a little early for this, don't you think?

Lately I've been reading a lot of new blogs and - gasp! - even commenting on some of them. I find it a little strange that the majority of them are mommy-blogs. Women who are pregnant. Women who just had a baby. Stay at home moms who write about their children. And, being the recently married person that I am, I have been fielding a lot of baby related questions. When are you going to have kids? How many do you want? Do you think you'll wait a long time? Do you and John both want kids? And on, and on, and on. This has led me to think a lot about babies and being pregnant. Pregnancy fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time. Is that normal?

I do want them. Definitely one, probably two, maybe three if we add on to the upstairs. The problem I am having is WHEN do I want them? Part of my screams "right now!" Another part of me wants to wait 2-3 years so I can establish myself more within my company, so we can save up some more for our "#$&@ happens" fund, so we can enjoy being married for a little while, enjoy the HOUSE we just bought, and so we can figure out how the heck we will pay for childcare or pay for insurance if I decide to drop down to part-time. Seriously, how the heck to people pay for kids? Childcare can be upwards of $900 a month in this area! Childcare! That doesn't include the extra cost of food, clothing, toys, medical bills, and all the other miscellaneous things you don't think about. With fuel costs as high as they are, and the price of groceries constantly rising, I get so nervous about having babies and then never again feeling comfortable financially the way we do now.

Oh, and don't let me forget about the actual childbirth part of things. I read some birth stories that hardly mention the pain, and then there are other stories that focus so much on how much contractions hurt, the 'ring of fire', and other ghastly things that I cannot even think about most of the time. Am I strong enough to go through that? I pass out all the time from pain! Can I really withstand an epidural? What about pregnancy fatigue, how will I deal with that? I am the crankiest person EVER when I am tired. Morning sickness? I have major issues with throwing up.

Is it really weird that I can't stop thinking about this?

i say we put our best foot forward

I had something a little more heavy than this that I wanted to post today, but I am in a surprisingly chipper mood for a Monday, so this is what you get instead:



1. You wake up in the morning. What time is it probably?
My alarm goes off at 6:30, but 8 times out of 10 I snooze until 7:00. This week I have to get up on time with John because Marley is on antibiotics for pink eye (yes, my cat has pink eye) and it takes both of us to get the pills down his throat.


2. You get yourself some breakfast. What do you make?
Most of the time it's cereal with fruit. If I'm bored with that I'll make a bagel. Or, if I wake up really early, I'll take the time to scramble a couple eggs with toast. Oh, and always a cup of tea (of the caffeinated variety!)


3. Someone calls you on the phone. Who do you want it to be?
Hmm, I'm going to go with no one, because no one calls me that early. Unless it's work telling me to stay home during a snowstorm!



4. You turn on the TV for a bit. What channel do you put it on?
In the morning? Probably the news. But I hardly ever have time to do anything extra in the morning.

5. You have some time to kill before you leave. What do you do?
Geez, this is making me feel like the slowest person ever in the mornings! I am lucky if I get out of the door with any makeup on my face in the morning, let alone have time to kill!

6. You go and have a shower. How long does it take you?
If it's a morning shower it's quick - ten minutes tops. I usually try to take them at night though.

7. You decide to get yourself ready for your day. How long does it take?
Ten minutes? I don't do a lot during the week - mascara if I am lucky. Brush my teeth, put contacts in, that's about it on most days.

8. You put on some makeup. What do you put on?
Very little for work. Mascara, sometimes powder foundation and some blush.

9. You’re ready to leave. What do you take out with you?
My purse, sometimes a drink or a snack.

10. How long does it take you to get to work?
Depends, if I leave on time I take the scenic route by the river and it takes 10 minutes. If I leave late I go straight there and it takes 5.

11. What is the first thing you do when you get to work?
Turn my computer on, check my email, and get started on my to-do list.

12. Do you take part in office gossip/water cooler talk?
There are only 3 women in the office so we gossip about people around town, not each other.

