Mr. & Mrs.

I am still sorting through guest photos, waiting for professional photos, and organizing what I want to say about our wedding weekend (there will most likely be several posts), but here is a little sneak peek to hold you over:



It was an incredible ten days, and the wedding itself was just wonderful. It was the very best day of my life and I would not change a thing about it. We are pretty busy getting back into our little routines and cleaning up the house (hot weather + hardwood floors + four shedding kitties = tumbleweed-esque clumps of fur blowing through the entire first level of the house) and unpacking but I hope to set aside some time soon to start writing about our trip and our wedding.

You can watch the "sneak peek" from our videographer if you want a glimpse at our ceremony (it's really just our vows):
www.stvsweddings.com - click Sneak Peeks, then click our names.
username: blu-ray
password: magic

Enjoy!

Fifty.

50 is not really that big of a number.

When I was little, I thought $50 made me rich. Ha! $50 barely gets me enough gasoline for the week... but I digress.

When we set our wedding date, we had 500-something days to wait. I looked forward to every "milestone" number as we counted down the days. 450 days, 400 days, 350 days, 300 days, and so on. I was really excited a few months ago when we hit 100 days, and then 99 the day after. Double digits!

Now we have 50 days left. FIFTY DAYS. And we have only 47 days until we leave.

This number is pretty much freaking me out right now. I really don't want it to be over. I remember my very first trip to Disney in 1997 - riding on the monorail past the Wedding Pavilion and thinking "That's where I want to get married someday." Someday is here - in a mere fifty days. How did that happen so quickly?!

you lifted me higher than my doubts and fears

Music has always been an incredibly important part of my life. I grew up always having music around me - my mom is a huge fan and always had the radio on or a CD playing. When I was in 8th grade I fell head-over-heels in love with Lifehouse. They saved my life in high school with their album No Name Face. The lyrics spoke to me and I felt like every single song was written specifically for me. As I grew older, they grew with me. The albums that followed could not compete with the amazing-ness of No Name Face but I loved them anyways. Now, nearly ten years later, the band has gone through record label changes, stylistic changes, lyrical changes - you name it -but still I feel as though I owe a part of myself to them. Their music is different now. More commercialized, more mareketable. Even though they do not write lyrics as deep and meaningful as they did before their rise to stardom I still get butterflies if I hear them come on the radio.

With all of that said, I have always felt that I wanted a Lifehouse song for the first dance at my wedding. I felt this way before I met John - but now, after being together for three years and going to many Lifehouse concerts together, he suggested on his own that we use 'Everything.' I was surprised; I never thought he would genuinely want to use a Lifehouse song for our first dance. I do not really want to use that specific song because a lot of people use it - I wanted something that fit our relationship and would be unique to our wedding. I thought about using Jason Wade's cover of You Belong To Me, or acoustic versions of Take Me Away or Breathing. As I searched through my Lifehouse library I came across a song that was never released on an album or on the radio. A song that speaks to true love. A song that gives me goosebumps. A song that reminds me of John, that I can actually see us dancing to at our wedding next year.

The song I am leaning towards is You Can Shake The Mountains. What do you think?

Nala

Yesterday John and I celebrated our third anniversary together. It's hard to believe that three years have gone by since we started dating. Life seemed so carefree three years ago - he had just returned from his deployment to Afghanistan and was not working, I was still working for Disney and in school, we both lived at home and had virtually no bills.

One year later he was working as an independent contractor for Fed Ex and I was just starting my new job with a construction company and we had a nice little routine of spending our weekends together. Our first year also brought us Milo who quickly stole our hearts and became our gentle giant.


Our second year started off with an engagement ring and our first apartment. I was finishing up school and John was working as hard as ever with his route. It was an adjustment to live together but it was an exciting time to be thinking about our future together and booking our wedding. This year also brought us our spunky little Marley who continues to melt our hearts everyday.


