed could not compete with the amazing-ness of No Name Face but I loved them anyways. Now, nearly ten years later, the band has gone through record label changes, stylistic changes, lyrical changes - you name it -but still I feel as though I owe a part of myself to them. Their music is different now. More commercialized, more mareketable. Even though they do not write lyrics as deep and meaningful as they did before their rise to stardom I still get butterflies if I hear them come on the radio.

With all of that said, I have always felt that I wanted a Lifehouse song for the first dance at my wedding. I felt this way before I met John - but now, after being together for three years and going to many Lifehouse concerts together, he suggested on his own that we use 'Everything.' I was surprised; I never thought he would genuinely want to use a Lifehouse song for our first dance. I do not really want to use that specific song because a lot of people use it - I wanted something that fit our relationship and would be unique to our wedding. I thought about using Jason Wade's cover of You Belong To Me, or acoustic versions of Take Me Away or Breathing. As I searched through my Lifehouse library I came across a song that was never released on an album or on the radio. A song that speaks to true love. A song that gives me goosebumps. A song that reminds me of John, that I can actually see us dancing to at our wedding next year.

The song I am leaning towards is You Can Shake The Mountains. What do you think?

Nala

2010-07-27T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yesterday John and I celebrated our third anniversary together. It's hard to believe that three years have gone by since we started dating. Life seemed so carefree three years ago - he had just returned from his deployment to Afghanistan and was not working, I was still working for Disney and in school, we both lived at home and had virtually no bills.

One year later he was working as an independent contractor for Fed Ex and I was just starting my new job with a construction company and we had a nice little routine of spending our weekends together. Our first year also brought us Milo who quickly stole our hearts and became our gentle giant.

Our second year started off with an engagement ring and our first apartment. I was finishing up school and John was working as hard as ever with his route. It was an adjustment to live together but it was an exciting time to be thinking about our future together and booking our wedding. This year also brought us our spunky little Marley who continues to melt our hearts everyday.

This year did not bring any major milestones. Not much has changed in our lives; we still work at the same jobs and we still have too many bills to pay each month. John likes to spend his free time with his new X Box while I like to experiment in my new (and bigger!) kitchen. We don't have a lot of extra money since we are planning our wedding that is less than ten months away (!!!) so John decided we should spend our anniversary wisely. Instead of fancy gifts and an expensive dinner, we paid a little donation to the Connecticut Humane Society and brought home this beautiful little girl:

I swear it wasn't even my idea to get another cat - John was slow at work one day and stopped into a humane society and saw how many little kitties were without homes and being the softie that he is, he came home and told me that we should get another one for our anniversary. We were both a little hesitant at first. We didn't want to disrupt Milo and Marley who got along so well - Milo was John's baby and Marley was mine. What would a third cat bring to the table? We went to one shelter and no one really stood out to us. (Of course, in a perfect world I would just love to give all of the homless kitties homes). We didn't want just anyone, we wanted someone who would complement our boys (and I secretly wanted someone who would cuddle with me). We left the first shelter convinced that getting another cat just wasn't for us. As we continued on with our day I remembered that there is another shelter near the curtain store where we were headed. We stopped in there not expecting to find anything as it is much smaller than the other shelter. We got to the last row of kitties and John spotted her. She was in a separate room because she had a cold and she was also recovering from hernia surgery. We instantly fell in love and asked one of the workers how we would go about adopting her. Less than an hour later and we were in the car heading home. Needless to say, we did not get curtains that day!

She is such a love. She sleeps in between us every night and she loves to curl up on my chest if I'm laying on the couch. She has a ferocious appetite - we think her previous owner failed to feed her enough everyday because she is VERY small. She wants her brothers to play with her but they are taking their sweet time getting used to her. I think with time they are coming around - Marley already plays with her once in a while and today I even caught him sleeping near her on our bed. Milo is his laid back self as always, observing from a distance and keeping an eye on things.

I can't think of a better anniversary gift.

home, sweet home

2010-07-13T16:43:00.000-07:00

Nothing compares to walking up the sidewalk and onto our front porch, opening the front door, and walking into the house. It sure beats parking in a parking lot, walking into the lobby, up the stairs, into the wide, dark hallway, and opening the heavy industrial door into our old apartment. It's one of many reasons why I am so much happier here.

When you walk up the stairs, you are greeted by a fabulous whiteboard that calls to you - what silly phrase can you write today?

At the top of the stairs, you'll see our proud little shelf that displays the pride we feel for our country.

Our adorable dining room can fit more than two people like the last one, so we were able to put the leaf into the table to make it bigger. I can also fit some of my nicer things into the built in hutch that I LOVE.

Past the dining room is the kitchen, complete with it's old cabinets and porcelain sink. I love all the character that it has, even if the cabinets are so old that the doors don't always shut.

Next comes the Man Cave, decorated with all of John's Army memorabilia and awards. We bought a futon so people have a place to sleep if they stay overnight, and John covered it with a blanket that he got while he was deployed in Afghanistan.

Finally, we have the living room. The bay window is what sold me on this apartment - not to mention how spacious and bright it is compared to our last living room. Two big closets add a lot of much needed storage.

I know of a couple boys who really love the windows...

There are no pictures of the bedroom because it's so boring. I have nothing on the walls yet (there is a LOT of wall space) except for this:

I think that is going to hold very true here.

busy, busy, busy

2010-07-06T05:00:00.001-07:00

We've been living in our new place for a little over a week now and I think it's safe to say WE LOVE IT. I haven't gotten around to taking photos of it yet but I'm going to try to do that this week. We've been really busy since the move because John's best friend is home from Afghanistan on his two week leave so of course we have been spending all of our free time entertaining him and a couple other friends. Oh, and watching Milo and Marley learn how to navigate those big, scary things called stairs.

We had a great 4th of July filled with bonfires, pool volleyball games, s'mores, jello shots, and of course, fireworks. The weather was perfect - in the 80's and sunny all weekend long. Today is another story - it's going to be 102 degrees with humidity. In Connecticut. We haven't had temps this high in four years. So of course, I am all worried about John being out working in this heat - mostly because he got SO sunburned during our volleyball game yesterday.

I have also been assigned my wedding planner - yay! I'm excited to finally start planning out some details of our day, but it will probably have to wait at least a couple weeks so we can get settled here. Oh, and we scored AWESOME prices on our flights to Florida and back - we got both of our round trip, non stop tickets for a total of $378.00! How amazing is that?! We were shocked and so excited to get that out of the way.

365 days

2010-06-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

My little man, Marley, turns one year old today!

We actually know Marley's real birthday since we bought him from a pet store, unlike Milo who was rescued at 4 weeks old from mean people who were going to throw him out on the street - we just picked a random day during the week he was born to call his 'birthday.'

I cannot believe he is a year old already. It seems like it was yesterday that we stopped by the pet store on our way to Radioshack to buy John a new cell phone charger. It was impossible to resist his adorable face looking at us through the window. It took a little convincing to get John to let me take him into one of those cubicles to play with him - and even MORE convincing to let me take him home. (Actually, it was more like begging and pleading, but hey, whatever works!)

Here we are, ten months later, and Marley has become one of the family. He and Milo love each other to pieces - we find them snuggled up together on our bed or on the couch, and Milo loves to give his brother kisses. Marley is definitely a bit friskier than Milo was and he LOVES to scratch up anything he can get his little paws on. I cannot imagine life without him and even though I get made fun of A LOT for being a cat lady, I think he is one of the best decisions we have ever made. DEFINITELY worth the $200.00 that he cost us :-) Happy 1st Birthday my little man, your Momma loves you SO much!

changes

2010-06-21T05:06:00.000-07:00

We are moving. In 5 days. My apartment is in a state of disaster - boxes everywhere! I went to pour a bowl of cereal today and realized I have no bowls left. Milo and Marley are loving it - boxes to climb on or climb in.

I can't wait to post pictures of our new place, it is adorable. It's the second floor of an old house built in 1889. It's got bay windows, built in bookshelves, a corner hutch in the dining room, and a giant whiteboard wall in the stairway (John is particularly excited about that).

Let me just say - I do not want to move again until we buy a house. Hopefully we won't have to...I hate the process of moving.

it's real

2010-06-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

On Thursday, my wedding consulant faxed me our Letter of Agreement (aka, our contract with Disney). I have been waiting for this for months - this means we are officially getting married in Disney! (Not that there was any question before...it's just all official now and our guests can start planning their trips).

On Monday May 23, 2011, at 12:00 in the afternoon, I will walk down the aisle of Disney's beautiful Wedding Pavilion to become Mrs. F---, to marry my best friend in the entire world. It is crazy that it is set in stone now - deposit will be sent tomorrow, wedding planner will be assigned in the next couple weeks, and OH MY GOSH I'M GETTING MARRIED! When we got engaged almost a year ago, May/June of 2011 seemed so far away. Now we are 351 days away from the start of our happily ever after and I could not be more excited!

I feel like there are so many things I should be thinking about. We now have all of the major things checked off our list: venue, photographer, videographer, hair & makeup artist, the wedding dress!, and bridesmaid dresses. Oh, and my awesome newsletter went out to all of our guests on Saturday! (If you'd like to see the PDF version let me know - I can email it to you!). In the next few weeks I am hoping to get John to go to Men's Warehouse with me to look at different suits and get prices for renting/buying them. I'd also like to go to a craft store that is about 30 minutes away to look at some silk flowers so I can decide if we'll be making bridesmaid bouquets or if we will use live flowers through Disney Floral.

I am so excited for this coming year. It is a bit surreal that we are getting married in less than a year - holy cow! This time next year I will be a Mrs.

graduated

2010-05-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked the END of my undergrad career! Technically it really ended in December, but my school doesn't have December graduations anymore so I had to wait until May to actually graduate. I had an award ceremony to go to on May 13th because I graduated Cum Laude (like 0.05 points away from Magna Cum Laude, I was so mad!), and then the ceremony for the 1400 graduates was yesterday at the XL Center in Hartford. It was LONG. I was disappointed with the commencement speaker (one of CCSU's History professor) - she didn't really say anything that stuck with me. The Class of 2010 President spoke and it was kind of corny. I almost wasn't going to go because I didn't know anyone since I commuted for 4 years, but now I am glad I went. It took FOREVER to call everyone's name, but it was worth it to actually feel like I graduated. I'm glad that 1,000 students chose not to walk because that would have made it even longer.

Afterward, I tried to find John and my parents but there were SO many people that it took 30 minutes to find them! It was insane. The XL center was packed - there were more people at graduation than there are at the hockey games we go to! It was crazy. We went back to my parent's house after because Erin's senior prom was held last night also! In typical Keser fashion, we took 648 photos to commemorate the day. ; )

Didn't Erin look STUNNING??

priorities

2010-05-12T18:08:00.000-07:00

When it comes to the wedding, there is an endless list of enhancements/add-ons/extras that Disney can do for us. I would love to be able to take advantage of all of them but unfortunately, I do not have an endless supply of cash. There are some extras that I can say "no" to right away - like using Cinderella's Coach to bring me to the Wedding Pavilion - totally not worth the $2,700.00 that it costs for a whopping 2 hours. I'm not even that into the idea of confetti canons that can go off during the staged exit after the ceremony. Don't know the price for those - not sure I want to know! There are, however, several things that I DO want. Not all of them fit into the budget so I'm trying to cut where I can to save money.

1. Photography This is a MUST. I am obsessed with pictures. One of my favorite things to do is look though old photo albums at my parents house. I think it is invaluable to be able to look back on special moments and memories that would otherwise be lost in the shuffle of everyday life. I want to be able to show my children the photos from our wedding. I want to be able to relive this day for years to come - you only get one wedding day, right!? I was not familiar with Orlando photographers when we decided to go with the Disney Wedding, so it took a bit of research before I was able to find one that had a good reputation and took amazing photos. I scored my photographer for the entire wedding day (no limit on the # of hours!) for a fabulous $1600.00. This includes a DVD with all of the images and some printed images. I am free to print them however/wherever I like, and I also have the option to have him print my album.

