changes

We are moving. In 5 days. My apartment is in a state of disaster - boxes everywhere! I went to pour a bowl of cereal today and realized I have no bowls left. Milo and Marley are loving it - boxes to climb on or climb in.

I can't wait to post pictures of our new place, it is adorable. It's the second floor of an old house built in 1889. It's got bay windows, built in bookshelves, a corner hutch in the dining room, and a giant whiteboard wall in the stairway (John is particularly excited about that).

Let me just say - I do not want to move again until we buy a house. Hopefully we won't have to...I hate the process of moving.

and dance forever

I've been MIA lately.

I got sick of wordpress because I am not computer savvy and couldn't figure out how to make my blog look pretty. If it's not pretty, why bother posting, right? So, I decided to move. Again.

It took me a few days to make my new blog (really, I'm just moving BACK to my original blog - but I obviously had to pretty it up first). Then I got side tracked with the Surprise Party of 2010. Then John's dad got very sick. And life just sort of got a little crazy, so the blog had to wait.

But now! The party is over and I am anxious to start blogging about the wedding so the blog HAD to be finished. The laundry that has been piling up for two weeks? That could wait. So I finished everything this morning. Voila! Welcome to my new blog.

look onward baby, someday you might need a friend

Soooo it's been a little bit. I broke my elbow, couldn't type, and now I'm frustrated with not being able to use my right hand that I took the crap off of it and am using it despite it being broken and hurting like a mofo. So much for becoming an expert rollerblader by June 15th, apparently my stopping techniques weren't up to par. No worries though, I will get it down by the end of the summer for sure. Next summer's goal will be to conquer playing hockey while on rollerblades...I'm sure more broken bones will result.

I wish I wasn't so clumsy. It seems like I'm tripping or falling or hitting something at least a few times a day. Speaking of, it's been almost a year since the fateful Bambi incident, and I told John he has to drive me everywhere on May 11 because I am not driving anywhere. This also means that I can FINALLY see a plastic surgeon about doing something with my arm. I wasn't going to fix it, but then I realized I dont want to look like my arm was gnawed at by a mountain lion for the rest of my life.

We're having a BBQ at work tomorrow, I am pretty excited. I love working there and I adore my residents. They're so cute, I hope I'm as cute as them when I'm really old. They come out with the funniest things, the other day one of them asked if I was available and when I told him no, he was all "Damn, I sure missed out." At least it keeps my confidence up. haha.

I'm really tired and have gotten into a bad habit of going to bed at 11 and being really tired all day. I want to cut my hair short again.

well well baby what do you know

It seems like my life lately is consumed with counting down the days until classes end.

John and I bought rollerblades this weekend and now he's attempting to teach me how to use them. I actually skated a little bit on my own, which I wasn't expecting. I feel like I'll never get the hang of it, but I did have fun. I think once I figure out stopping and turning I'll be ok, but I'm too afraid of falling, lol.

I need to wash my hair and go to bed, I've been so tired lately. I had a really bad headache earlier today and slept it off while John watched a movie, and I've gotten really tired on and off all day. I realized at dinner that I'm going to miss my brother so much when he goes away to school in August. It's going to be so quiet and lonely at home. OH and I cannot believe gas prices over the last week! We're almost at $4 a gallon, which is completely ridiculous.

It's Sunday night :( Weekends go by too quickly.

hero or not i'm still taking my shot

Today I was walking Cooper and he's very curious and has to check out everything we walk by. We crossed Spring St and came to a yellow house where two kids playing in the front yard. I didn't think anything of it because I walk by people all the time with Cooper and for the most part, it's never an issue. BUT, these kids have to be different. The older girl, who had to be at least ten years old, came straight over to Cooper and started petting him.

And then he jumped on her.

When I was a kid my mom drilled into my head that you don't ever go near a strange animal because it might rip your head off and chew it to pieces. Yes, my mom was a little TOO protective of us. I was never allowed to watch Beavis & Butthead or Ren & Stimpy and MTV was off-limits when Mom was close enough to hear what I had on the TV. I always had to wear a coat to school even in June and was never allowed to buy school lunches because - what if there was a band-aid or contagious disease mixed into the vegetables??

