when i feel you i forget to breathe

I decided tonight that I'm going to write down all the little things John does that make me fall for him all over again.

Someday, I'd love to be able to tell my children about the man who stole my heart over and over again - the little things he did that meant so much to me.

For example...it's October. My favorite month. Why is it my favorite month? The leaves are pretty, the air is crisp, everything smells good, I get to wear sweaters, and it's Halloween. You knew that was coming, right? Of course you did. I love Halloween, mostly because I love to dress up. For one night, my inner five year old is allowed to come out, and no one will make fun of me. So, since October 1st, I've been bugging John to do all sorts of October-y things with me - hike under the leaves, carve pumpkins...and dress up with me on Halloween. I don't even really ask him to dress up, I just ask him what we're dressing up as - as if he has no choice. He always replies that he's not dressing up. I pout, and ten minutes later we go through it all over a gain. Quite frustrating when you love Halloween, no? Anyway, I wasn't expecting him to dress up with me - he didn't last year and it was fine. I just like busting him about it ; )

Today, when he came home from work, he says to me, guess what! My guess? What!! (Original, I know). I got a Halloween costume, he said. YOU DID!? Yes - I really was that excited. He stopped during his route and got a Joker mask - so I am going to be Cat Woman (because we have to match, of course). Tomorrow night we are off in search of cat ears.

Tonight, before he went to bed, I thanked him for getting a costume and told him that it made my day. His reply? I knew it would.

THAT is why I want to write all of these moments down.

i love you and that's all i really know

I lost five pounds last week, the right way. Yay for me, for once.

It's really cold in this house, my fingers are frozen. Not really, but they are the kind of cold where I have to sit on them to warm them up. Same with my feet, but its harder to sit on those. ;)

I need to get motivated. For what, I don't know. I just know I need to get my butt in gear and feel productive. Which is odd, considering I've been more productive with school this semester than I have in the last two years. I want to start working out again but I don't know where I'd possible squeeze that in. I want to clean out my dresser and closet but that requires lots of hours of my time that I'm not willing to give up on the weekend. Speaking of, I already miss John and want the weekend to be here now...JUST so we can have another pillow fight. =)

It's quarter to 12 and I am not in bed yet. I'm so going to be mad at myself in the morning. I'm too busy downloading music, obviously far more important than sleep. We'll see what I think about that at 6:30 when the alarm goes off.

weekend recap

John carving our pumpkin, who I have yet to name.

Us with our pumpkin. It only took about half an hour to carve him. Yes, it's a him.

Christy and I at the party. We never get to see each other anymore.

Milo, standing guard. No one is allowed to enter his house.

Our pumpkin, lit up. Boo!

We lost cable, phone, and TV last Saturday from a bad storm. A tree limb fell into the wires outside, and ended up just chillin in the wires for a day. Luckily, that wire prevented the limb from falling into my dad's windshield. Everything happens for a reason! The tree people came and cut the limb out so that we could at least leave the driveway, and the cable company came today to restore our phone/TV/internet.

Tonight I asked John a question. It went something like this:

Me: What do you want for Christmas?
John: I have you, I don't need anything else.
Me: -melt-

=)

lucy

Things to be happy about:

1. Tomorrow is Friday - thank goodness for weekends, they keep me sane.
2. My grandparent's inherited a good chunk of money from a relative, and should be able to go to Sweden like they've always wanted to.
3. I cleaned the cats box and scrubbed their food bowls and vacuumed out their food area, which I've been meaning to do all week.
4. I officially have only six and a half weeks of classes left.
5. Lucy has a new routine of sleeping on my belly while I read before bed and it makes me love her even more for being so cute.
6. I get to see Milo tomorrow!
7. I ate PERFECT all week.
8. My car is still clean, after nearly five months of owning her. Impressive, considering I used to let cars get so cluttered that you couldn't tell them apart from a trash can if you tried.
9. Did I mention it's almost the weekend?

i'll hold my breath

My family got some sad news that our neighbor of 18 years passed away unexpectedly in a car accident Monday afternoon. Life is just not fair...I don't understand why these things don't happen to the bad people in the world. Why don't the murderers, child molesters, rapists, and arsonists ever get in car accidents and die? Why is it always the good people?

