pudge

This semester killed me. The work load was much more than I previously had, and the work was more involved. I worked all day, or went to class all day, and went home to do homework until I went to bed. Every. Single. Day. I did try to keep up with the gym but that fizzled out about six weeks into the semester. I just couldn't find the time, or the energy.

I have not weighed myself, but I feel like the lack of running and lack of watching what I ate took a toll on my body. My clothes are a smidge too tight and I am tired. This is a sign - a sign that the gym is calling for me. Last week, I caved and bought the 30 Day Shred on Amazon....and even got two other Jillian Michael's DVDs all for the super awesome price of $27! The Shred is obviously 30 days, broken down into three stretches of 10 days each. I'm figuring I'll do it Monday thru Friday and take weekends off, so it will be more like the 45 Day Shred for me. I know a lot of people who have tried it, and quite a few lost several inches doing this, so hopefully it will bring me the same results. I figure if I watch what I eat, get in at least 45 minutes of cardio, and do this video and maybe some pilates mixed in, I should be able to get to where I normally am in a month or so.

John and I have found several adorable houses in our price range...and now I am dead set on getting a house instead of a condo! I keep telling myself I only have a few more months to go until we can make and offer, but that's really going to be right around the corner! We better start making appointments to see all these homes, September will be here before we know it.

i want something that i want

Everyone around me is graduating! It is somewhat frustrating, because I have three months off and then have to go back for another three and a half months to get my degree. Lately I've been wondering a lot about what my life would be like had I stayed at Providence in January of 2006. Would I be healthy? Would I have more friends? Would I be completely broke? Would I be on a different career path? Would I be with someone else? Would I be this happy? Would I be buying a house this year?

A lot of things have happened in the last three and a half years that have molded me into who I am today.

Spending two months in the hospital and another year or so working to get myself healthy really changed me and made me into a better person. I had to work really hard to get to where I am now, and I'm really proud of the person I've become. I still struggle and am constantly reminded of how easy it would be to fall back into that life - thinking of nothing but calories eaten and calories burned, scrutinizing every inch of my body, and working out until I literally collapse out of exhaustion. It would be so easy, but I am reminded everyday of the things that keep me going.

I went through a couple bad relationships that taught me about who I am and what I want in a relationship, and led me to the most amazing man. I can't imagine a stronger, braver, kinder person to share the rest of my life with and I am so completely in love with him. John brings out the best in me, he accepts my flaws and he loves me unconditionally. He and I are buying a house this fall, and I am so excited to think of all the amazing memories we will make in the future to join the beautiful ones we've already made.

I am scarred, literally, and came to terms with how quickly life can be taken away. At first I hated my scar, but now I kind of like to think it shows how strong I am. That and it also reminds me to always wear my seatbelt. It was another obstacle, another uphill climb, but I came out on top and it led me to the love of my life. If my arm didn't look like a map of the Rocky Mountains, John probably would never have noticed me at the gym, and who knows where we'd both be today.

Last May was probably the hardest month of my life. Sometimes things are thrown at us unexpectedly and out of the blue we are forced to grow up and make an adult decision. Facing that, something I wasn't planning on facing for several years, and having to make a decision that would affect the rest of our lives was not an easy thing to do, and it got even harder when our control over the situation was taken away. Some might say that was a blessing in disguise, but I'm not so sure. We came out of it together, and stronger than ever. I like to think that John and I are a better couple because of it.

In coming home from PC, I definitely altered the way my life went. I've literally worked my way through college, but it's enabled me to buy a brand new car on my own and by the end of this year I will be a homeowner. None of that would have happened had I stayed at PC. I lost my friends, which has been a struggle for the last three years. My college friends were left behind, my high school friends were in different states, and I made no long lasting friendships at CCSU because I commuted. It has been strange, the last few weeks, with my high school friends graduating and coming back to Connecticut.

I dont think these 'what-ifs' will do me any good, but still, it is hard to picture how my life would have turned out if I stayed at PC. I'm sure I would have amazing, strong friendships, and a great education. But I would be massively in debt, and just starting out. I already have a great job that will be here for me until I get a teaching job. I am going to the best school in the state for my Master's degree. I have the love of my life, who I am sure I would not have met if I'd stayed at PC. I will always miss the idea of a real college experience and I will always wonder what my life would have been like. But I am so happy with the life I've made so far, and I'm proud of what I've done. It hasn't been that easy, but I do think it has been entirely worth it.

lightyears

Reason #435094 why I have the cutest boyfriend ever:

Me: I love you to infinity and beyond!
John: I love you too, Buzz.

He totally feeds into my Disney obsession ; )