something new

Today was my appointment at The Wedding Dress. I was not looking forward to it - I have not lost a significant amount of weight yet and I had no idea what I was looking for! Thank goodness for fat-suckers...they make you look so skinny! Plus, I think many wedding dresses are very forgiving.

Things I learned:
-I do not like shiny material.
-I do not like a ton of lace or a ton of beading.
-I DO like some sparkle - see Dress #2 if you look through the dress pictures.
-There are a lot of styles I love - which makes it even harder to narrow down the list!
-A big, poofy, princess dress does look good on me!
-Having hips does not mean wedding dresses won't look good on me - even I was surprised at how nice I looked in some of them!
-I wanted to cry when I put on dress #3 - which my gut tells me is "the" dress.
-I am so lucky to have family and friends that can go with me on these appointments.

I put pictures of the dresses on photobucket - can't post them on Facebook or on here in case John peeks. If you want the link to see the pictures let me know and I'll send it to you - I definitely want feedback because I am having such a hard time deciding between all of them. We have an appointment to go back on April 10th and I think I'll try to hit up a couple more stores between now and then to see if I find anything else I like. I don't want to look back and regret not trying on more dresses, even though I really think dress #3 is the one for me.

dreams do come true

Disney's Wedding Pavilion

Remember the time I said I was getting married in Disney World?

I am so excited about it. We won't officially know the date until September because Disney has difficult policies. We can't book our ceremony until 12 months out and we can't book the reception until 8 months out. Since we know where we want to have the ceremony and the reception, and we are (I am) very adamant that both of them get booked, we are going to be flexible with our date. So, I'll still book our ceremony at 12 months and cross my fingers that the reception venue will still be available at 8 months. We're hoping to get May 24, 2011 as our date. At the very earliest, I could officially have my date on September 25 of this year and THEN all the real planning can begin.

We want to have the ceremony at the Wedding Pavilion, which is right in between the Grand Floridian Resort & Spa and the Polynesian Resort. We're hoping for a 12:00 or 2:00 ceremony. The reception would follow at the Whitehall Room at the Grand Floridian. It's an adorable octagon room that opens into a gorgeous outdoor patio. The patio would be exclusively ours for the day, which will be perfect for John's nephews to run around in. The reception would start at either 2:00 or 4:00, depending on our ceremony time, but a pre-reception would go on directly after the ceremony while we are having pictures taken.

Following the reception we are going to have a private dessert party on Sago Cay, an area of the resort that is right on the lagoon, to watch the Wishes fireworks show at the Magic Kingdom. (The Grand Floridian Resort is right on the lagoon that overlooks the Magic Kingdom). They will rope off the area so that only our wedding guests attend, and they'll have dessert tables set up for guests to choose from. The soundtrack to Wishes will also be piped in to Sago Cay.

Aside from that, there's really not much to report. I will get my wedding planning kit once we book the date and send in our deposit. Next weekend we are going to try on wedding dresses...so that will be fun! I'm not sure what I'm even looking for. We are doing a fairly casual beach theme, and John and the guys will wear Khacki's with nice (read: non flashy) Hawaiian shirts and sandals. I am almost positive the girls will be wearing tea-length pale yellow dresses, just not sure of the style yet. So, I can't go too crazy with my dress - which is fine because I do not like super elaborate dresses anyway.

Oh, and I think I want calla lilies for my bouquet. Other than that, I'm still looking at things. I have a while before the big day, and it's hard to plan anything without having a date! Send me suggestions! (Especially for dresses!)

once upon a time

 

I just love Taylor Swift.

Not only does she make amazing music that virtually any teenage girl (or older!) can relate to, she is also not your typical basket-case teenage celebrity. She doesn't drown herself in alcohol or throw herself all over every person with a Y chromosome. She doesn't pose naked on magazine covers for thousands of dollars or turn to drugs when things don't go her way. She is as normal as she can be considering her job. She is a good role model. She is also honest, raw, and down to earth. Another awesome quality: she is kind of nerdy, which I love.