So anyway, when I was a kid, I had this ridiculous fear of every dog I ever saw. My grandma's neighbor had a GIANT dog (picture Beethoven when he stopped being the cute furry puppy and turned into a huge slobbering mess) named Fritzi that I was terrified of. Of course, whenever we were over her house the dog would be out in his yard and I would hide behind my mom because I was afraid that he would rip my head off and chew it to pieces.

So, fast forward a few years, and all of my cousins are at Grandma's and we're all playing out on the swingset. Out of nowhere Fritzi comes running down the hill separating my grandma's yard from Fritzi's yard...and everyone is all excited because they were normal and not afraid of the dog. I, on the other hand, freaked out and started screaming for my mom and ran away from the dog. The dog, being a normal dog, started running after me because well, that's what dogs do. I circled around a big oak tree in the yard, trying to outrun the dog who had a good forty pounds on me. My mom eventually heard my cries of bloody murder and came out and rescued me from Frizti, but I will forever be embarassed that I was so terrified of a goofball dog when I was eight years old.

I'm leaving for Disney in three days and a.) am terrified of getting on a plane and b.) will miss Cooper like crazy and c.) have to find my phone charger before I leave or else I'm fucked.

i'm losing myself just to find a place in your mind

Today has been such a weird day. Lately I've wanted nothing to do with school, which completely makes sense in my head. I've been going to school since I was four and I've pretty much just had it. I'm so sick of it. I just want to be working full time. Thank GOD I have only three semesters left, but it feels like an eternity. I hate school. I have to convince myself everyday to not skip any classes, and lately I haven't been winning those battles. But you know, I'm not going to stress about it because it's not the end of the world.

I had a mental breakdown on John tonight. I feel so bad when I do this to him, because I am fully aware of how insane I seem. Most of the time, I'm pretty level-headed and reasonable, unlike most girls my age. But I just have these moments sometimes when I feel like I'm really dumb and stupid and a pain in the butt to everyone around me. Normal, right? I think so, I'm pretty sure most people have these days. But still, I get so mad at myself when I let it affect people around me. I was fine all day and then out of nowhere I just started feeling ridiculous, which makes me so mad. I obviously can't help the way I feel but I can't stand when it affects other people because usually I'm so careful about not letting my mood affect other people. I went nuts tonight venting to John about everything that annoys me - seriously, everything. And that just makes me feel bad about myself because I should be thankful for all that I have, not angry because stupid things bother me. And I feel lazy and stupid because I could be so much smarter and so much more organized and so much more put together. I could be so many things that I'm not and most days, I'm fine with that. Most days I like who I am. Tonight though, man, I have no idea why I started feeling like such a piece of crap. It's nights like these that make me appreciate him even more. I can't really explain how he does it, but somehow he calms me down and helps me realize that things really are OK. He just knows exactly what to say to make me feel better and I'm just constantly grateful that he's a part of my life. And I feel so so so lucky to have him.

I am freezing and have been almost all day. It's driving me crazy, I absolutely hate being so cold. I think I'm going to go take a super hot shower and go to bed because I have another headache and I'm still as nauseaus as I was when I got up this morning. I have had the weirdest appetite lately, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I just dont want to cook anything. I swear, if I didnt have to take this medicine I'm on I wouldn't, because it makes me have no desire to eat. Which, considering my lack-of-eating history, is not good, even though the whole point of the medicine is to make me NOT think about what I'm eating. I guess its doing its job because I dont really care what I eat...so I dont know why I'm complaining. Maybe if I didn't have to go get fuckin anorexic when I was 16 I wouldn't always be so cold and/or obsessive about what I eat. I think I just need to go to bed.

love is a beautiful thing

Hello, one month since I last posted?? I guess I've gotten busy. Doing what, I have no idea because I feel like I've become a slacker again in the last four weeks, but oh well. I can't really think of anything especially exciting that's occurred in the last 28 days. Lots of exciting things coming up though, like Lifehouse tomorrow and Disney in two weeks. What, didn't I just go to Disney? Yep, but I'm going again, this time with my 68 year old grandmother for four days. I'm excited, mostly because I cant wait to see her reaction to how much it's changed there in the ten years since she last went, and because I know she'll have a lot of fun. Today is eight months for John and me, yay for that. And I couldn't be happier with him, for real.