2. Floral I have a hard time justifying dropping loads of cash on flowers/boquets/decor that will die in 48 hours. I've been toying with the idea of making silk boquets - I just have to find a place where I can get nice silk flowers for a reasonable price. I'm also thinking about doing non-floral centerpieces for the reception - something beachy but simple. Something like this:

Non-floral centerpieces through Disney are much cheaper than using live flowers. Bridal boquets run upwards of $200.00 and bridesmaid boquets can be as much as $150.00.

3. Dessert Party This is a no brainer for me. I have to have this. It is something unique to Disney Weddings. It is fairly self-explanatory: it is a VIP dessert party with lots of incredibly yummy treats right in the middle of EPCOT during the Illuminations fireworks show. For those of you who have been to Disney, we are most likely going to hold ours in the Italy Pavilion in World Showcase:

We will be escorted into the park (yes, in my wedding dress!) We will eat dessert (of course) and watch the incredible fireworks show. I think it's going to be fantastic and a perfect way to end our wedding day.

4. Videography At first, I didn't even consider this element of the wedding day. The more I think about it, the more I want to have a video to remember this day by. Everyone says how quickly it goes by and how much you (bride & groom) miss because you are so focused on other things. And I also think about how much I love home videos - I love watching them. I love being able to relive the best moments of my life. The more I think about it, the more important this seems. I found a great videographer who will provide ALL DAY coverage for $1495.00 - including 3 DVDs of the final video (and I asked - it can be as long as we want it to be!). We can upgrade to BluRay for $150.00 more, and we can purchase the raw footage for $100.00. Oh! And we can have our ceremony broadcasted LIVE via webcam! I think that is so neat. I really want to find a way to make this work with our budget.

5. Magic Kingdom Photoshoot Okay. I REALLY want this. It costs $1,100.00. It includes 1 hr in the Magic Kingdom before the park opens in our wedding attire. I gush at the thought of having photos of John & me by ourselves in the Magic Kingdom, on Main St USA, on Cinderella's Carousel, on the Tea Cups...it just seems so exciting! I really want to do this, even if the cost is a little steep for just an hour. It includes a proof book, a 12 print album, and 4x6 prints of all the photos. I need to decide which is more important - this or the videography. Decisions, decisions.

I am sure I will think of other elements as I get further into the planning, but right now, these are the things I am really focusing on. I hate being on a budget!

summertime

2010-05-02T11:35:00.000-07:00

We've had an unusually warm spring this year. Flashback to last spring when it was in the 40's until May and it didn't get above 70 until late June...and then it was cloudy practically ALL summer long. It was miserable. But this year Mother Nature seems to be making up for the pathetic excuse for a summer that we got stuck with last year.

Last Saturday, John and I took the boys to my childhood elementary school to play on the playground. It was warm - in the 70's - believe me, that is warm for April! We played on the swings, climbed the monkey bars, played four-square, and of course, we slid down the slide a hundred times.

Yesterday we went to Gabriel's baseball game and then had a cookout at John's sister's house. She made an amazing salsa to go on top of grilled chicken - it had fresh papaya chunks, avocado chunks, and chopped red pepper in a tangy/sweet sauce. It was delish! For dessert we had a super yummy peanut butter pie that wasn't exactly on my diet but it was too good to turn down.

And tonight we are headed to my parent's house to discuss the wedding budget/guest list and to enjoy some chicken on the grill. Hopefully they will be opening the pool soon and then it will officially feel like summer has arrived!

the DRESS!

2010-04-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

Remember the time I said I was getting married in Disney World?

Well, I found the perfect dress for a fairy tale wedding.

I feel like Cinderella in the dress. It sparkles, but not too much. It's poofy, but not too much. It's comfortable, not too heavy, not too hot ... it's perfect! It's hard to see in photos, but the skirt part has a bunch of crystals that sparkle every time I move. The veil I got has the same crystals and they go together so well.

My latest venture has been trying to convince John to book a Magic Kingdom photo shoot. It would be a couple days after our wedding and it would be very early in the morning (6am-ish!)because it has to be done before the park opens. BUT, it would mean we'd have wedding photos in front of the castle, on the teacup ride, on Cinderella's Carousel, Main St USA...aka totally awesome photos!. Go to Google and search "Magic Kingdom Bridal Portrait" - you will see how incredible the photos are.

I also found a potential bridesmaid dress!

I'm still debating colors...I love the pale yellow and I was thinking of blue hydrangea bouquets to incorporate my Swedish colors. One of my bridesmaids doesn't want a yellow dress so I'm having a hard time picking the color...I really want yellow but I don't want to deal with her complaining about it. I'm not sure if that style of dress goes well with my wedding dress, I keep thinking it is too informal.

Are those flowers gorgeous or what!?

and dance forever

2010-04-11T10:15:00.000-07:00

I've been MIA lately.

I got sick of wordpress because I am not computer savvy and couldn't figure out how to make my blog look pretty. If it's not pretty, why bother posting, right? So, I decided to move. Again.

It took me a few days to make my new blog (really, I'm just moving BACK to my original blog - but I obviously had to pretty it up first). Then I got side tracked with the Surprise Party of 2010. Then John's dad got very sick. And life just sort of got a little crazy, so the blog had to wait.

But now! The party is over and I am anxious to start blogging about the wedding so the blog HAD to be finished. The laundry that has been piling up for two weeks? That could wait. So I finished everything this morning. Voila! Welcome to my new blog.

something new

2010-02-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

Today was my appointment at The Wedding Dress. I was not looking forward to it - I have not lost a significant amount of weight yet and I had no idea what I was looking for! Thank goodness for fat-suckers...they make you look so skinny! Plus, I think many wedding dresses are very forgiving.

Things I learned:
-I do not like shiny material.
-I do not like a ton of lace or a ton of beading.
-I DO like some sparkle - see Dress #2 if you look through the dress pictures.
-There are a lot of styles I love - which makes it even harder to narrow down the list!
-A big, poofy, princess dress does look good on me!
-Having hips does not mean wedding dresses won't look good on me - even I was surprised at how nice I looked in some of them!
-I wanted to cry when I put on dress #3 - which my gut tells me is "the" dress.
-I am so lucky to have family and friends that can go with me on these appointments.

I put pictures of the dresses on photobucket - can't post them on Facebook or on here in case John peeks. If you want the link to see the pictures let me know and I'll send it to you - I definitely want feedback because I am having such a hard time deciding between all of them. We have an appointment to go back on April 10th and I think I'll try to hit up a couple more stores between now and then to see if I find anything else I like. I don't want to look back and regret not trying on more dresses, even though I really think dress #3 is the one for me.

When it rains...

2010-02-04T11:44:00.000-08:00

...it certainly pours. Family drama is exhausting, especially when it is not your own. I hope this storm passes soon.

There was a fire at our sister complex today. 20 units burned. It really makes me want to move when our lease is up - preferably to a landlord apartment rather than a complex apartment. I love our apartment here but I hate relying on other people to not be stupid and cause fires. This is the third one for our complex in the last few years. We'll see where things are at the end of the summer...because the family drama also makes me want to move far, far away. I am really terrified of fires though. I was so scared that there would be one while we were in Florida last month that I cried when I had to leave my kitties. I don't care about material posessions but the thought of a fire happening when I'm not home to save my babies is enough to send me into a major anxiety attack that comes complete with tears and heavy breathing. That just makes me a devoted and loving cat-mom, right? My brother thinks it makes me crazy.

The weekend is almost here and I am so glad...it is incredibly slow at work right now and the day just draaaaags. I will probably have to take some time off next week because John's grandma died and the wake is Monday and the funeral is Tuesday. I feel incredibly guilty for being excited about getting an afternoon off considering the circumstances but like I said...family drama. There haven't been any tears shed in our house over this. John has (or had, I guess) no emotional attachments to his grandmother and is not broken up over this in the least. But apparently having that sort of reaction when your grandmother dies brings lots of "how could you not feel sad?!" types of questions.

You know what I say? Better to be honest and feel what you really feel than to fake feeling sad to please someone else. Honesty is the best policy, right?

dreams do come true

2010-02-01T14:07:00.000-08:00

Disney's Wedding Pavilion

Remember the time I said I was getting married in Disney World?

I am so excited about it. We won't officially know the date until September because Disney has difficult policies. We can't book our ceremony until 12 months out and we can't book the reception until 8 months out. Since we know where we want to have the ceremony and the reception, and we are (I am) very adamant that both of them get booked, we are going to be flexible with our date. So, I'll still book our ceremony at 12 months and cross my fingers that the reception venue will still be available at 8 months. We're hoping to get May 24, 2011 as our date. At the very earliest, I could officially have my date on September 25 of this year and THEN all the real planning can begin.

We want to have the ceremony at the Wedding Pavilion, which is right in between the Grand Floridian Resort & Spa and the Polynesian Resort. We're hoping for a 12:00 or 2:00 ceremony. The reception would follow at the Whitehall Room at the Grand Floridian. It's an adorable octagon room that opens into a gorgeous outdoor patio. The patio would be exclusively ours for the day, which will be perfect for John's nephews to run around in. The reception would start at either 2:00 or 4:00, depending on our ceremony time, but a pre-reception would go on directly after the ceremony while we are having pictures taken.

Following the reception we are going to have a private dessert party on Sago Cay, an area of the resort that is right on the lagoon, to watch the Wishes fireworks show at the Magic Kingdom. (The Grand Floridian Resort is right on the lagoon that overlooks the Magic Kingdom). They will rope off the area so that only our wedding guests attend, and they'll have dessert tables set up for guests to choose from. The soundtrack to Wishes will also be piped in to Sago Cay.

Aside from that, there's really not much to report. I will get my wedding planning kit once we book the date and send in our deposit. Next weekend we are going to try on wedding dresses...so that will be fun! I'm not sure what I'm even looking for. We are doing a fairly casual beach theme, and John and the guys will wear Khacki's with nice (read: non flashy) Hawaiian shirts and sandals. I am almost positive the girls will be wearing tea-length pale yellow dresses, just not sure of the style yet. So, I can't go too crazy with my dress - which is fine because I do not like super elaborate dresses anyway.

Oh, and I think I want calla lilies for my bouquet. Other than that, I'm still looking at things. I have a while before the big day, and it's hard to plan anything without having a date! Send me suggestions! (Especially for dresses!)

wishing for warmer days...

2010-01-31T12:09:00.000-08:00

I am officially sick and tired of winter.

The below-freezing temperatures and constant gray skies are incredibly depressing. I get home from work, make dinner, clean up dinner, look out the window at the dark, cold skies and completely lose any gym-motivation that I mustered up during the day. Bundle up to walk the 50 yards to get to the gym - or - curl up in my fuzzy pink robe on the couch for American Idol? Do you see how this could impede on my efforts to get to the gym?

I so miss the long endless days of summer when the sun doesn't go down until 9:00pm, when it's so warm that I look for reasons to get out of the house. Winter zaps all of my energy and motivation - all that is appealing right now is wrapping myself up in my old quilt and cuddling on the couch with the boys.

Tomorrow is the first day of February, which technically means there are only about 7 weeks left of winter. In these parts, though, it stays cold until the end of April. We will be lucky to have temperatures in the 50s during April, but I will take that over the 13 degrees that we have right now. Hopefully, if there is a weather-god out there, we will not have any snow after March 1st.

Seriously...I am going to make a concrete effort to drag my cold butt to the gym three times this week. And do my pilates dvd three times too. I've lost 3.5 lbs in two weeks so I am off to a good start!

feel the burn!

2010-01-26T14:34:00.000-08:00

Last night I did 30 mintues of Pilates for the first time in... oh, a year.

Tonight I went to the gym for the first time in over six months.