13. Anything particularly annoying about each work day?
Some of the people that I work with - no one in my office though. Sometimes I am annoyed by the fact that every week is a repeat of the week before...same tasks, same emails, etc.

14. What’s the best part of the day?
Coming home from work. Especially if I see John's car in the driveway - I love it when he gets home before me!

15. Do you usually leave on time or stay late? Take any work home with you?
I hardly ever walk out the door exactly on time. Usually I'm there 10-15 minutes late, sometimes more. I don't really take work home because I don't get paid overtime.

16. The boss calls to tell you that don’t have to work, and you’re free for a whole day. What do you do?
Well, hopefully I got all of our household chores done over the weekend! I'd read a book, play with the cats, watch a girly movie, exercise, visit my sister.

17. With whom would you want to spend the day?
Myself! I hate being apart from John on the weekends (newlywed thing maybe?) so it'd be nice to have a day to myself during the week.

18. You go to the store to get some snackage, but it turns out you can only buy one thing there. What do you buy?
A Luna bar. I love them but never buy snacky stuff to keep in the house.

19. You’re walking down the street and you find a magic lamp that grants you 3 wishes. What do you wish for?
1.) Enough money to be a stay at home mom and still pay the bills. 2.) Health for my family. 3.) A longevity pill for my cats so they live as long as I do.

20. You meet a man who says he will give you your dream job, what is it?
I'd love to open a shelter for cats. I don't know the first thing about doing it, but I've always dreamed of being able to rescue the abandoned kitties of the world.

21. You can choose any concert of any singer/band in the world; whose do you go to?
Lifehouse. Front row. Duhh!

22. You get home & there’s a check for $50,000 in the mail for you. On what would you spend it?
Pay off my student loans and put the rest in the savings for our retirement.

23. You get to bring back anyone from the dead, famous or not. Who would it be?
I honestly do not know.

24. You get to interview your favorite celebrity. Who is it, and what would you ask him/her?
Hmmm. She is not my favorite but I think I would want to interview Rachel McAdams. I just think she is incredibly beautiful and talented. I have no idea what I'd ask her though.

25. You get to see into the future but you can only find out one thing about your future life. What would you want to find out?
Am I happy? Other than that, I think if I knew anything major, I'd spend my life waiting to get to it, and it wouldn't be nearly as fun as discovering things along the way.

26. At the end of your perfect day, you go on a perfect date; describe it.

the story of right now

- I have never in my life enjoyed looking at photos of myself as much as I enjoy looking at our wedding photos. The cosmetology team I hired was worth every single penny. I truly felt pretty on our wedding day.

- John let me buy an elliptical! It's being delivered on Saturday. I can't wait, especially after getting on the scale this morning and seeing a number I've never seen. (PS - my scale all of a sudden changed to metric. Way to confuse me at 7:00 in the morning!)

- We also bought a patio set. We spent too much money this weekend. I love how our yard is coming together, though.

- Is it normal to want to snuggle my cats instead of go to work? It's a dilemma I face every day.

- Sometimes I still wake up in the morning and think, 'how many days until the wedding?' Then I realize it happened TWO WEEKS AGO and nearly faint. How did that happen?!

- Summer is already going by too quickly. I blame it on working 40 hours a week. Seriously, it is not cool being stuck in an office during prime beach hours.

and dance forever

I've been MIA lately.

I got sick of wordpress because I am not computer savvy and couldn't figure out how to make my blog look pretty. If it's not pretty, why bother posting, right? So, I decided to move. Again.

It took me a few days to make my new blog (really, I'm just moving BACK to my original blog - but I obviously had to pretty it up first). Then I got side tracked with the Surprise Party of 2010. Then John's dad got very sick. And life just sort of got a little crazy, so the blog had to wait.

But now! The party is over and I am anxious to start blogging about the wedding so the blog HAD to be finished. The laundry that has been piling up for two weeks? That could wait. So I finished everything this morning. Voila! Welcome to my new blog.

once upon a time

 

I just love Taylor Swift.