I'm slowly getting myself out of debt, my credit cards are almost paid off and then its time to start paying John back. And THEN I can really start saving my money. I have six weeks of classes left until summer and then after that, only three semesters left until I graduate. What! That's crazy.

I think I've become addicted to diet coke in the last two days. It's better than my chocolate addiction that consumed my life all of last week though, at least this one is calorie-free. I can't concentrate on anything and have developed severe ADD because I'm so excited for Lifehouse tomorrow night and cannot focus on anything longer than three seconds.

hearts and kisses

Happy Valentine's Day! Today was so perfect, I can't even say how lucky I am that I have such an amazing and sweet boyfriend. He had ordered flowers to be delivered to me at work, but they didn't get there in time so he had to call me to tell me about them. He was all upset about ruining the surprise but it was so so so cute, I was so surprised. So I ended up going to work like three hours after I got out to get them, and they were soooooo beautiful. And they came with a teddy bear! And then he surprised me with a Happy Valentine's Day balloon and a huge thing of Hershey Kisses tonight! I seriously don't know how I ended up with someone so perfect. It's not even what he got me, just the thought behind it all. No one has ever done anything like that for me and I was so surprised by all of it. I love him so so so much :)

let it be

Sunday night are possibly my least favorite time of the week. I hate knowing that I have a whole week to get through until the weekend comes again. I hate knowing I'll only see John maybe once during the week. I hate knowing I wont have any time to do anything I want to do for five whole days. Sunday nights suck. I'm going to try to go to the gym after work/school everday Monday through Thursday this week. And on Friday I want to try getting up early and going before class starts at 9, but that's a long shot.

I helped John put more stuff on his car this weekend. We rented two movies and went out to dinner Saturday, and today we went to the mall and visited his sister. He surprised me with tickets to a hockey game for next Saturday which I'm really excited for. I know he loves hockey and it'll be something different to do. He really is the sweetest guy ever :) Although my favorite times are when its just the two of us staying in, I'm excited to go out and do something, especially because I'm not legal to most things he would want to go out and do.

Everyone is cranky at home right now and it makes for an even more miserable Sunday night. I hate living here sometimes and I cannot wait to get ahead with my money so I can move out. Sometimes I wish I could fast forward my life three or four years. Not that I'm not happy, because I am happy, I just wish so bad that I was more financially stable.

I already wish it was Friday.

hello old people, bye bye disney

So...scratch that daycare idea. I got the job today as receptionist/office work/filing at the nursing home in town. 24ish hours a week and the same pay, plus is literally less than a minute down the road from my house, so I took it. Yay! I also quit at Disney tonight which sucked real bad, mostly because I've gotten so attached to the people there and I didn't really think about how quitting would affect that. Kerri gave me a really hard time, which I can understand, but that's not what I was upset about. I'm for real going to miss the people there :( I was on the verge of crying when I got into my car so I called John and he made me feel a little better. And I'm excited about the new job, even if I'm going to be insanely busy from Monday through Friday, but I'll have weekends free to do things and it will be faaaaabulous, yes it will.

Today was another day of rain, rain, rain at school. I was sitting in the car while it was warming up this morning contemplating whether I should go back in the house for my umbrella. I decided not to, out of pure early morning laziness. As I'm driving on the highway I realize I definitely should have gone back for it because my windshield wipers are on the highest speed and I still can barely see clearly. Yeah, not good. But it's too late by this point and I just kept on driving. So much for doing my hair this morning...completley ruined within two seconds of stepping out of the parking garage, not to mention I was freezing all day because I was soaked. Someday I will learn to take the two minutes to go back for the umbrella.