I have learned that it is a lot easier to do pilates when my butt is not screaming in pain. The difference my surgery has made is incredible! Even though the recovery was excruciatingly painful, I am really glad I did it. It is even easier to work out on the treadmill and elliptical now. I must admit, I am very out of shape - I guess being nearly 100% sedentary for five months will do that to you. It felt so good to get my heart rate pumping, and although my legs were screaming at my by the end of my 35 minutes, I enjoyed moving again.

It's so nice not having to pay for a gym membership. Our apartment complex has a small gym (3 treadmills, 3 ellipticals, 1 stationary bike, a couple weight machines) but it's got everything I would use at a real gym anyway. My goal is to do some cardio at the gym 3x a week, pilates 3x a week, and a long walk on the weekends. My job is so sedentary - the most activity I get is getting up from my desk and walking 10 feet to the copier and back. I really need to make time for exercise - I always feel better when I do.

Off to snuggle with my boys before bed...Marley is still getting over his scary visit to the vet to lose his manhood. He adores Milo, he follows him around everywhere and loves to snuggle up with him when they nap. My little man is growing up so fast!

[caption id="attachment_537" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="what they do best ;)"][/caption]

well hello there 2010

2010-01-17T13:34:00.000-08:00

Have I really not posted since November 12th of last year??

I suppose there's a bit to update on.

I had surgery on November 19th that put me seriously out of commission for a month. I'd had a cyst on my tailbone for ten years and since September '09 it was constantly getting infected. I had one ER visit and 3 different antibiotic prescriptions in three months, so my doctor recommended having it surgically removed. He said it would be really painful but I honestly was not expecting it to be as bad as it was. The first week was hell on earth - I have never been in so much pain in my entire life. The intensity of the pain kept me awake for over 48 hours and made me feel so incredibly nauseous. I think I cried myself through those first 48 hours, it was really that bad. Luckily my surgeon was able to prescribe me a much stronger narcotic that took the edge off and I was able to get some sleep. Still, it was very uncomfortable for the first week...I needed help walking and going from laying down to standing up and vice versa. I couldn't sit down for well over a week and couldn't lay on my back for three weeks. Now that is has been two months I am glad I had the surgery, but I would not wish that pain on anyone.

About a week after surgery - that donut pillow came in handy.

December brought my very last weeks of college. I graduated with a 3.52 GPA and got a 3.8 for that semester. Considering I missed so much school due to surgery and ER visits, I am really proud of that GPA. 3.8! I also got an A on my senior Thesis on the Holocaust. Yes, an A. I never in a million years thought I could get an A on a 35 page thesis, but I did. I don't know what to do with myself now that school is over. I admit that I'm a little afraid that my brain is going to become dumb. Ohh, but I won't miss homework or papers or exams. Is it terribly selfish of me that I am a little bummed that no one is throwing me a graduation party? My university eliminated December graduation ceremonies so I don't really feel that I graduated or got an recognition for graduating, as childish as that sounds. I am proud of myself though!

Christmas was low-key, we didn't really have the money for gifts this year. We had the usual Christmas Eve with the Swedes and John's family came this year, so that was nice. We saw my parents on Christmas morning and went to his sister's house for Christmas dinner which was delicious. The kids (and John) all got remote helicopters and they kept everyone busy that afternoon. We didn't do much on New Year's Eve, went to dinner and watched the ball drop on TV. Well, John watched. I was asleep before it dropped.

Cooper and his new bone on Christmas morning

Then, of course, we headed off to the land of sun, fun and magic...Disney World! This year was a lot different because it was SO COLD. We had record low temperatures and spent a couple hundred dollars on sweatshirts and jackets because we were not expecting 30 degree temperatures. It was still fun - it was our first trip using our Vacation Club so that was exciting. We also got to visit the Wedding Pavilion and the Grand Floridian where we will be HAVING OUR WEDDING! Yes, we have changed our plans. This will have to be another post because there is lots to talk about. The trip was fun, albeit cold, but the drive home was not so fun. John got the flu and was sick the whole way home, leaving me at the wheel. Remind me to never drive again!

Now we are home and settling into a routine. Life should calm down, with me being done with school and the holidays having passed. Tomorrow my pre-wedding diet begins with the goal of losing 20 lbs. I should be able to do that in one year...if John stops bringing me chocolate once a week!

once upon a time

2009-11-12T08:45:00.000-08:00

I just love Taylor Swift.

Not only does she make amazing music that virtually any teenage girl (or older!) can relate to, she is also not your typical basket-case teenage celebrity. She doesn't drown herself in alcohol or throw herself all over every person with a Y chromosome. She doesn't pose naked on magazine covers for thousands of dollars or turn to drugs when things don't go her way. She is as normal as she can be considering her job. She is a good role model. She is also honest, raw, and down to earth. Another awesome quality: she is kind of nerdy, which I love.

I watched her youtube video of the CMA nominee announcements, where she found out she was nominated for five awards. In sweatpants. With her dog. Broadcasting her excitement for all the other nominees, not just herself. It is rare to find a nineteen year old with her charisma, modesty, and talent.

Her music is really good, too. She's got a great voice, real lyrics, and stories that real teenage girls can relate to. (If only she were around when I was in high school...)

So, I was pretty happy when she won Female Vocalist of the Year...and three other awards. I think she deserves it. She's had a HUGE year.

When she won Entertainer of the Year? I cried. This is a girl, just like any of us, who had a dream of making music. In the process of becoming a music superstar she has touched millions of lives with her real-life songs, and she's an amazing role model at the same time. She just looked truly surprised, honored, excited...everything. I think it's awesome that she giggles on stage and shows her excitement...look at what she just won! She deserves it.

Besides, it's about time Kenny Chesney stopped winning the award.

and i think to myself, what a wonderful world

2009-10-26T14:29:00.000-07:00

After this weekend, I may or may not have wedding fever.

Jenny & Stephen's wedding was absolutely beautiful. My mom and I kept saying to each other the entire night "I have never seen a couple look so happy!" "I have never seen a couple so in love!" Really, it makes a wedding that much more special when you can look into their eyes and just know that it's the stuff fairytales are made of. (Of course, this is even more of a reason why Disney was the perfect place for their honeymoon). I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than to be able to send them to Disney. I've been so excited for them to go ever since we booked it, and all day today I was thinking about them. I looked at the clock at 10:30 - they're landing now! 12:30 rolled around and I wondered if they'd made it to the resort. I wonder if they are in Epcot yet, I thought at 3:30. Maybe it's because I LOVE Disney...I've just been bursting with happiness all.freaking.day for them. I cannot wait to hear all about it and see their pictures.

The happy couple

Cousins xo

My very own future-husband xo

There is nothing happier than love. Or weddings. Or maybe even wedding planning...which is something that is making it VERY hard to concentrate on my last semester of school. A fifty page paper due in less than a month? A paper due Thursday? Two group projects due in two weeks? A quiz tomorrow? Pshhh... clearly they are all much less important on my to-do list than reading my wedding books!

P.S. I'm 5.4 lbs lighter than I was two weeks ago! Go me : )

and dance forever

2009-10-13T13:40:00.000-07:00

Right before John and I got engaged, the infamous youtube video started circulating.

We got engaged two days after I saw the video for the first time. That week, he saw the video for the first time and promptly shut down any ideas I may or may not have had about dancing down the aisle at our wedding.

I still realllllly love that video though.

I'm really glad I am graduating in December because it is almost impossible to concentrate on schoolwork when I could be reading a bridal magazine or spending hours on theknot.com making my wedding website or looking at favors or centerpieces.

Not to mention that I have spent countless hours throughout my entire college education procrastinating by looking at wedding dresses online.

There are soooo many pretty dresses, how do you pick just one??

Pumpkintown, USA

2009-10-10T02:59:00.000-07:00

Ryan and me with Barack Gourdama. ; )

"This one is my size!"

Ryan and Uncle Johnny visit Jail!

Ryan goes for a ride with some pumpkin-kids!

"I don't want sprinkles!"
What little boy doesn't want sprinkled donuts?? ; )

hello autumn

2009-10-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

I dislike how quickly fall goes by. It smells wonderful outside, and the trees are the prettiest colors.

Tomorrow, John and I are taking his youngest nephew Ryan to Pumpkintown, USA. It's a cute little park for kids with pumpkin people and hay bales and yummy apples and other autumn goodies. Friday night we are taking him to the fair while the older boys are at the Trail of Terror. I love fall fairs...the smell, the midway, the crafts. I really want to go to Gilette Castle too, since this is the last weekend of the season. Hopefully we can squeeze it in on Saturday or Sunday.

Marley is growing too fast, but he gets cuter everyday. He is teething and my hands have the marks to prove it, but I don't mind. Milo had to go to the vet last week and we found out he had a viral infection via an ulcer in his mouth - his meow sounded awful, like he had a cat version of strep throat or something. He is on anti-histamines twice a day until Friday. He's not happy about taking them, but he sounds ten times better.

John turned 26 yesterday. I had his family over for taco salad and birthday cake, all made by yours truly. I will post pictures when I get around to putting them on my computer. I'm so proud of who he is and al that he's done in his 26 years. I loved making his cake, too. I felt like a true (almost) wife.

the happier me

2009-09-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

I've decided.

School is ending soon (!!!). I'm getting married soon - or not so soon, depends on how you see 20 months.

I've always struggled with eating, at least since I developed an eating disorder in 2003.

I've always "dieted" and given up.

I've always worked out for a few months, only to give up.

Not anymore.

I started another blog, one to motivate myself to eat healthier, lose weight, exercise regularly, and overall, to be happier. To find peace with myself, my body, and the way I eat. I'm tired of feeling guilty after eating anything. I'm tired of feeling guilty for not going to the gym (even though I know I have a legitimate excuse right now - who can fit in the gym on top of working full time and going to school full time??).

I'm ready for a change. Now that I'm on my own, I have control over what I eat and how I eat it. It's time for me to put myself first and just DO this.

I made the new blog private because there are a couple people in my life that I would rather not read it. If you want to read it, just let me know and I'll add you to the list. I am pretty sure you need a wordpress user name, but it's free and easy. If you'd like to try to find a happier you too, the more the merrier!

www.thehappierme.wordpress.com

ways to make homework more enjoyable:

2009-09-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

Let your kitten do it for you.

Bless Our Home

2009-09-19T14:11:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are some pictures of our apartment!

The den, aka Milo and Marley's room...my desk/school things, cat food & water, and other miscellaneous stuff that doesn't belong in any of the other rooms.
Some of John's military awards, they hang in the den because it's the only place where the cats cannot jump up to knock it all down!

Our living room. I love our sofas, they are so amazingly comfy. We are working on getting some art and/or photos to hang on the wall behind the sofa. Notice the basket next to the fireplace...it has all my wedding magazines in it! : )

This is looking out from the den. I love the deacon's bench that John's sister gave us, and I had to get a picture of the mugs hanging from over the sink...John slaved over that for an hour one afternoon.

Our tiny kitchen! It's apple themed. I am starting to love my dishwasher, even though I swore I would never use it after having grown up without one. They are lovely though. : )

Looking out from the kitchen into the dining room. A lot of my snowglobes are on display in the hutch...don't mind the pile of clothes on our table! ; )

Our lovely laundry room / pantry! Overflow food gets stored in here, and I absolutely love having a washer and dryer in our apartment. So convenient!

Our bedroom. The bed is new, and oh so comfy. I can't decide if I like that or the sofas better. The armoire is beautiful, but I was afraid the guys wouldn't be able to get it up to our floor...heavy! We need nightstands for this room...and things to hang on the wall.

I love this picture.

And this one too. Sleeping kitties are just the best, aren't they?

We are so happy here.

home sweet home

2009-09-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

We have been in our new place for almost two weeks now. It's starting to feel like home, walking in the door and seeing my two little guys (or in Milo's case, big guy) running to see who it is and knowing that I get to spend every night with my best friend.

