Ahhhhhhh!

Living at home can be so frustrating.

I'm honestly trying to stay out of most things, and ignore the stupid things that go on. Something snapped tonight though, and I couldn't deal with it anymore.

I hate being treated like I do nothing for myself. I work, I go to school, and I spend hours a week doing homework. I pay my bills, I have about $800 in bills each month at LEAST, and I'm paying them off of a measly check that I get for 25 hours of work at $12 an hour. That comes to $1200 a month BEFORE taxes, plus I also have to pay for gas and groceries, clothes, and anything else that comes up. I think I'm doing a good job, and I never ask my parents for money. Don't fucking tell me I don't pay for things on my own.

ARGSHGK. That's my mood right now.

physical exercise involving stretches and breathing that focus on strengthening the abdominal core

I did Pilates today.

I'm willing to bet my abs, butt, and thighs will be killing me tomorrow.

I used to do pilates. I used to be pretty good at it. But I haven't done it in at least two years. Every muscle was well aware of that today.

In a good way, of course.

i just wanna love you

It's Sunday night, my least favorite night of the week. BUT, it is the last Sunday night that I will be dreading work on Monday morning. I suppose this is a good thing. This weekend was pretty low key. J and I relaxed most of the weekend, rented Baby Mama (which I was too tired to stay awake for), went to see The Lucky Ones, slept a lot, and visited with my family. We were going to go to the Durham Fair but the rain held off those plans all weekend. On Saturday I went to see my favorite cousin try on her wedding dress. She looked stunning and I'm sure her wedding will be fabulous.

It's pretty hot in my house right now, which is really unfair considering it's almost October. Why does the weather have to tease us with super awesome fall days, and then go right back to being stinkin humid? Not fair.

I'm too hot to say anything substantial, so I'll just list the things I'm looking forward to:

-Cooler weather (SOON, I hope)
-Changing leaves, one of my favorite things about fall.
-Halloween! I will be more creative this year and dress up as something other than a princess.
-My 21st birthday, finally. And Thanksgiving, since it's the same day this year.
-Family birthday dinner next week for my mom, grandpa, and J.
-Christmas. Even though I wont be able to buy too much, I still love Christmas. I'm determined to make Christmas cookies this year.
-Disney World in 96 days.
-The rest of this semester, minus the work, because I love my classes.
-Getting my hair trimmed, but I'm not sure when.
-HOPEFULLY getting the scar on my arm taken care of over winter break.

And my goal for the week is to eat healthy all day for five days straight. And get ahead on some research this week, since I will have all of Tuesday afternoon to sequester away in the library. We shall see!

I love this picture:

T minus 97 days!

I just realized there are only like, 97 days until Disney World.

Time to make a countdown for the fridge, as is tradition.

life is too short

A really hard part of growing up is accepting that life is not a fairytale. As a child, I couldn't wait to grow up, go to college, get a great job, fall in love like the movies, have a Cinderella wedding, and have 2.6 children. The American Dream right?

Well, college is expensive, good jobs are hard to come by, real love isn't like in the movies, I'll never have the money for a Cinderella wedding, and kids are even more expensive than that.

The hard part is still wanting all of those things. I still want that living-at-college experience, I still want to impact lives and be a teacher. I still wish J and I could have a hollywood romance, and that he told me everyday that I'm his world. I still want a Cinderella wedding, minus the pumpkin of course. I still want 2.6 children, but we'll round to 3 for the last one's sake.

Commuting to school is what I can afford, and I'm still getting a good education. I will find a teaching job somewhere, someday. I love J, and I know he loves me. I'll get married someday, and someday I'll have children.

I shouldn't complain, right?

But I do. I still want my fairytale life, and I feel guilty for not appreciating what I do have. I have a good education that will get me a good job. I have a good man, an honest, hardworking, wonderful man who treats me so good - even when I get crabby and moody, and I love him. I have a good family that loves me and supports me always. I have good friends who are there when I need them.

I think the next thing on my to-do list is going to be to start appreciating what I have, and not taking anything for granted. Life is too short.

can i come home with you?

I quit my job today.

I start my new job on October 6th.

I'm really sad, and excited, and I don't know what else.

I'm going to miss my residents SO much. I will miss my kisses from C every morning and my Red Sox updates from F. And the hilarious things M says: "Where's your head? Oh no, I think I saw it in the microwave..." and "Hey, need a boyfriend? I got one for ya right here!" (while pointing to another resident) and "Well would ya look at THAT rear end!" I will miss G's "Where should I go...can I come home with you?" questions every day.

I will not miss the gossip that goes on there. Or the disorganized chaotic-ness. I will not miss trying to cram 40 hours worth of work into 24 hours. I will not miss dealing with families who want nothing to do with their parents and expect us to be their new "children."

I will definitely miss my old people.

happy birthday momma

J came over for dinner tonight. He wore jeans, which I love, because he looks wicked cute in them.

And I pretty much just love him a lot. A LOOOOTTTT.



How could I not love a face like his? He makes me so happy. Even when I'm moody and he can't tell, he means the world to me.

PS, happy birthday to my momma!