another year gone

2008 feels like it FLEW by - wasn't it just yesterday I was packing up for the last Disney trip? That was almost a year ago - crazy, I tell you. Here are some of my favorite memories of 2008:

January
>>Disney World with my family - minus getting sick halfway through the trip. I especially liked the night we ate at the Garden Grill and got visited by the Mouse himself.
>>Getting surprised on New Year's with a haircut and tickets to see PS I Love You. I wonder who did that? ; )
>>Seeing KEITH URBAN and Carrie Underwood at Mohegan with my friend Carey.
>>John & I having our pictures taken in a photobooth at the mall - you don't understand that I bugged him to do this for MONTHS, and I was so excited when he caved. He even has the picture hanging on the wall in his room.

February
>>Having a dozen roses and a teddy bear delivered to me by you-know-who on Valentine's Day.
>>Getting a new job - a steady and well-paying job (even if it didn't work out in the end).
>>Seeing my first Wolfpack game at the Civic center - and having front row seats! (They won, in case you were wondering).

March
>>LIFEHOUSE AT THE WEBSTER. Thanks to my fabulous friend Amanda, we were right in the front row. It was an amazing show, as they all are. Especially because they played From Where You Are. Swoooon.
>>Spring break...just because nothing else significant happened in March.
>>Taking the cutest picture EVER of Cooper.

April
>>Going to Disney with my grandma - she had so much fun, it was awesome to see her so happy. Clearly, it is magical there.
>>Seeing my brother and sister perform in Epcot - their band did an awesome job,  and it was just so cool so see them play in my favorite place in the world.
>>Breaking my elbow - it's the first broken bone for me! I guess rollerblading & me do not mix well.

May
>>Gillette's Castle - it was a rough day for John & me, but it was so nice to have that day together. We even carved our names into the bridge there.
>>Getting MILO! Possibly the best thing that happened all year. He kind of filled in the hole that was left, and he quickly stole both of our hearts.
>>Memorial Day - annual picnic at my house. I love watching the parade, this year we watched it at the nursing home with some of my residents. The picnic was a lot of fun, always good to see friends & family.
>>The start of BBQs for the residents at the nursing home - I really loved them all and it was great to see them outside and enjoying the sun and warm weather. They brightened many rough days for me, and I'll never forget them for it.
And, I just want to add, that despite this being the hardest and most emotionally draining month of my life, it was filled with some pretty awesome people.

June
>>Seeing Drew graduate from high school.
>>Buying my first brand new car! It's a great feeling knowing I can do that for myself.
>>Chopping ALL of my hair off - hey, it's what I do after traumatic events. ; )

July
>>One year with John - I'd never felt so lucky in my life and every day I find new things to be thankful for.
>>Going to Mystic for  a weekend with him. Seeing the Aquarium, Seaport, and giant striper fish that scared the crap out of me at the beach!
>>4th of July - one of my favorite days. Watching the fireworks, spending the day at the river with my family. I MISS SUMMER!

August
>>Seeing Backstreet Boys with the girls - it was a really fun concert and you can bet we sang our butts off!
>>Roasting marshmallow's with John's nephews - it was such a fun night and I got some awesome pictures of the boys.
>>Drew's going away party - off to college for him! We especially had fun learning gang signs from Aunt Sonia later in the night ; )

September
>>New York City! It was awesome spending the day with Amanda, Kirby and Alynda! We had the best time getting lost and wandering around the streets of NYC. I'll never forget that day.
>>Quitting my job at the nursing home! I loved the residents, but hated the way the place was run. I needed to get out of there just because it was so stressful, and was so relieved when I finally put in my notice.
>>Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays! My mom, John's mom, Jacob and Gabriel all had birthdays. It's fun seeing little kids on their birthdays, it makes me wish I was little again too.

October
>> Taking the kids hiking at Wadsworth Falls. We had so much fun that day, and it made me even more thankful to have John and his family in my life.
>>Making Milo a LOLCat. Enough said ; )
>>Starting my new job! Less stress = yay!

November
>>Thanksgiving/my birthday - this month was crazy busy/stressful with school, and the long weekend at the end of the month was a fabulous break from it all.
>>Being legal!
>>Going to Mohegan Sun with John and my grandparents - they had so much fun they didn't realize it was 2:30 in the morning. Silly grandpas =)

December
>>Massive snow storm! We shoveled for two days straight, and now I still have a sore back from it. Thanks, mother nature.
>>Griswold Inn with my family for an early Christmas dinner.
>>Christmas. For obvious reasons.
>>Meeting little Ursa, the newest (and temporary) member of my family.
>>Isabel Noel's birth. She's really cute. And has a lot of hair.

Things I'm thankful for this year? John. He is too good to me and sometimes I think I don't deserve it. And for Milo, for saving my heart when all I needed was something to love. This year was hard, but all I have to do is look at John or Milo and then I know how I got through it.