This year did not bring any major milestones. Not much has changed in our lives; we still work at the same jobs and we still have too many bills to pay each month. John likes to spend his free time with his new X Box while I like to experiment in my new (and bigger!) kitchen. We don't have a lot of extra money since we are planning our wedding that is less than ten months away (!!!) so John decided we should spend our anniversary wisely. Instead of fancy gifts and an expensive dinner, we paid a little donation to the Connecticut Humane Society and brought home this beautiful little girl:


I swear it wasn't even my idea to get another cat - John was slow at work one day and stopped into a humane society and saw how many little kitties were without homes and being the softie that he is, he came home and told me that we should get another one for our anniversary. We were both a little hesitant at first. We didn't want to disrupt Milo and Marley who got along so well - Milo was John's baby and Marley was mine. What would a third cat bring to the table? We went to one shelter and no one really stood out to us. (Of course, in a perfect world I would just love to give all of the homless kitties homes). We didn't want just anyone, we wanted someone who would complement our boys (and I secretly wanted someone who would cuddle with me). We left the first shelter convinced that getting another cat just wasn't for us. As we continued on with our day I remembered that there is another shelter near the curtain store where we were headed. We stopped in there not expecting to find anything as it is much smaller than the other shelter. We got to the last row of kitties and John spotted her. She was in a separate room because she had a cold and she was also recovering from hernia surgery. We instantly fell in love and asked one of the workers how we would go about adopting her. Less than an hour later and we were in the car heading home. Needless to say, we did not get curtains that day!

She is such a love. She sleeps in between us every night and she loves to curl up on my chest if I'm laying on the couch. She has a ferocious appetite - we think her previous owner failed to feed her enough everyday because she is VERY small. She wants her brothers to play with her but they are taking their sweet time getting used to her. I think with time they are coming around - Marley already plays with her once in a while and today I even caught him sleeping near her on our bed. Milo is his laid back self as always, observing from a distance and keeping an eye on things.

I can't think of a better anniversary gift.

it's real

On Thursday, my wedding consulant faxed me our Letter of Agreement (aka, our contract with Disney). I have been waiting for this for months - this means we are officially getting married in Disney! (Not that there was any question before...it's just all official now and our guests can start planning their trips).

On Monday May 23, 2011, at 12:00 in the afternoon, I will walk down the aisle of Disney's beautiful Wedding Pavilion to become Mrs. F---, to marry my best friend in the entire world. It is crazy that it is set in stone now - deposit will be sent tomorrow, wedding planner will be assigned in the next couple weeks, and OH MY GOSH I'M GETTING MARRIED! When we got engaged almost a year ago, May/June of 2011 seemed so far away. Now we are 351 days away from the start of our happily ever after and I could not be more excited!

I feel like there are so many things I should be thinking about. We now have all of the major things checked off our list: venue, photographer, videographer, hair & makeup artist, the wedding dress!, and bridesmaid dresses. Oh, and my awesome newsletter went out to all of our guests on Saturday! (If you'd like to see the PDF version let me know - I can email it to you!). In the next few weeks I am hoping to get John to go to Men's Warehouse with me to look at different suits and get prices for renting/buying them. I'd also like to go to a craft store that is about 30 minutes away to look at some silk flowers so I can decide if we'll be making bridesmaid bouquets or if we will use live flowers through Disney Floral.

I am so excited for this coming year. It is a bit surreal that we are getting married in less than a year - holy cow! This time next year I will be a Mrs.

graduated

Yesterday marked the END of my undergrad career! Technically it really ended in December, but my school doesn't have December graduations anymore so I had to wait until May to actually graduate. I had an award ceremony to go to on May 13th because I graduated Cum Laude (like 0.05 points away from Magna Cum Laude, I was so mad!), and then the ceremony for the 1400 graduates was yesterday at the XL Center in Hartford. It was LONG. I was disappointed with the commencement speaker (one of CCSU's History professor) - she didn't really say anything that stuck with me. The Class of 2010 President spoke and it was kind of corny. I almost wasn't going to go because I didn't know anyone since I commuted for 4 years, but now I am glad I went. It took FOREVER to call everyone's name, but it was worth it to actually feel like I graduated. I'm glad that 1,000 students chose not to walk because that would have made it even longer.