I watched her youtube video of the CMA nominee announcements, where she found out she was nominated for five awards. In sweatpants. With her dog. Broadcasting her excitement for all the other nominees, not just herself. It is rare to find a nineteen year old with her charisma, modesty, and talent.

Her music is really good, too. She's got a great voice, real lyrics, and stories that real teenage girls can relate to. (If only she were around when I was in high school...)

So, I was pretty happy when she won Female Vocalist of the Year...and three other awards. I think she deserves it. She's had a HUGE year.

When she won Entertainer of the Year? I cried. This is a girl, just like any of us, who had a dream of making music. In the process of becoming a music superstar she has touched millions of lives with her real-life songs, and she's an amazing role model at the same time. She just looked truly surprised, honored, excited...everything. I think it's awesome that she giggles on stage and shows her excitement...look at what she just won! She deserves it.

 

Besides, it's about time Kenny Chesney stopped winning the award.

 

and i think to myself, what a wonderful world

After this weekend, I may or may not have wedding fever.

Jenny & Stephen's wedding was absolutely beautiful. My mom and I kept saying to each other the entire night "I have never seen a couple look so happy!" "I have never seen a couple so in love!" Really, it makes a wedding that much more special when you can look into their eyes and just know that it's the stuff fairytales are made of. (Of course, this is even more of a reason why Disney was the perfect place for their honeymoon). I don't know if anything has ever made me happier than to be able to send them to Disney. I've been so excited for them to go ever since we booked it, and all day today I was thinking about them. I looked at the clock at 10:30 - they're landing now! 12:30 rolled around and I wondered if they'd made it to the resort. I wonder if they are in Epcot yet, I thought at 3:30. Maybe it's because I LOVE Disney...I've just been bursting with happiness all.freaking.day for them. I cannot wait to hear all about it and see their pictures.

The happy couple

Cousins xo

My very own future-husband xo

There is nothing happier than love. Or weddings. Or maybe even wedding planning...which is something that is making it VERY hard to concentrate on my last semester of school. A fifty page paper due in less than a month? A paper due Thursday? Two group projects due in two weeks? A quiz tomorrow? Pshhh... clearly they are all much less important on my to-do list than reading my wedding books!

P.S. I'm 5.4 lbs lighter than I was two weeks ago! Go me : )

pudge

This semester killed me. The work load was much more than I previously had, and the work was more involved. I worked all day, or went to class all day, and went home to do homework until I went to bed. Every. Single. Day. I did try to keep up with the gym but that fizzled out about six weeks into the semester. I just couldn't find the time, or the energy.

I have not weighed myself, but I feel like the lack of running and lack of watching what I ate took a toll on my body. My clothes are a smidge too tight and I am tired. This is a sign - a sign that the gym is calling for me. Last week, I caved and bought the 30 Day Shred on Amazon....and even got two other Jillian Michael's DVDs all for the super awesome price of $27! The Shred is obviously 30 days, broken down into three stretches of 10 days each. I'm figuring I'll do it Monday thru Friday and take weekends off, so it will be more like the 45 Day Shred for me. I know a lot of people who have tried it, and quite a few lost several inches doing this, so hopefully it will bring me the same results. I figure if I watch what I eat, get in at least 45 minutes of cardio, and do this video and maybe some pilates mixed in, I should be able to get to where I normally am in a month or so.

John and I have found several adorable houses in our price range...and now I am dead set on getting a house instead of a condo! I keep telling myself I only have a few more months to go until we can make and offer, but that's really going to be right around the corner! We better start making appointments to see all these homes, September will be here before we know it.

lots of hairs cut

From :

To:

And in other news, I finally got an appointment with a plastic surgeon to take care of this ugly mess:

irrefutable, indisputable fact is...it happens

This weekend went by too quickly. What else is new?

I got the cutest shirt at New York and Company on Saturday. I only bought one, even though they were on sale and I couldn't pick a favorite color. Why?