Not only does she make amazing music that virtually any teenage girl (or older!) can relate to, she is also not your typical basket-case teenage celebrity. She doesn't drown herself in alcohol or throw herself all over every person with a Y chromosome. She doesn't pose naked on magazine covers for thousands of dollars or turn to drugs when things don't go her way. She is as normal as she can be considering her job. She is a good role model. She is also honest, raw, and down to earth. Another awesome quality: she is kind of nerdy, which I love.

I watched her youtube video of the CMA nominee announcements, where she found out she was nominated for five awards. In sweatpants. With her dog. Broadcasting her excitement for all the other nominees, not just herself. It is rare to find a nineteen year old with her charisma, modesty, and talent.

Her music is really good, too. She's got a great voice, real lyrics, and stories that real teenage girls can relate to. (If only she were around when I was in high school...)

So, I was pretty happy when she won Female Vocalist of the Year...and three other awards. I think she deserves it. She's had a HUGE year.

When she won Entertainer of the Year? I cried. This is a girl, just like any of us, who had a dream of making music. In the process of becoming a music superstar she has touched millions of lives with her real-life songs, and she's an amazing role model at the same time. She just looked truly surprised, honored, excited...everything. I think it's awesome that she giggles on stage and shows her excitement...look at what she just won! She deserves it.

 

Besides, it's about time Kenny Chesney stopped winning the award.

 

crash

If I fall and crash and burn
At least I know you’re by my side
As I crawl, the lessons learned
Remind me I'll survive
I've been hurt and I've been scarred
At least I know that I'm alive

giving in

Um, apparently I suck at posting lately.

My life has been crazy.  I have had so much work to do for school that I have barely had time to shave my legs more than once a week. No lie.  Not to mention John and I have started the crazy-stressful process of buying a condo...which obviously requires numerous hours spent browsing available units in central Connecticut. (What do you mean I have a history paper to write? There are condos to look at!) I have not straightened my hair in two weeks, I cannot get up without hitting the snooze button less than five times, and I require multiple cups of caffiene-infused tea to get through each day. My stress level has gone so high that I've had my period for close to two and a half weeks and I have broken out all along my chin...oh, and it's been taking me at least an hour to fall asleep. So, this is me asking whoever controls my destiny to please (pretty please!) cut me a break and add a few extra hours into each day until the semester ends. Okay? Thanks.

see what life's gonna hold down the road

This picture was taken on my first dat of Kindergarten. I referenced that dress, the lunchbox (1990's, much??) and the giant yellow bus tag on my collar in my application for graduate school. I still remember standing there by the front door while my mom took my picture...how is it possible that so many years could go by so quickly?

John and I decided that we are going to get an apartment at the end of the year. Originally, he'd wanted to buy a house, but with this horrid economy, we think it would be smarter to not take on a mortgage until things pick up a little bit. Plus, we could rent for a couple years and save more money for a down payment. So now, instead of concentrating on the midterm I have at 5pm today, I have been looking at apartments for rent online. We found one we really like in the same complex where his parents live now. It has one bedroom, a den, a living room, kitchen, pantry and bathroom. I think we need at least that much space because between the two of us, we have three cats. My mother tried telling me I couldn't take Lucy and Ricky with me, which I shot down very quickly. They are clearly my cats, they dont even like anyone else in this house. Anyway...now I am trying to think of everything we will need to buy, because if we can slowly start buying what we don't already have, then we wont be faced with all that right when we move in. Donations will be gladly accepted! So far I've come up with these things that we need to buy: coffee pot (John can't go without coffee), tea kettle (I can't go without tea), pots & pans, and a vaccuum cleaner. I am sure there is more.

Did I mention I have a midterm at 5 today? I should really be studying, especially since I am skipping my two early classes today JUST so I can study. I'm blaming it on senioritis.

got milk?