Afterward, I tried to find John and my parents but there were SO many people that it took 30 minutes to find them! It was insane. The XL center was packed - there were more people at graduation than there are at the hockey games we go to! It was crazy. We went back to my parent's house after because Erin's senior prom was held last night also! In typical fashion, we took 648 photos to commemorate the day. ; )










Didn't Erin look STUNNING??

priorities

When it comes to the wedding, there is an endless list of enhancements/add-ons/extras that Disney can do for us. I would love to be able to take advantage of all of them but unfortunately, I do not have an endless supply of cash. There are some extras that I can say "no" to right away - like using Cinderella's Coach to bring me to the Wedding Pavilion - totally not worth the $2,700.00 that it costs for a whopping 2 hours. I'm not even that into the idea of confetti canons that can go off during the staged exit after the ceremony. Don't know the price for those - not sure I want to know! There are, however, several things that I DO want. Not all of them fit into the budget so I'm trying to cut where I can to save money.

1. Photography This is a MUST. I am obsessed with pictures. One of my favorite things to do is look though old photo albums at my parents house. I think it is invaluable to be able to look back on special moments and memories that would otherwise be lost in the shuffle of everyday life. I want to be able to show my children the photos from our wedding. I want to be able to relive this day for years to come - you only get one wedding day, right!? I was not familiar with Orlando photographers when we decided to go with the Disney Wedding, so it took a bit of research before I was able to find one that had a good reputation and took amazing photos. I scored my photographer for the entire wedding day (no limit on the # of hours!) for a fabulous $1600.00. This includes a DVD with all of the images and some printed images. I am free to print them however/wherever I like, and I also have the option to have him print my album.

2. Floral I have a hard time justifying dropping loads of cash on flowers/boquets/decor that will die in 48 hours. I've been toying with the idea of making silk boquets - I just have to find a place where I can get nice silk flowers for a reasonable price. I'm also thinking about doing non-floral centerpieces for the reception - something beachy but simple. Something like this:

Non-floral centerpieces through Disney are much cheaper than using live flowers. Bridal boquets run upwards of $200.00 and bridesmaid boquets can be as much as $150.00.

3. Dessert Party This is a no brainer for me. I have to have this. It is something unique to Disney Weddings. It is fairly self-explanatory: it is a VIP dessert party with lots of incredibly yummy treats right in the middle of EPCOT during the Illuminations fireworks show. For those of you who have been to Disney, we are most likely going to hold ours in the Italy Pavilion in World Showcase:

We will be escorted into the park (yes, in my wedding dress!) We will eat dessert (of course) and watch the incredible fireworks show. I think it's going to be fantastic and a perfect way to end our wedding day.

4. Videography At first, I didn't even consider this element of the wedding day. The more I think about it, the more I want to have a video to remember this day by. Everyone says how quickly it goes by and how much you (bride & groom) miss because you are so focused on other things. And I also think about how much I love home videos - I love watching them. I love being able to relive the best moments of my life. The more I think about it, the more important this seems. I found a great videographer who will provide ALL DAY coverage for $1495.00 - including 3 DVDs of the final video (and I asked - it can be as long as we want it to be!). We can upgrade to BluRay for $150.00 more, and we can purchase the raw footage for $100.00. Oh! And we can have our ceremony broadcasted LIVE via webcam! I think that is so neat. I really want to find a way to make this work with our budget.

5. Magic Kingdom Photoshoot Okay. I REALLY want this. It costs $1,100.00. It includes 1 hr in the Magic Kingdom before the park opens in our wedding attire. I gush at the thought of having photos of John & me by ourselves in the Magic Kingdom, on Main St USA, on Cinderella's Carousel, on the Tea Cups...it just seems so exciting! I really want to do this, even if the cost is a little steep for just an hour. It includes a proof book, a 12 print album, and 4x6 prints of all the photos. I need to decide which is more important - this or the videography. Decisions, decisions.

I am sure I will think of other elements as I get further into the planning, but right now, these are the things I am really focusing on. I hate being on a budget!

i'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind

Today has been such a weird day. Lately I've wanted nothing to do with school, which completely makes sense in my head. I've been going to school since I was four and I've pretty much just had it. I'm so sick of it. I just want to be working full time. Thank GOD I have only three semesters left, but it feels like an eternity. I hate school. I have to convince myself everyday to not skip any classes, and lately I haven't been winning those battles. But you know, I'm not going to stress about it because it's not the end of the world.