Bring on 2009!

christmas is over already?!

I'm going to try to make my Christmas story as short as possible because it lasted four days, and that could turn into a really long post.

Christmas Eve all of the Swedes went to the Riverdale as usual. My mom, cousin Caroline and I set up the entire hall that afternoon, which took about an hour. I rushed home, made a yummy broccoli dish in record time, got ready in even better record time, and headed back to the Riverdale with John for the party. Uncle Gary & Aunt Laura brought the puppy who now has a name (Ursa!) which was fun. She pretty much doubled in size since I saw her last - which was only a week ago. We did the Silly Swap as usual, but John, Erin & I gave our numbers to our little cousins Katie, Lia and Jill since they didn't have numbers. It's more fun to see the kids have fun, anyway. I chatted with little Maddie, who is the sweetest thing ever. After, my family went to the midnight service at church, where Jenny, Christy and I couldn't stop giggling and where Baby Jesus magically lit Andrew's candle fifteen minutes early.

Christmas Day we woke up around 9am, and had to wait until 10 before we were "allowed" downstairs. My dad made the traditional Christmas morning cinnamon buns and Grandma Keser came over to open gifts with us. Santa came and left us all stockings - apparently he thinks we smell, because we all got deoderant, razors, and shower gel in our stockings this year. ; ) John came over around 11:30 and he & I exchanged our gifts. He loved his miniature Mustang RC car (that looks just like his!) and his book from Milo. Around 1:00 the rest of my family arrived and we stayed for a little bit before heading over to his sister's house to eat Christmas dinner and do gifts with the boys. It was fun seeing the boys so excited - Ryan was so antsy to open gifts - it didnt matter if they were for him or not! He tore into a couple during dinner, but all was forgiven since it was Christmas. We went down to the playroom while the boys tried out their brand new Wii, and Jen and I played with Ryan and his Batman Cave. It was a really, really nice Christmas, maybe one of the best ever. That night, we went back to John's where he gave me a white gold ring and matching necklace with my birthstone - they are absolutely beautiful. Like I said, best Christmas ever : )

The day after, we woke up and made pancakes and eggs for his parents and ourselves- yum! We layed around in bed for a while enjoying the long weekend and then came to my house to play with Cooper for a while. My dad made pizza for dinner with his new pizza stone which was yummy. We stopped at his sister's to give them another gift that arrived a day late (stupid mail) and headed off to see Marley & Me which I definitely reccomend, but be ready to cry. It's really sad. Even John was sad after! Saturday we met his mom and sister for lunch at Chilis, and spent a couple hours shopping afterwards. I'm lucky that he has such a great mom & sister, I have so much fun with them. Later on, we made a gingerbread train - I haven't made a gingerbread anything since about second grade! It was fun - Milo helped us out a whole bunch. He's always got to be in the middle of everything : ) We watched Stepbrothers that night, twice,  and were very lazy again. I love being lazy. Especially with someone so cute.

Today we woke up and made waffles, played with Milo a whole bunch because we are going to miss him while we are in Disney next week. And I got a 20 minute backrub which was fabulous - my back hurts way less now. Which is good because we are going to Disney in less than a week! (!!!!!)

I have lots to do this week, like pack and clean and make sure I have enough change for the tolls. And AMANDA is coming to visit on Tuesday! Gonna be a busy week!

my sister and I on Christmas morning

with some of my little cousins on Christmas Eve

John and I on Christmas Eve

the fabulous gingerbread train

i sure am gonna miss this little guy next week!

the way i loved you

It's been kind of a strange day. I dont really know how to explain it.

I woke up this morning and decided to check my email before leaving for work. Usually I barely have time to brush my teeth before I leave and I still manage to be five minutes late, but today I had a half hour to kill before leaving. Sooo, I decided to see if I got an email from Snapfish (I've been waiting to hear if the gift for John's sister has been shipped) and - surprise! - it shipped yesterday.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw an email from Casey - I know a few Casey's so I didn't think anything of it, until I realized that my cousin's husband's name is Casey. My cousin who was due to have a baby on Christmas. Why would I be getting an email from him? Oh, because she had her baby this morning!

My first reaction was complete excitement - it's been three years since we've had a baby in my family, she's one of my favorite cousins, and she's basically going to be the coolest mom ever. I called my grandma and my mom to tell them - we've been playing the waiting game for two weeks to hear if anything happened. I have been nervous for this though, because of the timing of it all. I was surprised with myself, for being so excited and happy about it all. Babies are exciting, right?

Five minutes later, I was looking at the picture of the baby and starting uncontrollably crying - ten minutes before I had to leave for work. I feel jealous, and sad, and angry...and guilty for feeling anything but happiness for them. It came out of nowhere; happy and excited one second and BAM! uncontrollable tears the next.