Since March of last year, I've been having a lot of issues with my stomach. I get nauseaus very easily, and have horrible heartburn, among other things. I've been seeing doctors and specialists since then, and have had multiple tests done to find out what is going on.

In the summer, I had an upper endoscopy done, which is when they stick a camera down your throat and into your stomach to see if there are any visible problems. I had some minor tearing, remnants of the days when my eating disorder was really bad. They said some of stomach pain could be from that. So I avoided acidic food and went about as normal. Not much improvement...

In the fall, ate eggs with magic ions in them and sat under a big x-ray machine for two and a half hours while they took pictures of how fast the food left my stomach. After eating, half of the food material should have left your stomach within 2 hours. None of mine did. So they diagnosed me with gastroparesis, which is when your stomach muscles don't work properly and food does not leave your stomach in a normal amount of time. They put me on medicine that makes my muscles contract to move the food material out. They said the gastroparesis was also from the anorexia/bulimia. Awesome...

A few months go by, and I'm still having some issues. And I find out that I am lactose intolerant. Which would be fine, except for the fact that I am also soy intolerant. Do you know how hard it is to find dairy products that are both lactose and soy free?? I spent 40 minutes at Whole Foods today looking for lactose-free and soy-free yogurt. Do you know how expensive it is when you find the ONE brand that is lactose-free and soy-free? A DOLLAR-NINTEEN for ONE 4oz carton of yougurt! That is absurd!

Now, they also think I have an overgrowth of bacteria in my small intestine and I have to go for another 2 and a half hour test during my spring break. I know the gastroparesis is my own doing, but I'm pretty sure you don't become lactose intolerant after having an eating disorder for five years. And I'm pretty sure an eating disorder does not cause bacteria growth in your small intestine. So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank whichever one of my ancestors that gave me a horrible digestive system. Because now, I get to spend a fortune on special yogurt and milk, not to mention the plethora of foods I cannot eat anymore because they contain milk or soy.

just might make me believe

Recently, a lot of my extended family in Sweden has connected to those of us in the US via facebook. The Internet is a genius way to connect people, and right now I'm thanking the stars for inventing it. 20 years ago, getting to know my family would have been a lot harder to do than it is today. I can email back and forth with my cousins in a matter of minutes, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think it's pretty cool to have such a large extended family that has strong roots, and I hope that is a value I can pass onto my children someday. It's comforting to know where you come from, and to know that there are people across the globe that care about you.

I am currently trying to make sense of the Communist Manifesto for a paper I have to write. I basically know what it is all about, but I could not write an intelligent paper about it. I keep finding things to distract me because this is not an aspect of history that is interesting to me what-so-ever. Give me World War II or colonial America anyday.

I am almost done with my application for UNH. I have to write one more essay, which is half done, and then just wait for all of my transcripts/test scores to reach the admissions office. Waiting sucks. I just want to know. This whole becoming-a-real-adult thing is scary, especially with the economy and job market the way it is. Do I really want to take out a $24,000 loan for graduate school? Could I really get a job without a master's degree?

I've been lifting at the gym for about a month now, and I swear my energy has just about doubled, and surprisingly my endurance has too. I can feel my clothes getting looser, which is fabulous.

time flies when you're having fun

I have no time anymore! I wake up, go to work, come home, go to the gym, come home, do homework, go to bed, get up, go to the gym, go to school, come home, go to bed, get up...and on and on and on.

One good thing about having negative amounts of time is that the weeks fly by and before I know it, the weekend is back.

One bad thing about having negative amounts of time is that I haven't updated this more than once a week since school started again. Nor have I kept in touch with any of my friends.

The whole applying-to-grad-school thing takes up a lot of time, too. Hopefully once all my paperwork is sent in, I will have a little more time to do things that are not related to work or school.

now that i've found you

• Admiring: My non-bitten nails! It's been a month and a week and so far, I've kept my new year's resolution. Go me : )


• Beating myself up about: I can't think of anything, which is shocking.


