feels like tonight

I am ridiculously, insanely, completely happy right now. I can't imagine being any happier.

Obviously, my life could be better. I could be out of my parent's house, I could be out of debt, I could be making more money, I could be happy with my body, I could be totally self-confident, I could be so many more things. But despite not having all of those things, I am so SO SO happy. Quite possibly the most impressive thing about being so happy is that all of those things I could have...I don't have any of them. And I'm still happy despite not having them. I'm not really sure why I've had such a 180 in attitude lately. Maybe it's being busy and filling up every possible second of my day and feeling productive and worthwhile...or maybe it's this really adorable, completely sweet and gorgeous boy I'm head over heels for who makes me feel like gold...or maybe it's that I finally stopped letting myself be taken advantage of at Disney and went out and got myself a better job, a good job that lets me use my brain and make better money.

All of this makes me so excited and impatient for the future. If I'm this happy now, imagine how happy I can be when I have all of those things that I want. I can't wait to move out of here and to not have to worry about every penny in my bank account. That's my biggest stress right now, besides school.

I live for weekends when I get to be with John, and the weeks go by so fast. I can't believe tomorrow is already Wednesday. Ew, my worst day of the week, but yay because it's one day closer to Friday! It's almost March already and time is going by so fast! Today is 7 months for me and John. =)

And I just have to say how much I can't stand studying for Bio and I've found almost every possible distraction that exists tonight...and now I've exhausted all of them so I guess it's back to studying for me =(

My brain is dead!

I can't concentrate on anything.

I had a fabulous weekend. Pretty typical for us, but it's what I look forward to after going to school and working all week. I love doing nothing and relaxing with John all weekend long, it makes the sucky week worth it.

I really have nothing to say. Except I am going to try really really hard this week to eat completely healthy and go to the gym five time.

hearts and kisses

Happy Valentine's Day! Today was so perfect, I can't even say how lucky I am that I have such an amazing and sweet boyfriend. He had ordered flowers to be delivered to me at work, but they didn't get there in time so he had to call me to tell me about them. He was all upset about ruining the surprise but it was so so so cute, I was so surprised. So I ended up going to work like three hours after I got out to get them, and they were soooooo beautiful. And they came with a teddy bear! And then he surprised me with a Happy Valentine's Day balloon and a huge thing of Hershey Kisses tonight! I seriously don't know how I ended up with someone so perfect. It's not even what he got me, just the thought behind it all. No one has ever done anything like that for me and I was so surprised by all of it. I love him so so so much :)

let it be

Sunday night are possibly my least favorite time of the week. I hate knowing that I have a whole week to get through until the weekend comes again. I hate knowing I'll only see John maybe once during the week. I hate knowing I wont have any time to do anything I want to do for five whole days. Sunday nights suck. I'm going to try to go to the gym after work/school everday Monday through Thursday this week. And on Friday I want to try getting up early and going before class starts at 9, but that's a long shot.

I helped John put more stuff on his car this weekend. We rented two movies and went out to dinner Saturday, and today we went to the mall and visited his sister. He surprised me with tickets to a hockey game for next Saturday which I'm really excited for. I know he loves hockey and it'll be something different to do. He really is the sweetest guy ever :) Although my favorite times are when its just the two of us staying in, I'm excited to go out and do something, especially because I'm not legal to most things he would want to go out and do.

Everyone is cranky at home right now and it makes for an even more miserable Sunday night. I hate living here sometimes and I cannot wait to get ahead with my money so I can move out. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life three or four years. Not that I'm not happy, because I am happy, I just wish so bad that I was more financially stable.

I already wish it was Friday.

hello old people, bye bye disney

So...scratch that daycare idea. I got the job today as receptionist/office work/filing at the nursing home in town. 24ish hours a week and the same pay, plus is literally less than a minute down the road from my house, so I took it. Yay! I also quit at Disney tonight which sucked real bad, mostly because I've gotten so attached to the people there and I didn't really think about how quitting would affect that. Kerri gave me a really hard time, which I can understand, but that's not what I was upset about. I'm for real going to miss the people there :( I was on the verge of crying when I got into my car so I called John and he made me feel a little better. And I'm excited about the new job, even if I'm going to be insanely busy from Monday through Friday, but I'll have weekends free to do things and it will be faaaaabulous, yes it will.