I had a mental breakdown on John tonight. I feel so bad when I do this to him, because I am fully aware of how insane I seem. Most of the time, I'm pretty level-headed and reasonable, unlike most girls my age. But I just have these moments sometimes when I feel like I'm really dumb and stupid and a pain in the butt to everyone around me. Normal, right? I think so, I'm pretty sure most people have these days. But still, I get so mad at myself when I let it affect people around me. I was fine all day and then out of nowhere I just started feeling ridiculous, which makes me so mad. I obviously can't help the way I feel but I can't stand when it affects other people because usually I'm so careful about not letting my mood affect other people. I went nuts tonight venting to John about everything that annoys me - seriously, everything. And that just makes me feel bad about myself because I should be thankful for all that I have, not angry because stupid things bother me. And I feel lazy and stupid because I could be so much smarter and so much more organized and so much more put together. I could be so many things that I'm not and most days, I'm fine with that. Most days I like who I am. Tonight though, man, I have no idea why I started feeling like such a piece of crap. It's nights like these that make me appreciate him even more. I can't really explain how he does it, but somehow he calms me down and helps me realize that things really are OK. He just knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and I'm just constantly grateful that he's a part of my life. And I feel so so so lucky to have him.

I am freezing and have been almost all day. It's driving me crazy, I absolutely hate being so cold. I think I'm going to go take a super hot shower and go to bed because I have another headache and I'm still as nauseaus as I was when I got up this morning. I have had the weirdest appetite lately, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just dont want to cook anything. I swear, if I didnt have to take this medicine I'm on I wouldn't, because it makes me have no desire to eat. Which, considering my lack-of-eating history, is not good, even though the whole point of the medicine is to make me NOT think about what I'm eating. I guess its doing its job because I dont really care what I eat...so I dont know why I'm complaining. Maybe if I didn't have to go get fuckin anorexic when I was 16 I wouldn't always be so cold and/or obsessive about what I eat. I think I just need to go to bed.

love is a beautiful thing

Hello, one month since I last posted?? I guess I've gotten busy. Doing what, I have no idea because I feel like I've become a slacker again in the last four weeks, but oh well. I can't really think of anything especially exciting that's occurred in the last 28 days. Lots of exciting things coming up though, like Lifehouse tomorrow and Disney in two weeks. What, didn't I just go to Disney? Yep, but I'm going again, this time with my 68 year old grandmother for four days. I'm excited, mostly because I cant wait to see her reaction to how much it's changed there in the ten years since she last went, and because I know she'll have a lot of fun. Today is eight months for John and me, yay for that. And I couldn't be happier with him, for real.

I'm slowly getting myself out of debt, my credit cards are almost paid off and then its time to start paying John back. And THEN I can really start saving my money. I have six weeks of classes left until summer and then after that, only three semesters left until I graduate. What! That's crazy.

I think I've become addicted to diet coke in the last two days. It's better than my chocolate addiction that consumed my life all of last week though, at least this one is calorie-free. I can't concentrate on anything and have developed severe ADD because I'm so excited for Lifehouse tomorrow night and cannot focus on anything longer than three seconds.

feels like tonight

I am ridiculously, insanely, completely happy right now. I can't imagine being any happier.

Obviously, my life could be better. I could be out of my parent's house, I could be out of debt, I could be making more money, I could be happy with my body, I could be totally self-confident, I could be so many more things. But despite not having all of those things, I am so SO SO happy. Quite possibly the most impressive thing about being so happy is that all of those things I could have...I don't have any of them. And I'm still happy despite not having them. I'm not really sure why I've had such a 180 in attitude lately. Maybe it's being busy and filling up every possible second of my day and feeling productive and worthwhile...or maybe it's this really adorable, completely sweet and gorgeous boy I'm head over heels for who makes me feel like gold...or maybe it's that I finally stopped letting myself be taken advantage of at Disney and went out and got myself a better job, a good job that lets me use my brain and make better money.