• Crying Over: I haven't cried in weeks. I don't even remember the last time I cried.


• Daydreaming About: Since John is planning on buying a house in the next year, I haven't stopped thinking about decorating it for him. Or being able to cook him food without worrying about anyone else needing the kitchen. Among other things : )


• Excited Because: Nickelback is in a month and two days!


• Frustrated because: Going to the gym doesn't visually pay off for weeks.


• Grumpy because: I have a huge blister on my heel that is really painful.


• Hate-filled and seething over: Immaturity...let's get over ourselves, already.


• Indignant because: I am too lazy to look up the meaning of this word even though I have a pretty good idea of what it means.


• Just shoot me now because: it is going to be freezing on campus tomorrow.


• Kidding myself regarding: Ummm...


• Listening to: My iTunes is on shuffle...currently playing Slide Acousic by the Goo Goo Dolls.


• Mooning over: I'm pretty sure nothing.


• Need: I need summer!


• Obsessing over: Nothing, really.


• Praying: For warmth and sunshine.


• Questioning: Why I stay up late, knowing I'm going to hate myself at 6:00am.


• Reading: This Way To The Gas, Ladies and Gentlemen...


• Singing: Nothing : (


• Trying: To go to bed earlier...and not succeeding.


• Unnerved by: The nerve people have.


• Valentiney Update: It is on a Saturday this year which makes me very excited.


• Wondering: Why God invented winter.


• X-Rated Action: X-Rated is not for my blog!


• Yawning over: Being tired?


• Zoinks: Doesn't Scooby Doo say that?

Clearly I am still lacking anything intelligent to post. I think I need inspiration.

hi andy!

So, I got a web cam. I don't know what I'll do with it, other than send my brother videos while he is away at school.

For example, tonight my sister and I decided to record one with Cooper to post on  his Facebook wall. Only problem? We can't figure out how to post it to his wall.



At least I can figure out how to post it here, right?

Please take note of my sister's reaction to beer.

oh dear...

This semester I have:

Three 14 page research papers.
One 5 page paper.
Three 4 page papers.
One group presentation.
Two independent presentation.
One of my classes has a quiz during every class session. One of my classes requires us to post 3 paragraph responses to reading before each class session.

Not to mention about 100-200 pages of reading due each Tuesday and Thursday (the days I have class).

Also, not to mention I work about 9 hours Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. And I do not get home from school until 9ish on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
WHAT HAVE I GOTTEN MYSELF INTO?!

another semester begins

someone please explain why 3 year old ryan looks huge next to 6 year old gabriel?

Let me just start out by saying that I detest the fact that I have to go back to school tomorrow. It is comforting though, that this is my second-to-last semester.

This weekend went by too quickly, as they all do. Friday night we went to the newly renovated Pizza King which was surprisingly ten times better than it used to be. We got a buffalo chicken pizza that was so yummy, mostly because it wasn't too hot. Saturday we went to the gym in the morning, watched Titanic, and hung out wtih the boys all afternoon. We took them to the new laser tag place on the Berlin turnpike - don't go there, if you know what is good for you. $40 for the four of us for about ten minutes. Ten! That's all! I mean, I could care less because I hate laser tag but it clearly was not enough time for the boys but there was no way we were slapping down another $40 for a measly ten minutes. So, we did the boring thing and went back to their house so Uncle Johnny could play video games with them while I talked with Jennifer. Sunday we slept in, mostly because I had the most unimaginable cramps ever and I didn't want to move. After a ton of advil kicked in, we went to the mall to get my aunt a birthday gift and I finally got a new pair of running shoes for the gym. We also went grocery shopping and got lots of healthy food because we are both trying to not let our hours at the gym be in vain. That night we had a birthday dinner here for my aunt, ate yummy food and watched a video from my aunt and uncles wedding 14 years ago. All I have to say about that is hank goodness puffy bangs are not in style anymore.

