a little early for this, don't you think?

Lately I've been reading a lot of new blogs and - gasp! - even commenting on some of them. I find it a little strange that the majority of them are mommy-blogs. Women who are pregnant. Women who just had a baby. Stay at home moms who write about their children. And, being the recently married person that I am, I have been fielding a lot of baby related questions. When are you going to have kids? How many do you want? Do you think you'll wait a long time? Do you and John both want kids? And on, and on, and on. This has led me to think a lot about babies and being pregnant. Pregnancy fascinates me and terrifies me at the same time. Is that normal?

I do want them. Definitely one, probably two, maybe three if we add on to the upstairs. The problem I am having is WHEN do I want them? Part of my screams "right now!" Another part of me wants to wait 2-3 years so I can establish myself more within my company, so we can save up some more for our "#$&@ happens" fund, so we can enjoy being married for a little while, enjoy the HOUSE we just bought, and so we can figure out how the heck we will pay for childcare or pay for insurance if I decide to drop down to part-time. Seriously, how the heck to people pay for kids? Childcare can be upwards of $900 a month in this area! Childcare! That doesn't include the extra cost of food, clothing, toys, medical bills, and all the other miscellaneous things you don't think about. With fuel costs as high as they are, and the price of groceries constantly rising, I get so nervous about having babies and then never again feeling comfortable financially the way we do now.

Oh, and don't let me forget about the actual childbirth part of things. I read some birth stories that hardly mention the pain, and then there are other stories that focus so much on how much contractions hurt, the 'ring of fire', and other ghastly things that I cannot even think about most of the time. Am I strong enough to go through that? I pass out all the time from pain! Can I really withstand an epidural? What about pregnancy fatigue, how will I deal with that? I am the crankiest person EVER when I am tired. Morning sickness? I have major issues with throwing up.

Is it really weird that I can't stop thinking about this?