All of this makes me so excited and impatient for the future. If I'm this happy now, imagine how happy I can be when I have all of those things that I want. I can't wait to move out of here and to not have to worry about every penny in my bank account. That's my biggest stress right now, besides school.

I live for weekends when I get to be with John, and the weeks go by so fast. I can't believe tomorrow is already Wednesday. Ew, my worst day of the week, but yay because it's one day closer to Friday! It's almost March already and time is going by so fast! Today is 7 months for me and John. =)

And I just have to say how much I can't stand studying for Bio and I've found almost every possible distraction that exists tonight...and now I've exhausted all of them so I guess it's back to studying for me =(

I had a fabulous weekend. Pretty typical for us, but it's what I look forward to after going to school and working all week. I love doing nothing and relaxing with John all weekend long, it makes the sucky week worth it.

I really have nothing to say. Except I am going to try really really hard this week to eat completely healthy and go to the gym five time.

hearts and kisses

Happy Valentine's Day! Today was so perfect, I can't even say how lucky I am that I have such an amazing and sweet boyfriend. He had ordered flowers to be delivered to me at work, but they didn't get there in time so he had to call me to tell me about them. He was all upset about ruining the surprise but it was so so so cute, I was so surprised. So I ended up going to work like three hours after I got out to get them, and they were soooooo beautiful. And they came with a teddy bear! And then he surprised me with a Happy Valentine's Day balloon and a huge thing of Hershey Kisses tonight! I seriously don't know how I ended up with someone so perfect. It's not even what he got me, just the thought behind it all. No one has ever done anything like that for me and I was so surprised by all of it. I love him so so so much :)

let it be

Sunday night are possibly my least favorite time of the week. I hate knowing that I have a whole week to get through until the weekend comes again. I hate knowing I'll only see John maybe once during the week. I hate knowing I wont have any time to do anything I want to do for five whole days. Sunday nights suck. I'm going to try to go to the gym after work/school everday Monday through Thursday this week. And on Friday I want to try getting up early and going before class starts at 9, but that's a long shot.

I helped John put more stuff on his car this weekend. We rented two movies and went out to dinner Saturday, and today we went to the mall and visited his sister. He surprised me with tickets to a hockey game for next Saturday which I'm really excited for. I know he loves hockey and it'll be something different to do. He really is the sweetest guy ever :) Although my favorite times are when its just the two of us staying in, I'm excited to go out and do something, especially because I'm not legal to most things he would want to go out and do.

Everyone is cranky at home right now and it makes for an even more miserable Sunday night. I hate living here sometimes and I cannot wait to get ahead with my money so I can move out. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life three or four years. Not that I'm not happy, because I am happy, I just wish so bad that I was more financially stable.

I already wish it was Friday.

all we are, we are

I have an interview at a daycare on the turnpike Friday at 4:30. My life would improve in so many ways if I got this:

- a set schedule...seriously the worst thing about my job is not knowing what i'm working until four days before.
- no weekends! no nights!
- its on my way to school so i wouldn't be using all the extra gas/time to get to disney.
- i wont be spending all my money on things at disney!
- it'll look better on my resume.

I am officially one week into the semester and have not skipped any classes! I'm also keeping up with the majority of my reading which I've never done before. I went to the gym today and burned 600 calories, yay =) What a productive day! Hopefully I can keep this up.

Sooo...the weekend! Saturday was 6 months for me and John. He got me a cute little bear thing that talks and I love it. And we got our picture in a photobooth at the mall which I've alllways bugged him to do with me. We spent almost all weekend together, which I loved, because I never see him during the week anymore. I don't remember ever being so happy. Even my mother keeps telling me she's never seen me this happy. She even told Erin that she's glad I finally found someone so perfect. And yes, he's perfect. =) I seriously seriously seriously love him so much and I feel like I'm crazy for being like this because it's only been 6 months, but I can't help it.