These kinds of things make me feel so guilty. I truly feel so bad for the family; I wish I could do something to ease their pain. Yet at the same time, I feel so lucky to have what I have...and I feel guilty for feeling so happy amidst this sadness. It feels wrong to feel joy and love and all these good things that I have, but I can't help it - I just feel it. This situation terrifies the absolute shit out of me - that someone just like me could have something like this happen to them and that the good things I do have could be torn away at a moment's notice.  I don't know, these things just suck. I never know what to make of them, or what to say, or what to do. I guess there isn't much you can do for people who are in this situation, because nothing will bring him back. Can you imagine that? What it feels like? I'm doing research on this topic for a class, and none of it makes me understand this any better than I do now. The textbooks say that you can't understand death until you've experienced it yourself, and I suppose that has a lot of truth to it. And if that's the case, I never want to understand death.

And while we're on the topic of death, I took my Death and Dying midterm tonight and I think I did pretty well. We'll see next week. I'm doing really well this semester, I have nothing below a 95. Shocking, considering my lack of effort concerning school for the last year and a half. I hope I can keep it up through December, I'd love to get my GPA back above 3.65.

I have pictures of my new haircut. I guess it doesn't look that different, it's cut a bit different but unless you really studied my hair before you wouldn't notice the difference. I can't believe the election is so soon. I still don't like any of the candidates very much. Especially Palin. Amanda has an glorious captioned picture of her in an astronaut suit with "I can see the moon from my house!" bubbled in. AMAZING.

I am still looking forward to Saturday, despite having to go to the funeral. We are taking Milo for his shots at 11:30, and later in the afternoon we have the pumpkin carving party. Have I mentioned that I LOVE AUTUMN??

New Haircut:

(I HATE my cheeks. Why couldn't I have been born with skinny cheeks?!)

i'm a girl with the best intentions

If you can, you should download a song by Grace Potter & Bethany Joy Galeotti - "I Want Something That I Want." I got mine on iTunes for $0.99 and it's a glorious two minutes and three seconds.

Today I got my Immigration midterm back. I don't remember if I wrote about this, but I took this midterm last Tuesday. It was six short answers and two essays, and it had to be done in one hour and fifteen minutes. No problem, right? No. I took the entire 75 minutes and I had to write the last essay in the last five minutes of the exam - it should have been a five paragraph, cohesive essay proving a point. I pieced together what I could in five minutes, hoping I fit all the main ideas into the argument in a way that made sense to someone besides just me. I was sure I'd lose a lot of points on that essay - it wasn't that logical, or legible, or lengthy. I even told John how upset I was when I got home that night - that I studied so hard for it and KNEW the answer, but simply ran out of time. When she handed them back today, I opened mine up and much to my surprise, I got a 100. It made my entire headache filled day worthwhile.

John and I are going to a pumpkin carving party on Saturday, which I am ridiculously excited for. I love this time of year, and carving pumpkins, and apple cider, and being in good company. Totally looking forward to this.

Oh, and this is what I woke up to on Sunday morning. Be Jealous.

Yes, he cooked me pancakes. They were oh so yummy. He's the best. =)

productive-ness

Today was productive. I love productive days. I wrote my entire Literature Review for Immigration that's due tomorrow, did a bunch of old math homework, cleaned the kitchen, and managed to fit in One Tree Hill.

Tomorrow night I have to be productive and study for my Death and Dying exam on Wednesday, and continue to be productive until I get that paper finished. Shouldn't be too hard, I just need to actually do some legit research on it. I already did my interview, I just have to piece it together with academic proof.

Then I have to be productive and study for my Gender exam and Math exam, both of which are on October 30th.

Then I have to be productive and do my immigration paper, which will be fun because the assignment is to tell my family's immigration story. Totally easy, since my family is oh-so-awesome and keeping all that stuff around. Speaking of, last week I was going through some of my great-grandfather's things with my mom, and she gave me an entire box of love letters that he sent to my great-grandmother, and the ones that she sent to him. How cool is that? My uncles have some of his bank books, and one of them has the original saw that he brought over with him from Sweden. (Kinda crazy that if anyone tried to bring a power tool across the ocean today, they'd be a terrorist). I already know most of my history, so it will be easy to write. Even if it has to be at least 12 pages.

Then I have to write an 8 page reflective analysis of what I learned over 16 weeks in my Race, Class, Gender course. That's not till December, but since I'm making a list of what I have to do before the semester is over, I figured I'd include it.

On a brighter note, I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. Not dyed, yet.  I'm still debating that one. ;)