Today was another day of rain, rain, rain at school. I was sitting in the car while it was warming up this morning contemplating whether I should go back in the house for my umbrella. I decided not to, out of pure early morning laziness. As I'm driving on the highway I realize I definitely should have gone back for it because my windshield wipers are on the highest speed and I still can barely see clearly. Yeah, not good. But it's too late by this point and I just kept on driving. So much for doing my hair this morning...completley ruined within two seconds of stepping out of the parking garage, not to mention I was freezing all day because I was soaked. Someday I will learn to take the two minutes to go back for the umbrella.

Annnd it's getting close to past my bedtime so goodnight!

i wont go home without you

I GOT THE JOB AT THE DAYCARE!!!!!!! Monday, Wendesday and Fridays after class until the daycare closes!!!

I have to train for two weeks starting a week from today. I also have to get a doctor's note saying I don't have TB and get certified in first aid and CPR. I already went to the doctor today and got tested for TB, and I'm signing up for the Child Care class at the red cross for the 16th. Yay! I also have another interview tomorrow at Portland Care and Rehab for an office job that would be Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I really, really, REALLY hope I get that one too. Then I could easily quit Disney or at least drop to per diem and not have to work anymore weekends!

Today was so productive, I wish everyday could be like today. I got up at 7 and did a bunch of homework. Then I had to go to the gynecologist to get the Gardasil vaccine. I kind of think this is ironic because it's to vaccinate you against HPV and obviously I'm in a relationship so I don't see how I'm going to go out and get an STD but anyways, at least now I can rest easy that I won't get HPV or cervical cancer. I was dead set against getting this vaccine because it's so new and studies have only been going on for 5 years, and I was worried about the longterm affects concerning the ability to have kids. Anyways. So I went to the interview after that and she gave me a tour of the place and then hired me on the spot. Yay! I got really excited and texted John right away and then called my parents cause I was flipping out. Then I went to the gym and worked off some of my excitement, went home and cancelled my hair apointment for tomorrow because I dont have the money to pay for it, made another doctor's apointment for tonight to get the TB shot, and did more homework. Then I called the convalescent home and she wanted to hire me over the phone! So I made an apointment for an interview tomorrow after class, yay for that. Then I had class, the TB apointment and came home. And I've done a ton of research for my religon paper tonight too.

Obviously I'm not being productive right now, but I've done more today than I did all of last semester combined. For real. I dont know what's so different this semester. I'm more organized, motivated, and I am way way WAY happier. Whatever it is, I hope it lasts.

I am determined to go see a show on Broadway before the end of the year. I really want to see the Lion King or Little Mermaid like SO bad. I pretty much just want to go to NYC. I've never been and I live two freaking hours from the city. That's sad.

John McCain and Obama won the CT primaries. I like Obama, but I'm afraid that if he is elected President either he'd be assasinated or some other country would attack us. I hate Hilary. I love McCain, so I'm voting for him because it's pretty obvious at this point that he'll get the bid for Republicans. Oh, and my grandma refers to Hilary as the lesbian whore, which I find hysterical. She blurted that out at dinner last Sunday and I think my dad almost choked on his steak. If you want to stay sane, never ever bring up politics or religion around her. Anyways.

YAY FOR NEW JOBS!

i'm pooooor =(

I am officially ridiculously poor.

I have like...186$ to my name. I get paid Friday but it wont be more than 75$. This is awesome. I need gas. I have a hair appointment but I will probably have to reschedule until I have more money. I owe John $1000. Sweeeet.

I have another interview tomorrow, crossing my fingers. It would be for MWF 4-7 at a daycare. Then I'd still need something TR in the mornings, or I could just keep Disney for that but I don't know. I'd much rather drop that down to per diem.

I had more to say but now I'm depressed because of my poorness so I think I'll just go to bed.

somewhere in the rush i felt we're losing ourselves

I am ridiculously cranky and mopey and hate being stuck at home all day alone with nothing to do. I've been in a weird mood for the last couple days anyway and on the verge of crying all day which is really unlike me. And I'm not even getting my period so I can't even use that as an excuse.

This is like the fourth time in two weeks where everyone has been out doing whatever and I'm stuck home by myself. I. Hate. That. =( Sometimes I feel so insignificant and I get really frustrated with myself and my life and I think that's what's going on right now. I feel like I'm being a big baby and I probably am but I don't feel like doing anything about it.

Asdfgjkdhfgfdh.