This weekend could have been a disasterous one. Saturday was a significant date, one that I've dreaded for the last several months. Luckily, I have a wonderful boyfriend who kept me busy and my mind off of things. I am sure I will write about it later, but I almost want to let some time pass so it's not in my face as much.

Have I mentioned that I detest that I have to go to school tomorrow?

sweet thing

It has been very busy at work this week, but I love it. The days fly by so fast - I cannot believe tomorrow is Friday already.

I'm babysitting tonight, which I am excited for because I haven't seen the kids in months. Well, I've seen them because they live next door, but I haven't sat for them in a loooong time. I am also broke, so this is double good.

It is supposed to be a whopping 40 degrees tomorrow - it will feel like spring after this nonsense negative degree weather we've been having.

Speaking of the cold, I have to go outside in a few to walk to the neighbors. Clearly I am not driving ten feet to get there, even though it is FREEZING outside.

my oh my

• I have a cold. I keep whining about it. But seriously...I never get sick, so I'm allowed to whine when I do.


• I miss Milo. I also miss when he was a baby and let me cuddle with him all the time.


• I also miss when Cooper was a puppy. It's a good thing he's still insanely cute.


• I want to dye my hair dark but I don't want to pay to keep it dark.


• Did I mention I can't breathe?


• I want this. I got this while I was in Disney...I've wanted it for five years.


• I miss the sun and the heat and the fabulousness of Florida weather.


• I hope this writer's block is gone when I wake up in the morning.

it's lovely weather for a sleigh ride together with you ; )

I am most definitely in the Christmas spirit. I am most definitely not in the study-for-finals spirit.

Saturday night my family had our big annual dinner party at the Griswold Inn in Essex. It was a big deal this year because I was deemed old enough to go, and my grandfather was really looking forward to John and I going. It was a lot of fun and hopefully everyone had as good a time as John and I had. I ordered steak for the second time in my life and was thoroughly disappointed with the cosmopolitan I ordered, it was most definitely not work almost $9.00. The steak was good, but I'm still not a huge fan of red meat. The rolls, though? Oh man, I could have eaten them all night, being the carb-oholic that I am. I think bread is the only thing that hasn't been making me want to throw up lately.

Speaking of that, I need to get back into see that specialist. I have been nauseous ALL week, and I think the stress of finals is just making my stomach issue even worse. My stomach is paralyzed and when I eat, the food isn't pushed through like it should be, leaving me feeling sick. It's a side-effect of having an eating disorder for four/five years, and it will likely never go away. It's annoying, but if it's the worst side effect I get, then I'll take it. I am supposed to take these pills before each meal, but my problem is that I don't eat three main meals a day, I tend to snack on little stuff. So I need to go back and find out what else I can do, because it's not fun feeling like I'm going to throw up constantly.

I think I'm calling out of work in the morning, because I am exhausted and feel like I'm coming down with something. My body aches and I can feel a migraine coming on, so I'm figuring it will be better to stay home tomorrow and not feel worse on Tuesday for finals. Speaking of, I still have to finish my paper and study for ALL FIVE finals. My problem is that I can't concentrate with all the Christmas-ness going on around me; I would much rather bake cookies or decorate or sing along to massive amounts of Christmas music.

Also, I have a new love. She doesn't have a name yet, but she is still extremely fluffy and adorable and I just want to eat her up.

John & I at the Christmas dinner. We clean up pretty well =)

Erin and the unnamed puppy. HOW CUTE IS SHE?!

Oh, and I almost forgot! My "skinny" jeans are loose on me...as in, I need a belt to keep them from falling down.  I dont know if it's from me being back at the gym (probably) or God just decided to hand me this one little favor, but it has boosted my confidence significantly. Just in time for Florida, seeing as we leave in TWENTY days. I guess I can pack my bikini after all ; )

the broken clock is a comfort

If you haven't seen the music video for Black Balloon, I suggest you go youtube it, because Johnny Rzenik is absolutely mouth-watering in it. And it's one of the best songs of all time. In fact, I have been working on a top 20 list for the last year, of my favorite songs (mostly when I am procrastinating and do not want to do any school work - it's a fabulous distraction, you should try it sometime) and Black Balloon is on my list. Because it is finals, and I am procrastinating like never before, I finished my list today. It is a supercalafragalisticexpialadocious list, if I do say so myself.