Have you ever had a moment where you realize that everything in your life is just about perfect? I had one of those moments today. It was a crappy day at work, I was still feeling pretty sore from the unexpected trip the the ER Sunday night, and I wasn't looking forward to class tonight...but I had this feeling come over me that despite it all, my life was perfect. I can't tell you how much I love seeing John come through the door at the end of the work day, knowing that I get to cook him dinner and cuddle with him on the couch all night.

We have our newest addition, little Marley, a 10 week old orange kitten who is absolutely fabulous. He plays hard, runs hard, eats a lot, and sleeps like a rock. He is the most precious kitten ever, and I just love him to pieces. He's become fast friends with Milo, despite thinking that he can nurse off Milo sometimes. They run around our little apartment like crazies, and then collapse on the couch for a two hour nap. It's so cute to see Marley bounce after Milo wherever he goes...because he doesn't walk yet, he does that kitten-bounce. So cute.

I got accepted to graduate school last week and was offered an internship that would completely pay for my tuition. I was so excited; the school was my top choice and I've been so excited about the prospect of going there...but I think I'm going to have to turn both down. I cannot afford to do the internship and not work, and I cannot afford the tuition without the internship. Talk about a double edged sword. I hate this crappy economy. So, the new plan is to graduate in December and take some time off to save money and hopefully start graduate school at a less expensive school next fall. We'll see how it goes.

I am going to a bridal expo this Sunday with my mom and grandma. I am very excited, not that we are doing any real planning at this point. We've got our venue booked (the Barn at Wesleyan Hills - check it out here) for June 4, 2011. I'm hoping to talk to a photographer that I want soon, and maybe book the DJ also. I think I'm going to wait until school is finished to do anything further, just because I want to enjoy it all and clearly, I can't do that while trying to write my 50 page thesis paper for graduation.

Also when school is finished...I really want to try the 30 Day Shred again. I haven't gained or lost any weight since like July, but I really want to just do the 30 days. Has anyone actually done it??

I will post pictures of the apartment once I take some good ones!

it's been a while

2009-08-19T15:53:00.000-07:00

Summer of 2009?

I have no idea where it went. I worked full time. But other than that...I really dont know what I did everyday. The last three months have really flown by.

Oh, I got engaged. (!!!!) John proposed on our 2 year anniversary. It was adorable and perfect and I almost started crying, but I held it together. I will write all about it later -- I need to ease my way back into writing. Ha, that is pathetic!

We are moving in together in fifteen days.

I start school in twelve days.

I have a lot to do in the next week and a half!

Here's a recap of my summer!

Went to see my godmother get married!

Went to the beach a few times with the nephews!

GOT ENGAGED!

house hunters

2009-06-15T15:51:00.000-07:00

I keep meaning to write more about this whole buying a house process, because I know someday I'll want to look back and re-live it all. Some days are really frustrating, some days are really hopeful, and some days are just plain stressful. We've been going out with our realtor every weekend to see houses on our list, which has really been fun. We've seen a few houses that we love, a few houses that are decent, and a few houses that need a ton of work. It's amazing how horrible some houses smell...like, do the people notice the stench when the walk home everyday or what?

The first weekend we went out, the very first house we looked at...oh my gosh. It was beautiful. It was a ranch, completely remodeled and just gorgeous. I would have bought it on the spot if I could have. It had a detached barn with garage, good sized lot, and seriously...I loved the house, the layout, the architecture, everything. The second house that day was beautiful, but in a bad neighborhood and it had a shared driveway...which John promptly knocked off the list. The third was in a great neighborhood, cute house, but no basement. It had the water heater and stuff in closets throughout the house so the only storage spaces were in the bedrooms and the garage. The kitchen was kind of small, but it had a mudroom which I loved.

The second weekend, we saw mostly so-so houses. The first we didn't even go into because the outside needed so much work. The second was really nice, full basement, remodeled, garage, absolutely perfect...just out of our price range by $15,000. It even had a great backyard, but fifteen grand isn't going to magically appear in our laps. The third was a disaster...the inside was circa 1970 with a mammoth amount of work necessary, but the outside was resided and landscaped really nicely. We didn't even go upstairs in that one...clearly that was a no. The fourth was alright, it was a ranch and the square footage was on the small side, and the layout wasn't really functional. John didn't like the driveway, and the basement had a really odd layout...it was like one big room with random walls put up. Odd. It did have a really nice deck though, which I liked. This past weekend we went to one that seemed okay in the pictures we saw ahead of time but it absolutely reeked...plus it was really outdated, and I didn't like the location at all. No garage either, which we really want.

We realize that we arent'y going to find a perfect house, but we're starting to learn what we can live without and what kind of work we're willing to do on the house we buy. I would really like a basement and a dining room, John really wants a garage. A good neighborhood is absolutely necessary. We'd much prefer two bathrooms over one. It's a matter of give and take, and hopefully by the end of the summer we'll have a place to call home.

We're going up to meet with a mortgage company to officially get pre-qualified, and then once the end of August arrives we'll get pre-approved and lock in at a rate and with a loan program. Exciting, but seriously stressful. One bank that I contacted last week was telling me that because John is self-employed, he needs a certain kind of bank account in order for us to get approved (which he does not have) so we were scrambling on Saturday talking to different banks to find out if this was true, and luckily it's not a requirement with ALL banks. Insert huge sigh of relief here! It's just a stressful process because it's hard to know which bank to go with, which bank is really going to give us the best deal. Everyone's out to earn money, and I get that, but I want to find a bank that's going to let us keep as much money as possible.

I had a small medical problem that halted my 30 day shredding, so I've got to start that up again soon. I got really mad at myself for having to stop, but I couldn't really help it. I have John's oldest nephew's 5th grade graduation tomorrow night, the meeting with the mortgage guy Thursday, a wedding on Saturday, ahhh! I thought I'd have a lot more free time when the semester ended but clearly that's not the case. I forgot to do my laundry today too, so I have to find something to wear to work tomorrow.

Day 3...ugh

2009-06-03T15:11:00.000-07:00

I could barely move this morning...my legs hurt SO bad.

I did do day 3 after work though, and it seemed to help loosen them up but now I'm back to being super sore. It's getting easier, still no walk in the park, but my endurance and strength are improving (except in the lunge/arm raise thing in part one...my arms die about 6 raises before the end!) I haven't made it to the gym in two days because my legs hurt that bad, but I'm definitely going tomorrow. My arms are already more toned...so I am hopeful that this pain will all be worth it in the end!

I also found out today that I made the Dean's List with a 3.6 GPA. I'm proud of myself, this semester kicked my butt.

Tomorrow I have an appointment to see a plastic surgeon about my arm. It's been over two years, so I'm looking forward to seeing what they can do for me. A part of me doesn't want to do anything, I feel like the scars are a part of me. And they shouldn't affect the way people see me...and if they do, they aren't people I want in my life anyway, right?

30 Days...

2009-06-02T15:33:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm on day two of The 30 Day Shred.

I made it through both days, although I feel like I could collapse and never get up. It burned while I was doing it, but it wasn't that bad. I was able to move around fairly easily yesterday, woke up a little stiff today, and now I can barely move. It is the most exhausting work out I've ever tried, and its only 20 minutes long! We'll see how the rest of the 30 days go. Maybe my limbs wont feel like Jello by day 30...

John and I are planning our 2 year anniversary trip. I think we've settled on Providence, probably the Biltmore.

And I have had heartburn like whoa for the last two weeks. I wish my stomach would just settle down! I can barely eat anything anymore...no soy, no lactose, no spicy food, no tomatoes. It's annoying and hard to go shopping.

pudge

2009-05-26T15:49:00.000-07:00

This semester killed me. The work load was much more than I previously had, and the work was more involved. I worked all day, or went to class all day, and went home to do homework until I went to bed. Every. Single. Day. I did try to keep up with the gym but that fizzled out about six weeks into the semester. I just couldn't find the time, or the energy.

I have not weighed myself, but I feel like the lack of running and lack of watching what I ate took a toll on my body. My clothes are a smidge too tight and I am tired. This is a sign - a sign that the gym is calling for me. Last week, I caved and bought the 30 Day Shred on Amazon....and even got two other Jillian Michael's DVDs all for the super awesome price of $27! The Shred is obviously 30 days, broken down into three stretches of 10 days each. I'm figuring I'll do it Monday thru Friday and take weekends off, so it will be more like the 45 Day Shred for me. I know a lot of people who have tried it, and quite a few lost several inches doing this, so hopefully it will bring me the same results. I figure if I watch what I eat, get in at least 45 minutes of cardio, and do this video and maybe some pilates mixed in, I should be able to get to where I normally am in a month or so.

John and I have found several adorable houses in our price range...and now I am dead set on getting a house instead of a condo! I keep telling myself I only have a few more months to go until we can make and offer, but that's really going to be right around the corner! We better start making appointments to see all these homes, September will be here before we know it.

i want something that i want

2009-05-18T14:40:00.000-07:00

Everyone around me is graduating! It is somewhat frustrating, because I have three months off and then have to go back for another three and a half months to get my degree. Lately I've been wondering a lot about what my life would be like had I stayed at Providence in January of 2006. Would I be healthy? Would I have more friends? Would I be completely broke? Would I be on a different career path? Would I be with someone else? Would I be this happy? Would I be buying a house this year?

A lot of things have happened in the last three and a half years that have molded me into who I am today.

Spending two months in the hospital and another year or so working to get myself healthy really changed me and made me into a better person. I had to work really hard to get to where I am now, and I'm really proud of the person I've become. I still struggle and am constantly reminded of how easy it would be to fall back into that life - thinking of nothing but calories eaten and calories burned, scrutinizing every inch of my body, and working out until I literally collapse out of exhaustion. It would be so easy, but I am reminded everyday of the things that keep me going.

I went through a couple bad relationships that taught me about who I am and what I want in a relationship, and led me to the most amazing man. I can't imagine a stronger, braver, kinder person to share the rest of my life with and I am so completely in love with him. John brings out the best in me, he accepts my flaws and he loves me unconditionally. He and I are buying a house this fall, and I am so excited to think of all the amazing memories we will make in the future to join the beautiful ones we've already made.

I am scarred, literally, and came to terms with how quickly life can be taken away. At first I hated my scar, but now I kind of like to think it shows how strong I am. That and it also reminds me to always wear my seatbelt. It was another obstacle, another uphill climb, but I came out on top and it led me to the love of my life. If my arm didn't look like a map of the Rocky Mountains, John probably would never have noticed me at the gym, and who knows where we'd both be today.

Last May was probably the hardest month of my life. Sometimes things are thrown at us unexpectedly and out of the blue we are forced to grow up and make an adult decision. Facing that, something I wasn't planning on facing for several years, and having to make a decision that would affect the rest of our lives was not an easy thing to do, and it got even harder when our control over the situation was taken away. Some might say that was a blessing in disguise, but I'm not so sure. We came out of it together, and stronger than ever. I like to think that John and I are a better couple because of it.

In coming home from PC, I definitely altered the way my life went. I've literally worked my way through college, but it's enabled me to buy a brand new car on my own and by the end of this year I will be a homeowner. None of that would have happened had I stayed at PC. I lost my friends, which has been a struggle for the last three years. My college friends were left behind, my high school friends were in different states, and I made no long lasting friendships at CCSU because I commuted. It has been strange, the last few weeks, with my high school friends graduating and coming back to Connecticut.

I dont think these 'what-ifs' will do me any good, but still, it is hard to picture how my life would have turned out if I stayed at PC. I'm sure I would have amazing, strong friendships, and a great education. But I would be massively in debt, and just starting out. I already have a great job that will be here for me until I get a teaching job. I am going to the best school in the state for my Master's degree. I have the love of my life, who I am sure I would not have met if I'd stayed at PC. I will always miss the idea of a real college experience and I will always wonder what my life would have been like. But I am so happy with the life I've made so far, and I'm proud of what I've done. It hasn't been that easy, but I do think it has been entirely worth it.

lightyears

2009-05-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

Reason #435094 why I have the cutest boyfriend ever:

Me: I love you to infinity and beyond!
John: I love you too, Buzz.

