When it rains...

...it certainly pours. Family drama is exhausting, especially when it is not your own. I hope this storm passes soon.

There was a fire at our sister complex today. 20 units burned. It really makes me want to move when our lease is up - preferably to a landlord apartment rather than a complex apartment. I love our apartment here but I hate relying on other people to not be stupid and cause fires. This is the third one for our complex in the last few years. We'll see where things are at the end of the summer...because the family drama also makes me want to move far, far away. I am really terrified of fires though. I was so scared that there would be one while we were in Florida last month that I cried when I had to leave my kitties. I don't care about material posessions but the thought of a fire happening when I'm not home to save my babies is enough to send me into a major anxiety attack that comes complete with tears and heavy breathing. That just makes me a devoted and loving cat-mom, right? My brother thinks it makes me crazy.

The weekend is almost here and I am so glad...it is incredibly slow at work right now and the day just draaaaags. I will probably have to take some time off next week because John's grandma died and the wake is Monday and the funeral is Tuesday. I feel incredibly guilty for being excited about getting an afternoon off considering the circumstances but like I said...family drama. There haven't been any tears shed in our house over this. John has (or had, I guess) no emotional attachments to his grandmother and is not broken up over this in the least. But apparently having that sort of reaction when your grandmother dies brings lots of "how could you not feel sad?!" types of questions.

You know what I say? Better to be honest and feel what you really feel than to fake feeling sad to please someone else. Honesty is the best policy, right?

just might make me believe

Recently, a lot of my extended family in Sweden has connected to those of us in the US via facebook. The Internet is a genius way to connect people, and right now I'm thanking the stars for inventing it. 20 years ago, getting to know my family would have been a lot harder to do than it is today. I can email back and forth with my cousins in a matter of minutes, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think it's pretty cool to have such a large extended family that has strong roots, and I hope that is a value I can pass onto my children someday. It's comforting to know where you come from, and to know that there are people across the globe that care about you.

I am currently trying to make sense of the Communist Manifesto for a paper I have to write. I basically know what it is all about, but I could not write an intelligent paper about it. I keep finding things to distract me because this is not an aspect of history that is interesting to me what-so-ever. Give me World War II or colonial America anyday.

I am almost done with my application for UNH. I have to write one more essay, which is half done, and then just wait for all of my transcripts/test scores to reach the admissions office. Waiting sucks. I just want to know. This whole becoming-a-real-adult thing is scary, especially with the economy and job market the way it is. Do I really want to take out a $24,000 loan for graduate school? Could I really get a job without a master's degree?

I've been lifting at the gym for about a month now, and I swear my energy has just about doubled, and surprisingly my endurance has too. I can feel my clothes getting looser, which is fabulous.