1. Broken - Lifehouse. Clearly, they are my favorite band. Clearly, it wouldn't be fair for me to put all of their songs on my top 20 list, but I can't help but to put four and a half (one is a cover) of theirs up because they are so good. Sometimes I am convinced that Jason Wade writes these songs specifically for me, that's how close to home they feel. Watch the video and just look at his face! He is so passionate about his music. The lyrics, when you first hear them or read them, seem depressing, but I think they are inspiring - just hold on, and everything will work out in the end. Everyone has felt like their world is falling apart and for me, this song really hit home this past May. I held onto it like a lifeline, and it got a little bit easier everyday to deal with what was going on. I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing with a broken heart that's still beating; in the pain there is healing, in your name I find meaning, so I'm holding on, I'm still holding, I'm barely holding onto you. I felt like my life was spinning out of control at 90 miles per hour, and this song gave me stability, it gave me something to hold onto when nothing else was going the way I wanted it to. After everything that happened, I'm still here, I'm still breathing, and even though there are days when it stops me in my tracks and I feel like I can't go forward, I find a way to.


2. Everything - Lifehouse. Click the link, if you know what's good for you. It's my faaaavorite live performance of the song; it gives me chills every time, no fail. It's an old performance, in Amsterdam, but my god it is the most genius six and a half minutes you will ever lay eyes (and ears) on. If you are impatient, you can fast forward to 4 minutes and 21 seconds, when it gets REALLY good. This is another amazing version, it's from their DVD. This is the most amazing song ever written, hands down, in the history of ever and ever. It is even better when you see it performed live. It's such a raw song, it holds nothing back.


3. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls. I have never met someone who dislikes this song. It was overplayed on the radio, but if you really listen to the lyrics, you will see that it is also a genius song. "You can't fight the tears that ain't coming or the moment of truth in your lies; when everything feels like the movies you bleed just to know you're alive"...it hardly gets more genius than that. Hardly.


4. World Spins Madly On - The Weepies. Clearly, I love this song enough to name my blog after it. My favorite part? "The whole world is moving and I am standing still." It must have been written for me, because I swear I feel like that every day of my life.


5. Let it Be - The Beatles. Classic, timeless, and again, genius. When I'm having a bad day, this always cheers me up.


6. Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright. Just listen to this, you'll know why it's so great.


7. Beast of Burden - Rolling Stones or Lifehouse. I love the original, but I obviously love Lifehouse's cover. The video I linked is seriously amazing, I freaking love that man. It's obvious when he sings that he gets really into it, which makes the music that much better.


8. Fast Car - Tracy Chapman. This song makes me sad. I think most people can relate to it at some point or another; you try so hard at something and no matter what you do it just doesn't work out. It's such a raw and honest song, anyone who has ever felt like they don't belong can relate to it somewhat.


9. Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls. Johnny Rzenik wrote this song for a friend of his who was a heroin addict, but it's pretty universal, I think. It's about overcoming, beating, and moving past something that got the best of you. I love the last line, "I'll become what you became to me." GENIUS!


10. Anna Begins - Counting Crows. I LOVE this acoustic version. It's such an emotional song and I give a TON of credit to people who can sing this and sing it well. "She can't stop shaking and I can't stop touching her and this time when kindness falls like rain it washes her away and Anna begins to change her mind, and these seconds where I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days, she says, I'm not ready for this sort of thing." I can't even begin to attempt to explain this song; its just one of those songs you have to get all on your own.


11. Crush - DMB. Its the ultimate love song, like, if a guy sang that to me I'd be sold. Who wouldn't want to hear all that?