He totally feeds into my Disney obsession ; )

crash

2009-04-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

If I fall and crash and burn
At least I know you’re by my side
As I crawl, the lessons learned
Remind me I'll survive
I've been hurt and I've been scarred
At least I know that I'm alive

hello summer :)

2009-04-27T09:56:00.000-07:00

It is hot. The temperature thing at the bank said 87 degrees today! I love it!

The weekend was beautiful; perfect weather for baseball games and cookouts...which is exactly what we did. We also went to a couple more open houses and absolutely fell in love with a condo in Meriden, but it probably will be gone by time we are ready to put in an offer.

I have a lot to do for school in the next several days, and I'm going to have to take a day off of work next week just so I can get it all done. 4 days left of classes over the next two weeks...this semester flew by. Which is awesome, because it means I only have one left until graduation, which is absolutely crazy!

I love this little guy : )

you got whatever it is that blows me away

2009-04-23T03:08:00.000-07:00

I love love.

And that guy up there, too. ; )

lots of hairs cut

2009-04-20T12:43:00.000-07:00

From :

To:

And in other news, I finally got an appointment with a plastic surgeon to take care of this ugly mess:

three hundred sixty five days old

2009-04-07T13:20:00.000-07:00

My little man is growing up so fast!

irrefutable, indisputable fact is...it happens

2009-04-06T13:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend went by too quickly. What else is new?

I got the cutest shirt at New York and Company on Saturday. I only bought one, even though they were on sale and I couldn't pick a favorite color. Why?

John was with me. a.) He hates clothes shopping with me, so I didn't want to make him sit through a half hour of me trying all the different colors. b.) I think rationally regarding money when I'm with him, so I knew I didn't need two of them.

I wore it to work today. Guess what? I need another one. It's so flattering, it makes me feel skinny, and it's SO comfortable.

I do this all the time. I buy multiple pairs of jeans without trying them on, and end up returning half. When I find something that I really LOVE, I only get one. And then when I go back to buy a second or third, they're sold out. Yes, I checked online and they are sold out.

As is the new trend on Facebook, I guess I should end this post with three letters:

FML.

wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face, always

2009-03-30T14:41:00.000-07:00

There are days when I long for the week I move out of here. It is getting closer - November will be here before I know it (because we all know summer goes by faster than any other season). Obviously, I want freedom and independence and to support myself, and I want to share my life with John. Those are the most important and influential factors in why we are buying a condo, but I also just crave my own space. I come home from work and have nowhere to go. My sister holes herself up in our room all night, my mom takes over the family room, which leaves me stuck at my desk. (I probably should be stuck at my desk, considering the mammoth amount of homework I have to get done by May 8th). I want my own kitchen where I can cook us dinner everynight, and my own washer and dryer so I can wash clothes the way I like them washed. I want our own bedroom that is not cluttered with our stuff that has nowhere else to be put away. There are too many things that have to be done before all of that can happen, things that are entirely too stressful for my own good. Being pre-qualified is fabulous, but it doesn't erase the fact that we have to find a condo we want to buy and that we can afford when we want to have this all happen. Nor does it erase the fact that this will all be happening in the weeks before I graduate, aka right around the time of finals. But, it does include fun things like shopping for furniture (albeit at Walmart or Target, but still!) and paint and curtains and other things that will make it our home.

I found all of my old Lifehouse B-Sides on my computer today, which has been an excellent distraction from the 5-page trascript I have due on Thursday. Which clearly means spring break is over, and the sucky part of the semester begins (aka the three 12-page papers I have due in a month).

John and I watched the two younger nephews on Saturday. I couldn't help taking pictures, they are so adorable.

Ryan on his "big boy" bike.

Showing off his new front teeth!

a day off

2009-03-24T12:27:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Massachusetts to visit my cousin and her new baby. I haven't been able to catch up with my cousin in such a long time, it felt like we had ten years of each other's lives to catch up on. It was so nice to get away from everything that normally keeps me busy all day long and just relax. I haven't had a 'girls day' in forever. Not to mention that I've been dying to meet the baby since she was born. She is too cute and a really good baby.

When I was driving home, the GPS took me through mostly backroads for the first half of the drive which was kind of nice because it was gorgeous out today. I really hope it warms up soon - it was only 32 degrees today but it looked like it should have been 60.

John and I went to a mortgage lender and got approved for the amount we wanted...so now all we have to do is meet with other lenders to compare rates and other fun financial stuff, and look at as many condos as we can so we can be ready to buy when November rolls around. His two-year work history date is like November 8th (being self-employed, he has to show two years history of work) and the tax credit expires on December 1st, so we have about three weeks to decide on a condo, put in an offer, and close on it. Stressful!

And this is Milo when he was four weeks old...turning one year old in just a couple weeks! Time flies.

giving in

2009-03-18T14:27:00.000-07:00

Um, apparently I suck at posting lately.

My life has been crazy. I have had so much work to do for school that I have barely had time to shave my legs more than once a week. No lie. Not to mention John and I have started the crazy-stressful process of buying a condo...which obviously requires numerous hours spent browsing available units in central Connecticut. (What do you mean I have a history paper to write? There are condos to look at!) I have not straightened my hair in two weeks, I cannot get up without hitting the snooze button less than five times, and I require multiple cups of caffiene-infused tea to get through each day. My stress level has gone so high that I've had my period for close to two and a half weeks and I have broken out all along my chin...oh, and it's been taking me at least an hour to fall asleep. So, this is me asking whoever controls my destiny to please (pretty please!) cut me a break and add a few extra hours into each day until the semester ends. Okay? Thanks.

see what life's gonna hold down the road

2009-03-03T04:54:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken on my first dat of Kindergarten. I referenced that dress, the lunchbox (1990's, much??) and the giant yellow bus tag on my collar in my application for graduate school. I still remember standing there by the front door while my mom took my picture...how is it possible that so many years could go by so quickly?

John and I decided that we are going to get an apartment at the end of the year. Originally, he'd wanted to buy a house, but with this horrid economy, we think it would be smarter to not take on a mortgage until things pick up a little bit. Plus, we could rent for a couple years and save more money for a down payment. So now, instead of concentrating on the midterm I have at 5pm today, I have been looking at apartments for rent online. We found one we really like in the same complex where his parents live now. It has one bedroom, a den, a living room, kitchen, pantry and bathroom. I think we need at least that much space because between the two of us, we have three cats. My mother tried telling me I couldn't take Lucy and Ricky with me, which I shot down very quickly. They are clearly my cats, they dont even like anyone else in this house. Anyway...now I am trying to think of everything we will need to buy, because if we can slowly start buying what we don't already have, then we wont be faced with all that right when we move in. Donations will be gladly accepted! So far I've come up with these things that we need to buy: coffee pot (John can't go without coffee), tea kettle (I can't go without tea), pots & pans, and a vaccuum cleaner. I am sure there is more.

Did I mention I have a midterm at 5 today? I should really be studying, especially since I am skipping my two early classes today JUST so I can study. I'm blaming it on senioritis.

got milk?

2009-03-01T13:54:00.000-08:00

Since March of last year, I've been having a lot of issues with my stomach. I get nauseaus very easily, and have horrible heartburn, among other things. I've been seeing doctors and specialists since then, and have had multiple tests done to find out what is going on.

In the summer, I had an upper endoscopy done, which is when they stick a camera down your throat and into your stomach to see if there are any visible problems. I had some minor tearing, remnants of the days when my eating disorder was really bad. They said some of stomach pain could be from that. So I avoided acidic food and went about as normal. Not much improvement...

In the fall, ate eggs with magic ions in them and sat under a big x-ray machine for two and a half hours while they took pictures of how fast the food left my stomach. After eating, half of the food material should have left your stomach within 2 hours. None of mine did. So they diagnosed me with gastroparesis, which is when your stomach muscles don't work properly and food does not leave your stomach in a normal amount of time. They put me on medicine that makes my muscles contract to move the food material out. They said the gastroparesis was also from the anorexia/bulimia. Awesome...

A few months go by, and I'm still having some issues. And I find out that I am lactose intolerant. Which would be fine, except for the fact that I am also soy intolerant. Do you know how hard it is to find dairy products that are both lactose and soy free?? I spent 40 minutes at Whole Foods today looking for lactose-free and soy-free yogurt. Do you know how expensive it is when you find the ONE brand that is lactose-free and soy-free? A DOLLAR-NINTEEN for ONE 4oz carton of yougurt! That is absurd!

Now, they also think I have an overgrowth of bacteria in my small intestine and I have to go for another 2 and a half hour test during my spring break. I know the gastroparesis is my own doing, but I'm pretty sure you don't become lactose intolerant after having an eating disorder for five years. And I'm pretty sure an eating disorder does not cause bacteria growth in your small intestine. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank whichever one of my ancestors that gave me a horrible digestive system. Because now, I get to spend a fortune on special yogurt and milk, not to mention the plethora of foods I cannot eat anymore because they contain milk or soy.

just might make me believe

2009-02-24T03:25:00.000-08:00

Recently, a lot of my extended family in Sweden has connected to those of us in the US via facebook. The Internet is a genius way to connect people, and right now I'm thanking the stars for inventing it. 20 years ago, getting to know my family would have been a lot harder to do than it is today. I can email back and forth with my cousins in a matter of minutes, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think it's pretty cool to have such a large extended family that has strong roots, and I hope that is a value I can pass onto my children someday. It's comforting to know where you come from, and to know that there are people across the globe that care about you.

I am currently trying to make sense of the Communist Manifesto for a paper I have to write. I basically know what it is all about, but I could not write an intelligent paper about it. I keep finding things to distract me because this is not an aspect of history that is interesting to me what-so-ever. Give me World War II or colonial America anyday.

I am almost done with my application for UNH. I have to write one more essay, which is half done, and then just wait for all of my transcripts/test scores to reach the admissions office. Waiting sucks. I just want to know. This whole becoming-a-real-adult thing is scary, especially with the economy and job market the way it is. Do I really want to take out a $24,000 loan for graduate school? Could I really get a job without a master's degree?

I've been lifting at the gym for about a month now, and I swear my energy has just about doubled, and surprisingly my endurance has too. I can feel my clothes getting looser, which is fabulous.

time flies when you're having fun

2009-02-19T13:11:00.000-08:00

I have no time anymore! I wake up, go to work, come home, go to the gym, come home, do homework, go to bed, get up, go to the gym, go to school, come home, go to bed, get up...and on and on and on.

One good thing about having negative amounts of time is that the weeks fly by and before I know it, the weekend is back.

One bad thing about having negative amounts of time is that I haven't updated this more than once a week since school started again. Nor have I kept in touch with any of my friends.

The whole applying-to-grad-school thing takes up a lot of time, too. Hopefully once all my paperwork is sent in, I will have a little more time to do things that are not related to work or school.

Will you be my Valentine?

2009-02-15T14:42:00.000-08:00

I am not a fan of Valentine's Day; I think that if you love someone you should show it everyday, not just on a random day that florists and chocolate-makers decided to claim as their biggest-profit-of-the-year-day. For this reason, John and I agreed to not get each other anything and to keep it a low key day (and besides, he does cute things all year long for me, it's not like I need a specific day for it).

I made him a card though, because I couldn't help myself. And he got me one too, with a whole bunch of memories we've made since last February 14th, which I thought was so incredibly cute and thoughtful...and at the bottom of the card, he wrote "the future" which obviously was the cutest of them all. Plus, he got my favorite chocolate and a long-stemmed chocolate rose. That boy is too good to me.

We took his two older nephews to a hockey game on Saturday night which was a lot of fun. I was surprised that the younger one was more into it than the older one; he actually paid attention throughout the entire game and didn't want to go home when it was over. Today we took Milo on a field trip to visit my grandparents, which they enjoyed immensely. He did okay, he was a little nervous at first but he warmed up and was checking everything out after a little while.

John and the boys at the game

Milo's big adventure

I love my Valentine : )

today was a balmy 50 degrees!

