graduated

Yesterday marked the END of my undergrad career! Technically it really ended in December, but my school doesn't have December graduations anymore so I had to wait until May to actually graduate. I had an award ceremony to go to on May 13th because I graduated Cum Laude (like 0.05 points away from Magna Cum Laude, I was so mad!), and then the ceremony for the 1400 graduates was yesterday at the XL Center in Hartford. It was LONG. I was disappointed with the commencement speaker (one of CCSU's History professor) - she didn't really say anything that stuck with me. The Class of 2010 President spoke and it was kind of corny. I almost wasn't going to go because I didn't know anyone since I commuted for 4 years, but now I am glad I went. It took FOREVER to call everyone's name, but it was worth it to actually feel like I graduated. I'm glad that 1,000 students chose not to walk because that would have made it even longer.





Afterward, I tried to find John and my parents but there were SO many people that it took 30 minutes to find them! It was insane. The XL center was packed - there were more people at graduation than there are at the hockey games we go to! It was crazy. We went back to my parent's house after because Erin's senior prom was held last night also! In typical fashion, we took 648 photos to commemorate the day. ; )










Didn't Erin look STUNNING??

and dance forever

I've been MIA lately.

I got sick of wordpress because I am not computer savvy and couldn't figure out how to make my blog look pretty. If it's not pretty, why bother posting, right? So, I decided to move. Again.

It took me a few days to make my new blog (really, I'm just moving BACK to my original blog - but I obviously had to pretty it up first). Then I got side tracked with the Surprise Party of 2010. Then John's dad got very sick. And life just sort of got a little crazy, so the blog had to wait.

But now! The party is over and I am anxious to start blogging about the wedding so the blog HAD to be finished. The laundry that has been piling up for two weeks? That could wait. So I finished everything this morning. Voila! Welcome to my new blog.

i'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind

Today has been such a weird day. Lately I've wanted nothing to do with school, which completely makes sense in my head. I've been going to school since I was four and I've pretty much just had it. I'm so sick of it. I just want to be working full time. Thank GOD I have only three semesters left, but it feels like an eternity. I hate school. I have to convince myself everyday to not skip any classes, and lately I haven't been winning those battles. But you know, I'm not going to stress about it because it's not the end of the world.

I had a mental breakdown on John tonight. I feel so bad when I do this to him, because I am fully aware of how insane I seem. Most of the time, I'm pretty level-headed and reasonable, unlike most girls my age. But I just have these moments sometimes when I feel like I'm really dumb and stupid and a pain in the butt to everyone around me. Normal, right? I think so, I'm pretty sure most people have these days. But still, I get so mad at myself when I let it affect people around me. I was fine all day and then out of nowhere I just started feeling ridiculous, which makes me so mad. I obviously can't help the way I feel but I can't stand when it affects other people because usually I'm so careful about not letting my mood affect other people. I went nuts tonight venting to John about everything that annoys me - seriously, everything. And that just makes me feel bad about myself because I should be thankful for all that I have, not angry because stupid things bother me. And I feel lazy and stupid because I could be so much smarter and so much more organized and so much more put together. I could be so many things that I'm not and most days, I'm fine with that. Most days I like who I am. Tonight though, man, I have no idea why I started feeling like such a piece of crap. It's nights like these that make me appreciate him even more. I can't really explain how he does it, but somehow he calms me down and helps me realize that things really are OK. He just knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and I'm just constantly grateful that he's a part of my life. And I feel so so so lucky to have him.

I am freezing and have been almost all day. It's driving me crazy, I absolutely hate being so cold. I think I'm going to go take a super hot shower and go to bed because I have another headache and I'm still as nauseaus as I was when I got up this morning. I have had the weirdest appetite lately, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just dont want to cook anything. I swear, if I didnt have to take this medicine I'm on I wouldn't, because it makes me have no desire to eat. Which, considering my lack-of-eating history, is not good, even though the whole point of the medicine is to make me NOT think about what I'm eating. I guess its doing its job because I dont really care what I eat...so I dont know why I'm complaining. Maybe if I didn't have to go get fuckin anorexic when I was 16 I wouldn't always be so cold and/or obsessive about what I eat. I think I just need to go to bed.

My brain is dead!

I can't concentrate on anything.

all we are, we are

I have an interview at a daycare on the turnpike Friday at 4:30. My life would improve in so many ways if I got this:

- a set schedule...seriously the worst thing about my job is not knowing what i'm working until four days before.
- no weekends! no nights!
- its on my way to school so i wouldn't be using all the extra gas/time to get to disney.
- i wont be spending all my money on things at disney!
- it'll look better on my resume.