Annnd it's getting close to past my bedtime so goodnight!

i wont go home without you

I GOT THE JOB AT THE DAYCARE!!!!!!! Monday, Wendesday and Fridays after class until the daycare closes!!!

I have to train for two weeks starting a week from today. I also have to get a doctor's note saying I don't have TB and get certified in first aid and CPR. I already went to the doctor today and got tested for TB, and I'm signing up for the Child Care class at the red cross for the 16th. Yay! I also have another interview tomorrow at Portland Care and Rehab for an office job that would be Tuesday and Thursday mornings. I really, really, REALLY hope I get that one too. Then I could easily quit Disney or at least drop to per diem and not have to work anymore weekends!

Today was so productive, I wish everyday could be like today. I got up at 7 and did a bunch of homework. Then I had to go to the gynecologist to get the Gardasil vaccine. I kind of think this is ironic because it's to vaccinate you against HPV and obviously I'm in a relationship so I don't see how I'm going to go out and get an STD but anyways, at least now I can rest easy that I won't get HPV or cervical cancer. I was dead set against getting this vaccine because it's so new and studies have only been going on for 5 years, and I was worried about the longterm affects concerning the ability to have kids. Anyways. So I went to the interview after that and she gave me a tour of the place and then hired me on the spot. Yay! I got really excited and texted John right away and then called my parents cause I was flipping out. Then I went to the gym and worked off some of my excitement, went home and cancelled my hair apointment for tomorrow because I dont have the money to pay for it, made another doctor's apointment for tonight to get the TB shot, and did more homework. Then I called the convalescent home and she wanted to hire me over the phone! So I made an apointment for an interview tomorrow after class, yay for that. Then I had class, the TB apointment and came home. And I've done a ton of research for my religon paper tonight too.

Obviously I'm not being productive right now, but I've done more today than I did all of last semester combined. For real. I dont know what's so different this semester. I'm more organized, motivated, and I am way way WAY happier. Whatever it is, I hope it lasts.

I am determined to go see a show on Broadway before the end of the year. I really want to see the Lion King or Little Mermaid like SO bad. I pretty much just want to go to NYC. I've never been and I live two freaking hours from the city. That's sad.

John McCain and Obama won the CT primaries. I like Obama, but I'm afraid that if he is elected President either he'd be assasinated or some other country would attack us. I hate Hilary. I love McCain, so I'm voting for him because it's pretty obvious at this point that he'll get the bid for Republicans. Oh, and my grandma refers to Hilary as the lesbian whore, which I find hysterical. She blurted that out at dinner last Sunday and I think my dad almost choked on his steak. If you want to stay sane, never ever bring up politics or religion around her. Anyways.

YAY FOR NEW JOBS!

we're feeling alive all over again

I'm really cranky right now and all I want to do is curl up with John and watch tv, even if it's wrestling. Or take a super hot bubble bath but I can't because there would be WWIII chaos if I attempted to use the bathroom for more than 20 minutes. I wish crazy hormones didn't come with being a girl.

I'm sad that Heath Ledger died and I just found out Brad Renfro died too. I had a major pre-teen crush on him when Tom & Huck came out, mostly because he looked like Taylor Hanson. It kind of makes me appreciate my own life and the fact that money doesn't buy happiness, apparently. I always tell myself that my life would be so much better if I had a lot of money to do whatever I wanted, but I'll take my life and the people in it over wealth and fame anyday.

Lifehouse is coming to CT, NY and Boston over the course of a week's time and I'm pretty sure I'm going to the CT and NY shows, so that's exciting. I can't wait to see them again and I really hope they play From Where You Are. Yaayyy.