2009-02-08T13:56:00.000-08:00

Milo being cute as ever.

What cool people play on Saturday nights.

He doesn't understand why he can't walk on the game board...and is very upset that we kept him off it.

Peanut butter cookies for the boy who melts my heart.

By the way, the credit card machine in the new Monopoly totally takes the fun out of it. You feel way richer with a stack of bills than with a measly plastic card. And I'm sorry, but how did Montreal beat out New York or Paris as the best spot on the board? Come on, Parker Brothers.

you are my sunshine

2009-02-05T14:00:00.000-08:00

This week is killing me.

I really hope that whoever controls time makes tomorrow go by really fast, until 5pm - and then I hope it drags forever. I am in serious need of a weekend and a back rub from my favorite man in the world.

Some sangria couldn't hurt, either.

I miss my brother.

now that i've found you

2009-02-04T15:23:00.000-08:00

Admiring: My non-bitten nails! It's been a month and a week and so far, I've kept my new year's resolution. Go me : )

Beating myself up about: I can't think of anything, which is shocking.

Crying Over: I haven't cried in weeks. I don't even remember the last time I cried.

Daydreaming About: Since John is planning on buying a house in the next year, I haven't stopped thinking about decorating it for him. Or being able to cook him food without worrying about anyone else needing the kitchen. Among other things : )

Excited Because: Nickelback is in a month and two days!

Frustrated because: Going to the gym doesn't visually pay off for weeks.

Grumpy because: I have a huge blister on my heel that is really painful.

Hate-filled and seething over: Immaturity...let's get over ourselves, already.

Indignant because: I am too lazy to look up the meaning of this word even though I have a pretty good idea of what it means.

Just shoot me now because: it is going to be freezing on campus tomorrow.

Kidding myself regarding: Ummm...

Listening to: My iTunes is on shuffle...currently playing Slide Acousic by the Goo Goo Dolls.

Mooning over: I'm pretty sure nothing.

Need: I need summer!

Obsessing over: Nothing, really.

Praying: For warmth and sunshine.

Questioning: Why I stay up late, knowing I'm going to hate myself at 6:00am.

Reading: This Way To The Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen...

Singing: Nothing : (

Trying: To go to bed earlier...and not succeeding.

Unnerved by: The nerve people have.

Valentiney Update: It is on a Saturday this year which makes me very excited.

Wondering: Why God invented winter.

X-Rated Action: X-Rated is not for my blog!

Yawning over: Being tired?

Zoinks: Doesn't Scooby Doo say that?

Clearly I am still lacking anything intelligent to post. I think I need inspiration.

i've had enough...

2009-02-03T14:08:00.000-08:00

...of snow. To last me a lifetime, in fact. I swear we have had more snow this year than I've experienced in my lifetime. It has snowed about once a week (sometimes twice!) since December.

I am tired of constantly cleaning off my car. I am sick of it finally looking somewhat decent, only to have the newest snow storm cake ice and salt all over it again. I am tired of multiple pairs of snow boots clogging up the pantry because no one wants to take Cooper outside in regular shoes. I am tired of snow blowers and ice on my sidewalk. I hate that the world always looks cold and miserable. I hate that the state doesn't have enough money to sand and salt the roads as much as is needed. Spring could not come soon enough.

I forgot to pay attention to the ground hog yesterday, but I'm sure his outcome was the same as always. Six more weeks of winter - what else can you expect in snowy Connecticut?

Evening classes were cancelled tonight, so I left campus around 4:45, but didn't get home until almost 6:30. The drive usually takes me 15 minutes!

I really think the world should vote to outlaw winter, I'm sure most people would agree that it is for the best.

hi andy!

2009-02-02T14:22:00.000-08:00

So, I got a web cam. I don't know what I'll do with it, other than send my brother videos while he is away at school.

For example, tonight my sister and I decided to record one with Cooper to post on his Facebook wall. Only problem? We can't figure out how to post it to his wall.

At least I can figure out how to post it here, right?

Please take note of my sister's reaction to beer.

moolah :)

2009-02-01T14:47:00.000-08:00

Despite doing almost nothing this weekend, it turned out to be a pretty good one.

I filed my taxes and will be getting $1700 back, which is good because I will be able to pay off my debt to John and still have $200 left over for myself. I found out I will be getting a $715 refund check from my school, which will be a nice chunk of money towards my car payment. And, my dad finally caved and opened a package that was delivered to our house a month ago that we didn't order...turns out, it had a nice set of headphones and a web cam in it, both of which are now part of my computer. I also managed to get a good amount of homework done Saturday morning before John woke up which means less to do tomorrow night.

John and I were so lazy all weekend; we slept til noon both days and didn't make it to the gym at all. We went to see Defiance last night though and it was by far one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. It's about three Jewish brothers during WWII who lead a group of over 1,000 through the Belorussian forests, on the run from the German army. It was definitely hard to watch at times because it was based on a true story, and obviously anything Holocaust-related is hard to stomach, but I find it all so fascinating. Makes you wonder how one man could convince hundreds of thousands of people that Jews deserved to be annihilated.

I can't think of much to write tonight, it's been kind of an off day. I am so ready for spring and sunshine and temperatures that don't keep me freezing all day long.

chocolate lava cake, anyone?

2009-01-29T14:28:00.000-08:00

So...I've been lifting weights at the gym recently. I used to lift, but when I started working a ton of hours last year I had to stop simply because of lack of time. One of my new year's resolutions was to be healthier and I know that lifting weights has all kinds of health benefits...so here I am, getting up even earlier to have more time at the gym to lift. I love it, it's a great stress reliever. I do not love that it makes me insanely hungry on the days I lift.

Speaking of food...anyone who knows me at all knows I am a sucker for molten chocolate lava cakes - in any of the various shapes, sizes and forms they come in. I first fell in love with the Chili's cake five years or so ago. Who can resist a chocolate cake with a gooey, warm chocolate center and a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top? As far as I know, it's irresistable. (Albeit 1280 calories...so my love for this cake was strictly reserved to super special occasions). In 2007, I discovered that one of the restaurants in Disney World had a very similar cake, only better because it was made in Disney. (Obviously, this makes it better). In 2008, I got it a second time when we returned to the restaurant. This past Disney trip, 2009, I found another restaurant that had the dessert, only this time it was the best I've ever had. I even took a picture of it, it was that good.

As I said before, I rarely ever eat these cakes because they are almost equivalent to the number of calories I take in in one day. This gets very bothersome, since I have an innate love for all that is chocolate and gooey. I frequently come home to a house that hasn't an ounce of chocolate in it, leaving me a very annoyed chocolate-less girl.

This all changed though, last Sunday, when I came home to find my mom bought me mini chocolate lava cake desserts that are only 150 calories a piece! No doubt they are not nearly as yummy as the 1300 calorie ones - but they do a good job at filling that chocolate craving at 9:00 at night...without wrecking the 2 hours I spend at the gym in the morning.

This is the yummiest dessert in the history of forever.

oh dear...

2009-01-28T11:40:00.000-08:00

This semester I have:

Three 14 page research papers.
One 5 page paper.
Three 4 page papers.
One group presentation.
Two independent presentation.
One of my classes has a quiz during every class session. One of my classes requires us to post 3 paragraph responses to reading before each class session.

Not to mention about 100-200 pages of reading due each Tuesday and Thursday (the days I have class).

Also, not to mention I work about 9 hours Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. And I do not get home from school until 9ish on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!

another semester begins

2009-01-26T13:27:00.000-08:00

someone please explain why 3 year old ryan looks huge next to 6 year old gabriel?

Let me just start out by saying that I detest the fact that I have to go back to school tomorrow. It is comforting though, that this is my second-to-last semester.

This weekend went by too quickly, as they all do. Friday night we went to the newly renovated Pizza King which was surprisingly ten times better than it used to be. We got a buffalo chicken pizza that was so yummy, mostly because it wasn't too hot. Saturday we went to the gym in the morning, watched Titanic, and hung out wtih the boys all afternoon. We took them to the new laser tag place on the Berlin turnpike - don't go there, if you know what is good for you. $40 for the four of us for about ten minutes. Ten! That's all! I mean, I could care less because I hate laser tag but it clearly was not enough time for the boys but there was no way we were slapping down another $40 for a measly ten minutes. So, we did the boring thing and went back to their house so Uncle Johnny could play video games with them while I talked with Jennifer. Sunday we slept in, mostly because I had the most unimaginable cramps ever and I didn't want to move. After a ton of advil kicked in, we went to the mall to get my aunt a birthday gift and I finally got a new pair of running shoes for the gym. We also went grocery shopping and got lots of healthy food because we are both trying to not let our hours at the gym be in vain. That night we had a birthday dinner here for my aunt, ate yummy food and watched a video from my aunt and uncles wedding 14 years ago. All I have to say about that is hank goodness puffy bangs are not in style anymore.

This weekend could have been a disasterous one. Saturday was a significant date, one that I've dreaded for the last several months. Luckily, I have a wonderful boyfriend who kept me busy and my mind off of things. I am sure I will write about it later, but I almost want to let some time pass so it's not in my face as much.

Have I mentioned that I detest that I have to go to school tomorrow?

sweet thing

2009-01-22T10:14:00.000-08:00

It has been very busy at work this week, but I love it. The days fly by so fast - I cannot believe tomorrow is Friday already.

I'm babysitting tonight, which I am excited for because I haven't seen the kids in months. Well, I've seen them because they live next door, but I haven't sat for them in a loooong time. I am also broke, so this is double good.

It is supposed to be a whopping 40 degrees tomorrow - it will feel like spring after this nonsense negative degree weather we've been having.

Speaking of the cold, I have to go outside in a few to walk to the neighbors. Clearly I am not driving ten feet to get there, even though it is FREEZING outside.

a time of hope and change

2009-01-20T13:22:00.000-08:00

Today history was made when Barack Obama was inaugurated as America's 44th President.

Because I love history, I found this all incredibly exciting.

I like Obama, perhaps not as much as I liked other political figures that did not even get the Republican nomination, but I like him. I think he is an excellent speaker and he speaks with the people, not to the people. I think the people like that. I think that a lot of people respect him more than W because he is an average American - his daddy didn't buy him a spot in government - he worked his way up the ladder.

I am a little sad that the 1.20.09 countdown I bought for John last year is over, now we will have to find something new to countdown to. Any ideas?

My mother bought this for me today - yes, it is a cookie. Of course I took pictures of it rather than eating it.

raspberry tea

2009-01-19T13:20:00.000-08:00

This picture was taken when I was about four or five. My uncle took me hiking at the Cranberry Bog in town, and my father took this picture of us walking back to the car. I think it is an awesome photograph - especially because he is not the nurturing, hand-holding type. He is a pretty awesome guy though and I love him lots.

I went back to the gym tonight, for the first time since mid December. I feel so much better now, and hopefully in a few weeks my jeans will love me a little bit more. I'm kind of looking forward to going back to school, only because I'll have Tuesday and Thursday mornings off until 12:30, so I can go to the gym in the mornings and not be rushed. But for now, I'm going to go drink raspberry tea and curl up in bed with a magazine and my kitties.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, there are only about 14 more hours left of W. That makes a lot of people happy, I'm pretty sure.

i think i got it right this time

2009-01-18T14:53:00.000-08:00

It's snowing. Again. It snowed last night, it's snowing now, and it's going to snow on and off for the next two days. Please remind me to move to Florida as soon as I'm done with school, ok?

I love weekends. I love laying in bed all day with John and Milo.