12. Simon - Lifehouse. I know, I know. I can't help it, they are just that good. If you are ever questioning yourself, or your purpose, or why things happen to you, listen to this song. When you feel alone, betrayed, or broken, this song lets you know you're not alone. You're not the only one. Jason wrote this when he was 17 (I think - either 15 or 17) about a friend who was bullied - listen to these lyrics and let me know if you know anyone that young that could write something so profound. "Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall. You canan't be weak, can't stand still, watch your back cause no one will. You don't know why they had to go this far; traded your worth for the scars, for your only company. Don't believe the lies that they have told to you, not one word was true, you're alright." This is my favorite version; again it is from Amsterdam a while ago. But amazing.


13. Name - Goo Goo Dolls. This is a classic Goo's song, if not the most classic. I especially like the 'scars are souvenirs you never lose' part, because I have one of those. Ok, so that wasn't entirely serious, obviously he means emotional scars, but everyone has those. So it works. I love the guitar in this, it's so catchy and so perfect.


14. Georgia - Hanson. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the piano in this; it makes me want to learn piano even more than I did before I found this song. I like the actual music in this song more than the lyrics; I think Hanson is more talented with creating a melody than they are with writing lyrics. I know a lot of people don't like them, but you cannot deny that they are incredible musicians, and that is why I love them so much.


15. Come on Get Higher - Matt Nathanson. SUCH a good song. My sister thinks it's dirty, but it's not. You have to really listen to it to understand that its not dirty. It's about loving someone, real love, and it reminds me of the beginning of a relationship when everything is new and exciting. It's even better live =)


16. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel. I have loved this song for a long time. It's a classic, and it's brilliantly written.


17. Brick - Ben Folds. "Can't you see it's not me you're dying for"...really? Profound much? Honestly. I love this song.


18. Storm - Lifehouse. Yes, another. This is an OLD song, from before there was Lifehouse. It's from back when they were Blyss, but they redid this song for the most recent record. I've loved this song since the first time I heard it many years ago, and it never gets old. I love when an artist can sing with so few instruments, I think that shows the true caliber of his talent. "And I will get lost into your eyes, I know everything will be alright." Again, hit pretty close to home earlier this year. It always hits close to home because again, I'm convinced he writes his song specifically for me.


19. Far Away - Nickelback. I dont really have an emotional attachment to this song, I just really like it a lot. It's not a typical Nickelback song, but I think there is something really awesome when a band like Nickelback can sing a ballad. It kind of just makes me melt a little bit.


20. One - U2. This doesn't really need explaining. Everyone knows it is a brilliant song

So, there we have it. I'm sure the list will change, because I'm always discovering amazing music, but I think most of these songs have remained my favorites for several years. I couldn't live without music, I live for live shows, and I have SO MANY bands that I love, so many songs that I can't live without, and I absolutely love acoustic versions of songs. I couldn't even fit any Nirvana or Pearl Jam or Seether or Foo Fighters or Everly or Emerson Hart on my list. There is just way too much good music in this world =)

near the end

I only have two days of class left (yes, TWO) before finals start. This makes me very happy for a few reasons:

1. It means I will have a month long break from school. This makes me VERY happy.
2. It means it's almost Christmas, and I love Christmas.
3. It means it's also almost time to leave for Disney, which possibly makes me happiest of all.

I also dislike this time of year very much, because I have no time for ANYthing. This is what I have to get done by next Thursday: a 12 page paper on Swedish immigration and my grandpa, 8 page paper reflecting on three books assigned in one of my sociology classes (I've only read one of them so far), study for a math final (I have two of them for one class), a Gender final, a Race, Class & Gender final, a Death & Dying final, and an Immigration final. I haven't even STARTED my Christmas shopping, nor have I cleaned my car or room in weeks.

I'm pretty sure I wont be posting for at least a few days. =( Unless someone wants to do all this work for me!