I really truly am happy that Isabel is here; my crazy emotions are not related to her or my cousin - it just reminds me of my situation and how I still hide how hard it is to deal with on a daily basis. I haven't really talked about it with anyone - I know that keeping it to myself only makes it that much harder to deal with, but I do it anyway. I play it off like it's not a big deal, I even make jokes about it. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it, or wish that it was different. Some days it's easier, and when I think about it, it's just 'ok, this is a part of my life, this is a part of who I am.' Then there are days when it drags me down, when it's all I can think about, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry for hours. There are days when I ache to talk to someone about it, but who? No one would understand it. I've told very few people about it - my family doesn't even really know. I think most of the time, I just want a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok. I desperately want to talk about it but I feel like I can't - or if I tried, I'd freeze because I'm afraid of falling apart.

I think, in all honesty, I really just need to let myself fall apart. I dont think I can move on until I do.

so baby drive slow til we run out of road

the mickey wreath looking very festive

my neighbor's giant pine tree

our fence. and pepper in the background looking quite dirty =(

we shoveled and cleared off cars all day = we were cold. especially my nose.

a tree. i thought it looked cool.

I finished my Christmas shopping today, at Target. I feel like I didn't do much this year, but it's because my family did Secret Santa, so I only had to get my sister something. Even then, we had a spending limit and the thing she wanted was over the limit so that's all I got her. I did a photo theme this year, and I hope Snapfish follows through on their promise for delivery by the 24th. I am making a broccoli dish for Christmas Eve which is the DAY AFTER TOMORROW. Which means I need to go shopping and buy broccoli!

Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. My Grandfather's side of the family (the Swedes - there are about fifty of us - not including in-laws) rents a hall for Christmas Eve and it's just fabulous. It's the only time we all get to see each other, and we do a pinata (we are Swedes that like to pretend to be Hispanic, apparently) and we do the Swedish tradition of St.Lucia, we do the "silly swap" (everyone wraps a funny gift and it's kind of like a grab bag with rules to make it even more fun) and Santa even makes an appearance. It's just the best night of the year. It makes me remember being little, and being SO excited that Santa was coming and getting to sit on his lap and tell him what I wanted. Years later, I don't know how I never realized "Santa" was my cousin, I suppose it is the blonde in me. Afterward, we go to the midnight service at church which is beautiful because it's all candle light. When I was little, we'd always get in trouble for making too much noise...but honestly, how can you expect three kids to be quiet in church when Santa is coming in a few hours!?

Disney is in twelve days. Yes, twelve. Twelve days until I will be basking in 85 degree weather, surrounded by all the most magical things in the world. It's the only thing getting me through this disaster of a winter we are having so far.

I also bought Taylor Swift's new album Fearless on iTunes tonight. I officially need to stop spending money otherwise I wont be able to afford my Minnie Mouse ears in Disney, which is clearly a priority in my life ; )

it's looking like a white christmas

If I didn't lose my camera at John's, I'd be able to post the pictures of the blizzard that hit the northeast this weekend. It basically lasted 48 hours and left parts of the state with 15+ inches of snow.

I spent the weekend shoveling, cleaning off cars, and curled up in bed with John & Milo, and it was fabulous, minus the shoveling and cleaning off cars part.

I almost finished my Christmas shopping, I just have one more thing to get John and I'll be all set.

PS - This is Cooper's first real experience with a lot of snow, and he took to hopping like a rabbit instead of walking. I'm going to try to get a video of it because it's pretty entertaining to see ; )

always

I love when I have a horrible day, when everything goes wrong and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and not wake up for days, he always makes me feel better.

nothing we say is gonna save us from the fallout

My back has been bothering me for the last two weeks, and the last three days it has been kiling me. I dont know what the deal is, but it's painful to do anything but lay flat on my bed. It's just my lower back, straight across the bottom. I'm hoping it's just because I should be getting my period soon, and that it'll go away soon after. Because if it's something else, I definitely don't have the pain tolerance for this. I can't even pick up Lucy, who is like five pounds and the smallest kitty ever. Ugh.

I bought a life insurance policy today. I'm proud of myself for being adult-like and responsible, even though I'm the most responsible out of my siblings. It gives me a sense of security, that when I'm married and have a house and kids, I wont have to worry about leaving behind a mortgage for my husband to deal with or about how secure my children's futures will be. It was quite annoying though - I was sitting in the dining room with the insurance agent and my parents were there (they'd been revising their insurance policy in the first place) and when I was naming my beneficiaries, my mother got all worked up because I didn't do what she wanted. Turns out, I couldn't do what I wanted anyway due to legal rules, but still. I cannot stand how she always sticks her nose into other people's business. I know I'm her daughter and she wants to know what's going on in my life, but there are boundaries, which is something she clearly lacks an understanding of.

My back really hurts : ( I would give anything for a massage right now.