Speaking of Milo...he got a new toy. It's a pretty big one. It's a cat tree, and it goes from the floor to the ceiling, and has ledges every foot or so that he can sit on. As we all know, Milo is not the type of cat to just...sit. He tends to scramble to the top of the tree and look out over the entire room. He'll stay like that for a minute, or until he sees something he must investigate and then he jumps from the top down to the bed...a pretty big drop for a little guy. I'd been hearing about his newest antics all week and couldn't wait to see for myself when I got to John's on Friday night. It was funny at first, and as usual I took pictures of him flying through the room like super-kitty. Fast forward an hour or so, after we'd gone to bed, after we'd fallen asleep. Out of nowhere, I felt ten pounds of cat land on my back. After that happens a couple times, it gets to be not so cute anymore ; )

yes, he has devil eyes ; )

Remember the time I said I was going to make a book of all the sweet things John does, so that when I'm having a bad day I can look at it and be instantly cheered up? Well, this entire week I was going through John withdrawal...after spending 11 days straight with him, it was weird to not see him for five days and I missed him like crazy. And apparently I made sure I told him that 47 times this weekend, not to mention I barely let go of him for five hours ; ) So tonight, he sent me an IM telling me he was going to bed. It went like this (minus the screen names because there are lots of internets stalkers out there):

John: it's time for bed
Me: ok babe
John: sweet dreams, i miss you already!
Me: Awwwwwww!

You have to understand, he never says he misses me. I'd rather him not say these things because it's way cuter when he does : )

my oh my

2009-01-14T15:20:00.000-08:00

I have a cold. I keep whining about it. But seriously...I never get sick, so I'm allowed to whine when I do.

I miss Milo. I also miss when he was a baby and let me cuddle with him all the time.

I also miss when Cooper was a puppy. It's a good thing he's still insanely cute.

I want to dye my hair dark but I don't want to pay to keep it dark.

Did I mention I can't breathe?

I want this. I got this while I was in Disney...I've wanted it for five years.

I miss the sun and the heat and the fabulousness of Florida weather.

I hope this writer's block is gone when I wake up in the morning.

you can call me rudolph

2009-01-13T15:08:00.000-08:00

I can't breathe out of the right side of my nose, or swallow without feeling like my throat is made out of sandpaper.

My nose is all red and sore from cheap tissues.

I am so cold that I took two showers since getting home from work just to warm up.

This is crazy.

I really don't like winter.

bring me back to floridaaaaa

the most magical place on earth

2009-01-12T08:10:00.000-08:00

It is always very sad when I get home from Disney, but this year it is a little different. Why?

Weeellll...

John and I bought real estate in Disney. We own .99% of the Animal Kindgdom Lodge Resort - click the link to see the amazing view from the rooms. As Disney Vacation Club members, we get 160 vacation points to use each year (which is equal to one huge vacation overseas or two week-long vacations in the states) in over 500 places around the world. Pretty sweet deal, and it lasts for 50 years. So, I am not too sad about coming home because we are likely going back in September and taking his family (including the three nephews) to a grand villa at Saratoga Springs (the resort where my parents own property).

The trip was a lot of fun; very exhausting, but fun. Driving down and back was fun, except for getting lost in Philly and being in the car for 21 straight hours on the way home. I was going to post a lot of pictures, but I spent hours putting them up on facebook and myspace this morning, so you can just go look at them there.

Sunday we arrived around 3pm, got to our villa and unpacked before heading over to the Beach Club Villas for our dinner reservations. That resort was super nice but I couldn't deal with the bus system they have - they share with four other resorts. Our resort, Saratoga, has its own bus which makes things waaay easier. Dinner kind of sucked because it was a buffet and those gross me out, but we got to color on the table so I was happy. Also, there was a super awesome dessert that made it worth going there. After dinner we walked along the boardwalk which was also really cool but crowded. I wish I'd taken more pictures there - it was really nice.

Monday we went to the Magic Kingdom (how can you not go there first?) and did a few rides. Splash Mountain was closed again this year (which means I have no done it since 2005 :( ), but we made up for it by going on Thunder Mountain a bunch. We rode the "people-mover," Pirates of the Caribbean and Haunted Mansion. It was really crowded because Monday's are the busiest day for Magic Kingdom, so we went back to the pool after lunch. We had beautiful weather - 85 degrees and sunny. We had dinner at our resort and walked over to Downtown Disney for the night. We got drinks at Raglan Road and walked around the strip there.

Tuesday we went to Epcot. We stayed with my family for the morning and did the Nemo ride, went to Club Cool (they have different sodas from all over the world and last year my parents tricked me into drinking the Italian soda that tastes like sour cough syrup, and they wanted to get John to try it). John and I went on our own and did each of the countries in World Showcase. It was really nice to go through each of them. We stopped by a Disney Vacation Club booth and randomly signed up for the preview, only because we'd get $30 in gift cards for doing it. Little did we know we'd be signing up for DVC on Saturday ; ). That night we had dinner at Kona Cafe at the Polynesian which was good - it had the most amazing dessert ever. It was chocolate cake filled with hot chocolate gooey stuff. Oh my goodness, so so so yummy. We watched the fireworks at the Magic Kingdom from the Polynesian resort that night which was fun but man it gets cold at night! We originally were going to go swimming there but I was so cold that I chickened out.

Wednesday we went to MGM (I dont care that they changed the name to Hollywood Studios, it will always be MGM to me lol) and because of my stomach thing I couldn't do my FAVORITE ride ever, but hopefully I'll be able to when we go back in September. We saw Indiana Jones for the first time which was so funny. They had a bunch of people from the audience go down to be in the show, and there was this one guy, "Tito from Cuba" who was the funniest thing ever. He couldn't understand English so when the instructor gave cues, he was totally clueless. He paused in the middle of the show and yelled up to his family in the audience "photo!" and posed with one of the stunt guys. I hope we have it on tape, and if we do I'll put it on here because you will pee your pants laughing. Turns out in the end, he was part of the show all along. We did the new Toy Story ride which was so cute, I loved it. John and I stayed a while after everyone else and did Star Tours and met some characters. We headed over to MK in the afternoon and did a few rides and watched the Mickey's Phillharmagic show. We had dinner at Planet Hollywood that night which was SO good. I got manicotti and completely stuffed my face - I am so going back there again. We had our own little room there, and I was sitting right under the real book of spells from Hocus Pocus (I was totally into that movie when I was ten, haha).

Thursday we went to Animal Kindgom which I looove. We went on the Safari ride and saw giraffes, lions (up close too!) and my favorite, tigers. John and I went on the river rapid ride and I got soaked, we did Primeval Whirl and Dinosaur and all sorts of fun stuff. We saw really cute endangered monkeys and got to pet goats and even saw a real live komodo dragon! That night we went to Epcot for dinner with Mickey and Chip & Dale. We went on Test Track three times in a row that night and got some funny pictures on it. I freaking love that ride, I wish we could have done it more.

Friday was a sad day because it was our last, but we went to Epcot in the morning and did Soarin' and the Figment ride and some other stuff. We went to Magic Kingdom that night for dinner at Tony's which I love just because Lady and the Tramp is one of my favorite movies. John and I got a bunch of pictures taken in front of the Castle at night, and did all of the kid rides that are usually really busy during the day. We rode Snow White, Winnie the Pooh, and the Speedway which I've never been able to do. I was so tired by the end that I was ready to head home.

And now I'm just happy that Cooper is home from the kennel, I missed that guy so much.

Oh, and I found out today that I have an extra week off from school. That totally made my day!

off to the most magical place in the world!

2009-01-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

It is 6:30 pm right now, and in less than ten hours I will be on my way to sunny, WARM, and magical Disney World.

I still have to pack some stuff. And give my kitties a million kisses to last them all week. I just got back from dropping Cooper off at "doggy camp" and amazingly I did not cry when I left him this time.

I am very excited.

See you all on January 12!

I sure hope I get to see this fabulous guy : )

Hello 2009!

2009-01-01T14:59:00.000-08:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I attempted to learn how to rollerblade...which didn't end well. I drank legally. I can't think of anything else.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember making any last year. I guess that means I didn't not keep any, right?

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My cousin just did a few days ago.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No but a lot of people died this year - mostly my residents, but also quite a few people I knew outside of the nursing home too.

5. What countries did you visit?
None! Well, unless you count the ones in Epcot ; )

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
I think I should do more things for me.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I don't remember the exact dates because everything was insanely overwhelming, but there are a couple days I'll never forget.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Being able to buy a car?

9. What was your biggest failure?
As always, not talking things through when I'm upset. Maybe my resolution this year should be to stop keeping everything to myself?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had pleurisy (not fun at all), and I broke my elbow.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Pepper, obviously. I love her.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
John - he is the most selfless person I know.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My brother.

14. Where did most of your money go?
For most of the year, it went to gas. Then to my car and car payments. Fuuun : )

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Getting Milo! And going to NYC to spend the day with Kirby and Alynda!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
A few - Broken - Lifehouse; Always Be My Baby - David Cook; I Get It - Kate Voegele.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
(a) Happier or Sadder? Happier.
(b) Thinner or Fatter? Actually, a little bit thinner.
(c) Richer or Poorer? Well I'm making more money but it doesn't last long (thank you Pepper).

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
I wish I spent more time on school in the spring semester.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Arguing with my mother. I'm beginning to think I can't help it.

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008?
With my family on Christmas Eve and with John's family on Christmas Day.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
Stayed?

22. How many one-night stands?
None. Sad, I know.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Army Wives, One Tree Hill, Private Practice, and American Idol when it's on.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try not to hate anyone.

25. What was the best book you read?
My Sister's Keeper.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Kate Voegele.

27. What did you want and get?
A kitten and a car. I got both : )

28. What did you want and not get?
A winning lottery ticket.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
PS I Love You, Wall-E, Role Models.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
It was Thanksgiving day, so I ate turkey. And I turned 21.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More money, more sunny days, less time working.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Simple. I can't see the sense in spending hours getting ready each day.

33. What kept you sane?
Milo.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Charlize Theron. I love her.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Immigration. I actually learned a lot about it that I didn't know before, but it didn't change my opinion much.

36. Who did you miss?
I didn't really miss anyone this year. That much, anyway.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
Kirby and Alynda! Although, I already knew they were awesome.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
I'm still trying to figure it out, ask me next year.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain there is healing; in your name I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm still holding, I'm barely holding onto you. Pretty self-explanatory, if you know the situation.

40. What are your resolutions for 2009?
I want to stop biting my nails, I want to write (f0r myself, not for anything academic) at least twice a week, and I want to try to sort through the mess in my head.

We did't do much for New Year's. We went to Chuck's Steakhouse and paid way too much for mediocre food, and froze our butts off in the frostbite temperatures. I didn't feel good and he was tired so we didn't go out (oh yeah, and it was freezing) - instead we stayed home and watched the ball drop on TV and drank champagne (well, I had a couple sips and he had two glasses, ha). I could not believe the people in Times Square - there were warnings on the news that thirty minutes outdoors could lead to frostbite and there were STILL over a million people standing out there. Crazy...I would never sit in the cold that long. I hate being cold.

Here is to a healthy and happy 2009 for everyone!

another year gone

2008-12-30T12:16:00.000-08:00

2008 feels like it FLEW by - wasn't it just yesterday I was packing up for the last Disney trip? That was almost a year ago - crazy, I tell you. Here are some of my favorite memories of 2008:

January
>>Disney World with my family - minus getting sick halfway through the trip. I especially liked the night we ate at the Garden Grill and got visited by the Mouse himself.
>>Getting surprised on New Year's with a haircut and tickets to see PS I Love You. I wonder who did that? ; )
>>Seeing KEITH URBAN and Carrie Underwood at Mohegan with my friend Carey.
>>John & I having our pictures taken in a photobooth at the mall - you don't understand that I bugged him to do this for MONTHS, and I was so excited when he caved. He even has the picture hanging on the wall in his room.

February
>>Having a dozen roses and a teddy bear delivered to me by you-know-who on Valentine's Day.
>>Getting a new job - a steady and well-paying job (even if it didn't work out in the end).
>>Seeing my first Wolfpack game at the Civic center - and having front row seats! (They won, in case you were wondering).

March
>>LIFEHOUSE AT THE WEBSTER. Thanks to my fabulous friend Amanda, we were right in the front row. It was an amazing show, as they all are. Especially because they played From Where You Are. Swoooon.
>>Spring break...just because nothing else significant happened in March.
>>Taking the cutest picture EVER of Cooper.