I am officially one week into the semester and have not skipped any classes! I'm also keeping up with the majority of my reading which I've never done before. I went to the gym today and burned 600 calories, yay =) What a productive day! Hopefully I can keep this up.

Sooo...the weekend! Saturday was 6 months for me and John. He got me a cute little bear thing that talks and I love it. And we got our picture in a photobooth at the mall which I've alllways bugged him to do with me. We spent almost all weekend together, which I loved, because I never see him during the week anymore. I don't remember ever being so happy. Even my mother keeps telling me she's never seen me this happy. She even told Erin that she's glad I finally found someone so perfect. And yes, he's perfect. =) I seriously seriously seriously love him so much and I feel like I'm crazy for being like this because it's only been 6 months, but I can't help it.

I feel so bad for Uncle Gary. Well I do and I don't. I mean, I totally understand where he is and how hard it is for him right now, but I almost can't feel bad because he got himself into this. Just like I got myself into my mess. It's only been 2 years since I came home and had to tell everyone why I was home and face everything I'd gotten myself into, and he's going through all of that right now. The first six months of being home were absolute hell, between the hospital and the rumors and everything..it just sucked. And I wish he didn't have to go through that too, I wish he could just concentrate on getting better without worrying about all that crap.

John totally made my night with his John Cena news. I love when he gets excited like that. He's changed so much since moving into the apartment and starting work...and I'm so glad for him. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I know and it's about time it started happening for him.

I'm super tired and going to bed at 9:30...that's a record! =)

First "real" day of school today...and it wasn't all that bad.

My first class was the best, I've had the professor before and I really like him, but the class is big. My bio professor is loopy, I mean, really, really loopy. Same with my Medieval professor. He cracks these jokes that are supposed to be funny, but the entire time he was going off-topic and trying to have a semi-normal sense of humor I kept wondering which drugs he'd been on and for how long.

new year!

For real, I'm keeping up with this now. I have a new computer, yay!

I can't remember ever being happier than I am right now. My life feels so complete and so perfect. Excluding the fact that I am still poor, still at home, and still in school. Things are good at home, minus the occasional issues that come up. Things with John are perfect, I can't imagine how they could be any better. For the first time I'm not looking for something more or something better...he's everything I want and more, even. He keeps me calm and he keeps me in perspective of things. He is really so good for me and I feel like I'm a better person because of him. He supports me and helps me and is always looking out for me. I hope he's as happy with me as I am with him, and I am pretty sure that he is.

So I've been sick for almost a month...just a cold, or so I thought. Saturday morning I started getting this weird pain under my right boob, like a knife going through my rib cage. So my mom and John made me go to the ER yesterday and it turns out I actually have a legit thing wrong with me. The fluid between my lung and rib cage has been pushed out from all the coughing, leaving my lung rubbing against my rib cage. The fluid is what keeps the lung from actually rubbing on the rib, so yeah, it hurts pretty bad. I can't breathe normally, cause if I breathe too deep I get that stabbing feeling. I can't lift or move in certain directions either. Yay for that.

Once this goes away, I'm totally making myself go to the gym at least four days a week. My eating is good, so all I have to do is go to the gym. I've actually lost some weight in the last couple months, yay for me.

School starts tomorrow and I swear I'm not going to skip as many classes as I did last semester. I have good professors and good classes and my schedule is better this year, even though it doesn't leave me much time to work. Speaking of work, I need a better job. At least a job that pays more than minimum wage. I love my job, I just don't get enough hours during the school year and I wish I made like 5$ more an hour.

Things to look forward to:
*6 months with John on Saturday...and the day off!
*Keith Urban/Carrie Underwood show next week!
*Matchbox 20 February 18th!

blustery day

I haven't written in a long time. I've been working between 25-30 hours a week and going to school full time, so things have been a little busy. Overall though, things are great. I am so happy, so it kind of makes any stress not matter as much. I haven't been going to the gym much, so that's my new focus. I love going, it's just been a matter of finding the time to get there. And eating better too, which pretty much translates into making sure I eat enough. I've done good so far this week.

I'm almost done Christmas shopping; I've finished Mom, Dad, and Nanny & Bumpie. I know what I'm getting Erin and John, but I'm stuck on Andrew. The one thing about finishing this early is that I get really anxious to give people their gifts. I also have to send out my cards soon before it's too late.

I am so ready for this semester to be over with. I've got the rest of this week and then Monday & Wednesday next week. Soo looking forward to five weeks with no school. Speaking of, I have to go to the library today and do research on a theologian for my religion class. Not going to be fun.

It's cold and windy and gray outside. That's got to be why so many people hate winter, it's always so sad looking.