I still can't breathe right. I had such a hard time lifting all my books at school today, it was pretty pathetic. And walking in the cold...not fun. Today is Wednesday and it was supposed to be "much" better by yesterday, but apparently it's not. It's frustrating. I can't yawn or sneeze because I lose my breath before I can actually yawn or sneeze because it hurts so bad.

I have nothing important to say, as always. BUUUT! This is why I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world:

FedEx08John (5:18:41 PM): guess what
hopesofdreaming4 (5:18:44 PM): what!
FedEx08John (5:18:46 PM): i love you

...but wait, there's more!

hopesofdreaming4 (6:50:19 PM): now i'm in a bad mood
FedEx08John (6:50:33 PM): awww babe
FedEx08John (6:51:59 PM): did i mention that i love you?

Yep...pretty sure he's the best =)

Heath Ledger is dead. =(

Now 10 Things I Hate About You will never, ever be the same again.

I started class today and went to the bookstore after and managed to get all my books plus a surprise for John all for $409.00. Pretty good, considering it would have cost me about $700.00 at the CCSU bookstore full priced.

new year!

For real, I'm keeping up with this now. I have a new computer, yay!

I can't remember ever being happier than I am right now. My life feels so complete and so perfect. Excluding the fact that I am still poor, still at home, and still in school. Things are good at home, minus the occasional issues that come up. Things with John are perfect, I can't imagine how they could be any better. For the first time I'm not looking for something more or something better...he's everything I want and more, even. He keeps me calm and he keeps me in perspective of things. He is really so good for me and I feel like I'm a better person because of him. He supports me and helps me and is always looking out for me. I hope he's as happy with me as I am with him, and I am pretty sure that he is.

So I've been sick for almost a month...just a cold, or so I thought. Saturday morning I started getting this weird pain under my right boob, like a knife going through my rib cage. So my mom and John made me go to the ER yesterday and it turns out I actually have a legit thing wrong with me. The fluid between my lung and rib cage has been pushed out from all the coughing, leaving my lung rubbing against my rib cage. The fluid is what keeps the lung from actually rubbing on the rib, so yeah, it hurts pretty bad. I can't breathe normally, cause if I breathe too deep I get that stabbing feeling. I can't lift or move in certain directions either. Yay for that.

Once this goes away, I'm totally making myself go to the gym at least four days a week. My eating is good, so all I have to do is go to the gym. I've actually lost some weight in the last couple months, yay for me.

School starts tomorrow and I swear I'm not going to skip as many classes as I did last semester. I have good professors and good classes and my schedule is better this year, even though it doesn't leave me much time to work. Speaking of work, I need a better job. At least a job that pays more than minimum wage. I love my job, I just don't get enough hours during the school year and I wish I made like 5$ more an hour.

Things to look forward to:
*6 months with John on Saturday...and the day off!
*Keith Urban/Carrie Underwood show next week!
*Matchbox 20 February 18th!

blustery day

I haven't written in a long time. I've been working between 25-30 hours a week and going to school full time, so things have been a little busy. Overall though, things are great. I am so happy, so it kind of makes any stress not matter as much. I haven't been going to the gym much, so that's my new focus. I love going, it's just been a matter of finding the time to get there. And eating better too, which pretty much translates into making sure I eat enough. I've done good so far this week.

I'm almost done Christmas shopping; I've finished Mom, Dad, and Nanny & Bumpie. I know what I'm getting Erin and John, but I'm stuck on Andrew. The one thing about finishing this early is that I get really anxious to give people their gifts. I also have to send out my cards soon before it's too late.

I am so ready for this semester to be over with. I've got the rest of this week and then Monday & Wednesday next week. Soo looking forward to five weeks with no school. Speaking of, I have to go to the library today and do research on a theologian for my religion class. Not going to be fun.

It's cold and windy and gray outside. That's got to be why so many people hate winter, it's always so sad looking.

It's Friday, yay! I'm off all weekend and I don't have much school stuff to do other than to read a few chapters for sociology. Plus, John and I are house sitting out at Uncle Gary's house which I've been looking forward to, mainly because I need a break from my parents.