April
>>Going to Disney with my grandma - she had so much fun, it was awesome to see her so happy. Clearly, it is magical there.
>>Seeing my brother and sister perform in Epcot - their band did an awesome job, and it was just so cool so see them play in my favorite place in the world.
>>Breaking my elbow - it's the first broken bone for me! I guess rollerblading & me do not mix well.

May
>>Gillette's Castle - it was a rough day for John & me, but it was so nice to have that day together. We even carved our names into the bridge there.
>>Getting MILO! Possibly the best thing that happened all year. He kind of filled in the hole that was left, and he quickly stole both of our hearts.
>>Memorial Day - annual picnic at my house. I love watching the parade, this year we watched it at the nursing home with some of my residents. The picnic was a lot of fun, always good to see friends & family.
>>The start of BBQs for the residents at the nursing home - I really loved them all and it was great to see them outside and enjoying the sun and warm weather. They brightened many rough days for me, and I'll never forget them for it.
And, I just want to add, that despite this being the hardest and most emotionally draining month of my life, it was filled with some pretty awesome people.

June
>>Seeing Drew graduate from high school.
>>Buying my first brand new car! It's a great feeling knowing I can do that for myself.
>>Chopping ALL of my hair off - hey, it's what I do after traumatic events. ; )

July
>>One year with John - I'd never felt so lucky in my life and every day I find new things to be thankful for.
>>Going to Mystic for a weekend with him. Seeing the Aquarium, Seaport, and giant striper fish that scared the crap out of me at the beach!
>>4th of July - one of my favorite days. Watching the fireworks, spending the day at the river with my family. I MISS SUMMER!

August
>>Seeing Backstreet Boys with the girls - it was a really fun concert and you can bet we sang our butts off!
>>Roasting marshmallow's with John's nephews - it was such a fun night and I got some awesome pictures of the boys.
>>Drew's going away party - off to college for him! We especially had fun learning gang signs from Aunt Sonia later in the night ; )

September
>>New York City! It was awesome spending the day with Amanda, Kirby and Alynda! We had the best time getting lost and wandering around the streets of NYC. I'll never forget that day.
>>Quitting my job at the nursing home! I loved the residents, but hated the way the place was run. I needed to get out of there just because it was so stressful, and was so relieved when I finally put in my notice.
>>Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays! My mom, John's mom, Jacob and Gabriel all had birthdays. It's fun seeing little kids on their birthdays, it makes me wish I was little again too.

October
>> Taking the kids hiking at Wadsworth Falls. We had so much fun that day, and it made me even more thankful to have John and his family in my life.
>>Making Milo a LOLCat. Enough said ; )
>>Starting my new job! Less stress = yay!

November
>>Thanksgiving/my birthday - this month was crazy busy/stressful with school, and the long weekend at the end of the month was a fabulous break from it all.
>>Being legal!
>>Going to Mohegan Sun with John and my grandparents - they had so much fun they didn't realize it was 2:30 in the morning. Silly grandpas =)

December
>>Massive snow storm! We shoveled for two days straight, and now I still have a sore back from it. Thanks, mother nature.
>>Griswold Inn with my family for an early Christmas dinner.
>>Christmas. For obvious reasons.
>>Meeting little Ursa, the newest (and temporary) member of my family.
>>Isabel Noel's birth. She's really cute. And has a lot of hair.

Things I'm thankful for this year? John. He is too good to me and sometimes I think I don't deserve it. And for Milo, for saving my heart when all I needed was something to love. This year was hard, but all I have to do is look at John or Milo and then I know how I got through it.

Bring on 2009!

christmas is over already?!

2008-12-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

I'm going to try to make my Christmas story as short as possible because it lasted four days, and that could turn into a really long post.

Christmas Eve all of the Swedes went to the Riverdale as usual. My mom, cousin Caroline and I set up the entire hall that afternoon, which took about an hour. I rushed home, made a yummy broccoli dish in record time, got ready in even better record time, and headed back to the Riverdale with John for the party. Uncle Gary & Aunt Laura brought the puppy who now has a name (Ursa!) which was fun. She pretty much doubled in size since I saw her last - which was only a week ago. We did the Silly Swap as usual, but John, Erin & I gave our numbers to our little cousins Katie, Lia and Jill since they didn't have numbers. It's more fun to see the kids have fun, anyway. I chatted with little Maddie, who is the sweetest thing ever. After, my family went to the midnight service at church, where Jenny, Christy and I couldn't stop giggling and where Baby Jesus magically lit Andrew's candle fifteen minutes early.

Christmas Day we woke up around 9am, and had to wait until 10 before we were "allowed" downstairs. My dad made the traditional Christmas morning cinnamon buns and Grandma Keser came over to open gifts with us. Santa came and left us all stockings - apparently he thinks we smell, because we all got deoderant, razors, and shower gel in our stockings this year. ; ) John came over around 11:30 and he & I exchanged our gifts. He loved his miniature Mustang RC car (that looks just like his!) and his book from Milo. Around 1:00 the rest of my family arrived and we stayed for a little bit before heading over to his sister's house to eat Christmas dinner and do gifts with the boys. It was fun seeing the boys so excited - Ryan was so antsy to open gifts - it didnt matter if they were for him or not! He tore into a couple during dinner, but all was forgiven since it was Christmas. We went down to the playroom while the boys tried out their brand new Wii, and Jen and I played with Ryan and his Batman Cave. It was a really, really nice Christmas, maybe one of the best ever. That night, we went back to John's where he gave me a white gold ring and matching necklace with my birthstone - they are absolutely beautiful. Like I said, best Christmas ever : )

The day after, we woke up and made pancakes and eggs for his parents and ourselves- yum! We layed around in bed for a while enjoying the long weekend and then came to my house to play with Cooper for a while. My dad made pizza for dinner with his new pizza stone which was yummy. We stopped at his sister's to give them another gift that arrived a day late (stupid mail) and headed off to see Marley & Me which I definitely reccomend, but be ready to cry. It's really sad. Even John was sad after! Saturday we met his mom and sister for lunch at Chilis, and spent a couple hours shopping afterwards. I'm lucky that he has such a great mom & sister, I have so much fun with them. Later on, we made a gingerbread train - I haven't made a gingerbread anything since about second grade! It was fun - Milo helped us out a whole bunch. He's always got to be in the middle of everything : ) We watched Stepbrothers that night, twice, and were very lazy again. I love being lazy. Especially with someone so cute.

Today we woke up and made waffles, played with Milo a whole bunch because we are going to miss him while we are in Disney next week. And I got a 20 minute backrub which was fabulous - my back hurts way less now. Which is good because we are going to Disney in less than a week! (!!!!!)

I have lots to do this week, like pack and clean and make sure I have enough change for the tolls. And AMANDA is coming to visit on Tuesday! Gonna be a busy week!

my sister and I on Christmas morning

with some of my little cousins on Christmas Eve

John and I on Christmas Eve

the fabulous gingerbread train

i sure am gonna miss this little guy next week!

the way i loved you

2008-12-23T15:19:00.000-08:00

It's been kind of a strange day. I dont really know how to explain it.

I woke up this morning and decided to check my email before leaving for work. Usually I barely have time to brush my teeth before I leave and I still manage to be five minutes late, but today I had a half hour to kill before leaving. Sooo, I decided to see if I got an email from Snapfish (I've been waiting to hear if the gift for John's sister has been shipped) and - surprise! - it shipped yesterday. Out of the corner of my eye I saw an email from Casey - I know a few Casey's so I didn't think anything of it, until I realized that my cousin's husband's name is Casey. My cousin who was due to have a baby on Christmas. Why would I be getting an email from him? Oh, because she had her baby this morning!

My first reaction was complete excitement - it's been three years since we've had a baby in my family, she's one of my favorite cousins, and she's basically going to be the coolest mom ever. I called my grandma and my mom to tell them - we've been playing the waiting game for two weeks to hear if anything happened. I have been nervous for this though, because of the timing of it all. I was surprised with myself, for being so excited and happy about it all. Babies are exciting, right?

Five minutes later, I was looking at the picture of the baby and starting uncontrollably crying - ten minutes before I had to leave for work. I feel jealous, and sad, and angry...and guilty for feeling anything but happiness for them. It came out of nowhere; happy and excited one second and BAM! uncontrollable tears the next.

I really truly am happy that Isabel is here; my crazy emotions are not related to her or my cousin - it just reminds me of my situation and how I still hide how hard it is to deal with on a daily basis. I haven't really talked about it with anyone - I know that keeping it to myself only makes it that much harder to deal with, but I do it anyway. I play it off like it's not a big deal, I even make jokes about it. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it, or wish that it was different. Some days it's easier, and when I think about it, it's just 'ok, this is a part of my life, this is a part of who I am.' Then there are days when it drags me down, when it's all I can think about, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry for hours. There are days when I ache to talk to someone about it, but who? No one would understand it. I've told very few people about it - my family doesn't even really know. I think most of the time, I just want a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok. I desperately want to talk about it but I feel like I can't - or if I tried, I'd freeze because I'm afraid of falling apart.

I think, in all honesty, I really just need to let myself fall apart. I dont think I can move on until I do.

so baby drive slow til we run out of road

2008-12-22T15:01:00.000-08:00

the mickey wreath looking very festive

my neighbor's giant pine tree

our fence. and pepper in the background looking quite dirty =(

we shoveled and cleared off cars all day = we were cold. especially my nose.

a tree. i thought it looked cool.

I finished my Christmas shopping today, at Target. I feel like I didn't do much this year, but it's because my family did Secret Santa, so I only had to get my sister something. Even then, we had a spending limit and the thing she wanted was over the limit so that's all I got her. I did a photo theme this year, and I hope Snapfish follows through on their promise for delivery by the 24th. I am making a broccoli dish for Christmas Eve which is the DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Which means I need to go shopping and buy broccoli!

Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. My Grandfather's side of the family (the Swedes - there are about fifty of us - not including in-laws) rents a hall for Christmas Eve and it's just fabulous. It's the only time we all get to see each other, and we do a pinata (we are Swedes that like to pretend to be Hispanic, apparently) and we do the Swedish tradition of St.Lucia, we do the "silly swap" (everyone wraps a funny gift and it's kind of like a grab bag with rules to make it even more fun) and Santa even makes an appearance. It's just the best night of the year. It makes me remember being little, and being SO excited that Santa was coming and getting to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted. Years later, I don't know how I never realized "Santa" was my cousin, I suppose it is the blonde in me. Afterward, we go to the midnight service at church which is beautiful because it's all candle light. When I was little, we'd always get in trouble for making too much noise...but honestly, how can you expect three kids to be quiet in church when Santa is coming in a few hours!?

Disney is in twelve days. Yes, twelve. Twelve days until I will be basking in 85 degree weather, surrounded by all the most magical things in the world. It's the only thing getting me through this disaster of a winter we are having so far.

I also bought Taylor Swift's new album Fearless on iTunes tonight. I officially need to stop spending money otherwise I wont be able to afford my Minnie Mouse ears in Disney, which is clearly a priority in my life ; )

it's looking like a white christmas

2008-12-21T11:48:00.000-08:00

If I didn't lose my camera at John's, I'd be able to post the pictures of the blizzard that hit the northeast this weekend. It basically lasted 48 hours and left parts of the state with 15+ inches of snow.

I spent the weekend shoveling, cleaning off cars, and curled up in bed with John & Milo, and it was fabulous, minus the shoveling and cleaning off cars part.

I almost finished my Christmas shopping, I just have one more thing to get John and I'll be all set.

PS - This is Cooper's first real experience with a lot of snow, and he took to hopping like a rabbit instead of walking. I'm going to try to get a video of it because it's pretty entertaining to see ; )

always

2008-12-18T15:03:00.000-08:00

I love when I have a horrible day, when everything goes wrong and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and not wake up for days, he always makes me feel better.