I feel so bad for Uncle Gary. Well I do and I don't. I mean, I totally understand where he is and how hard it is for him right now, but I almost can't feel bad because he got himself into this. Just like I got myself into my mess. It's only been 2 years since I came home and had to tell everyone why I was home and face everything I'd gotten myself into, and he's going through all of that right now. The first six months of being home were absolute hell, between the hospital and the rumors and everything..it just sucked. And I wish he didn't have to go through that too, I wish he could just concentrate on getting better without worrying about all that crap.

John totally made my night with his John Cena news. I love when he gets excited like that. He's changed so much since moving into the apartment and starting work...and I'm so glad for him. He deserves to be happy more than anyone I know and it's about time it started happening for him.

I'm super tired and going to bed at 9:30...that's a record! =)

we're feeling alive all over again

I'm really cranky right now and all I want to do is curl up with John and watch tv, even if it's wrestling. Or take a super hot bubble bath but I can't because there would be WWIII chaos if I attempted to use the bathroom for more than 20 minutes. I wish crazy hormones didn't come with being a girl.

I'm sad that Heath Ledger died and I just found out Brad Renfro died too. I had a major pre-teen crush on him when Tom & Huck came out, mostly because he looked like Taylor Hanson. It kind of makes me appreciate my own life and the fact that money doesn't buy happiness, apparently. I always tell myself that my life would be so much better if I had a lot of money to do whatever I wanted, but I'll take my life and the people in it over wealth and fame anyday.

Lifehouse is coming to CT, NY and Boston over the course of a week's time and I'm pretty sure I'm going to the CT and NY shows, so that's exciting. I can't wait to see them again and I really hope they play From Where You Are. Yaayyy.

I still can't breathe right. I had such a hard time lifting all my books at school today, it was pretty pathetic. And walking in the cold...not fun. Today is Wednesday and it was supposed to be "much" better by yesterday, but apparently it's not. It's frustrating. I can't yawn or sneeze because I lose my breath before I can actually yawn or sneeze because it hurts so bad.

I have nothing important to say, as always. BUUUT! This is why I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world:

FedEx08John (5:18:41 PM): guess what
hopesofdreaming4 (5:18:44 PM): what!
FedEx08John (5:18:46 PM): i love you

...but wait, there's more!

hopesofdreaming4 (6:50:19 PM): now i'm in a bad mood
FedEx08John (6:50:33 PM): awww babe
FedEx08John (6:51:59 PM): did i mention that i love you?

Yep...pretty sure he's the best =)

new year!

For real, I'm keeping up with this now. I have a new computer, yay!

I can't remember ever being happier than I am right now. My life feels so complete and so perfect. Excluding the fact that I am still poor, still at home, and still in school. Things are good at home, minus the occasional issues that come up. Things with John are perfect, I can't imagine how they could be any better. For the first time I'm not looking for something more or something better...he's everything I want and more, even. He keeps me calm and he keeps me in perspective of things. He is really so good for me and I feel like I'm a better person because of him. He supports me and helps me and is always looking out for me. I hope he's as happy with me as I am with him, and I am pretty sure that he is.

So I've been sick for almost a month...just a cold, or so I thought. Saturday morning I started getting this weird pain under my right boob, like a knife going through my rib cage. So my mom and John made me go to the ER yesterday and it turns out I actually have a legit thing wrong with me. The fluid between my lung and rib cage has been pushed out from all the coughing, leaving my lung rubbing against my rib cage. The fluid is what keeps the lung from actually rubbing on the rib, so yeah, it hurts pretty bad. I can't breathe normally, cause if I breathe too deep I get that stabbing feeling. I can't lift or move in certain directions either. Yay for that.

Once this goes away, I'm totally making myself go to the gym at least four days a week. My eating is good, so all I have to do is go to the gym. I've actually lost some weight in the last couple months, yay for me.

School starts tomorrow and I swear I'm not going to skip as many classes as I did last semester. I have good professors and good classes and my schedule is better this year, even though it doesn't leave me much time to work. Speaking of work, I need a better job. At least a job that pays more than minimum wage. I love my job, I just don't get enough hours during the school year and I wish I made like 5$ more an hour.

Things to look forward to:
*6 months with John on Saturday...and the day off!
*Keith Urban/Carrie Underwood show next week!
*Matchbox 20 February 18th!