John was with me. a.) He hates clothes shopping with me, so I didn't want to make him sit through a half hour of me trying all the different colors. b.) I think rationally regarding money when I'm with him, so I knew I didn't need two of them.

I wore it to work today. Guess what? I need another one. It's so flattering, it makes me feel skinny, and it's SO comfortable.

I do this all the time. I buy multiple pairs of jeans without trying them on, and end up returning half. When I find something that I really LOVE, I only get one. And then when I go back to buy a second or third, they're sold out. Yes, I checked online and they are sold out.

As is the new trend on Facebook, I guess I should end this post with three letters:

FML.

wanna wake up every morning to your sweet face, always

There are days when I long for the week I move out of here. It is getting closer - November will be here before I know it (because we all know summer goes by faster than any other season). Obviously, I want freedom and independence and to support myself, and I want to share my life with John. Those are the most important and influential factors in why we are buying a condo, but I also just crave my own space. I come home from work and have nowhere to go. My sister holes herself up in our room all night, my mom takes over the family room, which leaves me stuck at my desk. (I probably should be stuck at my desk, considering the mammoth amount of homework I have to get done by May 8th). I want my own kitchen where I can cook us dinner everynight, and my own washer and dryer so I can wash clothes the way I like them washed. I want our own bedroom that is not cluttered with our stuff that has nowhere else to be put away. There are too many things that have to be done before all of that can happen, things that are entirely too stressful for my own good. Being pre-qualified is fabulous, but it doesn't erase the fact that we have to find a condo we want to buy and that we can afford when we want to have this all happen. Nor does it erase the fact that this will all be happening in the weeks before I graduate, aka right around the time of finals. But, it does include fun things like shopping for furniture (albeit at Walmart or Target, but still!) and paint and curtains and other things that will make it our home.

I found all of my old Lifehouse B-Sides on my computer today, which has been an excellent distraction from the 5-page trascript I have due on Thursday. Which clearly means spring break is over, and the sucky part of the semester begins (aka the three 12-page papers I have due in a month).

John and I watched the two younger nephews on Saturday. I couldn't help taking pictures, they are so adorable.

Ryan on his "big boy" bike.

Showing off his new front teeth!

chocolate lava cake, anyone?

So...I've been lifting weights at the gym recently. I used to lift, but when I started working a ton of hours last year I had to stop simply because of lack of time. One of my new year's resolutions was to be healthier and I know that lifting weights has all kinds of health benefits...so here I am, getting up even earlier to have more time at the gym to lift. I love it, it's a great stress reliever. I do not love that it makes me insanely hungry on the days I lift.

Speaking of food...anyone who knows me at all knows I am a sucker for molten chocolate lava cakes - in any of the various shapes, sizes and forms they come in. I first fell in love with the Chili's cake five years or so ago. Who can resist a chocolate cake with a gooey, warm chocolate center and a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top? As far as I know, it's irresistable. (Albeit 1280 calories...so my love for this cake was strictly reserved to super special occasions). In 2007, I discovered that one of the restaurants in Disney World had a very similar cake, only better because it was made in Disney. (Obviously, this makes it better). In 2008, I got it a second time when we returned to the restaurant. This past Disney trip, 2009, I found another restaurant that had the dessert, only this time it was the best I've ever had. I even took a picture of it, it was that good.

As I said before, I rarely ever eat these cakes because they are almost equivalent to the number of calories I take in in one day. This gets very bothersome, since I have an innate love for all that is chocolate and gooey. I frequently come home to a house that hasn't an ounce of chocolate in it, leaving me a very annoyed chocolate-less girl.

This all changed though, last Sunday, when I came home to find my mom bought me mini chocolate lava cake desserts that are only 150 calories a piece! No doubt they are not nearly as yummy as the 1300 calorie ones - but they do a good job at filling that chocolate craving at 9:00 at night...without wrecking the 2 hours I spend at the gym in the morning.

This is the yummiest dessert in the history of forever.

the way i loved you

It's been kind of a strange day. I dont really know how to explain it.

I woke up this morning and decided to check my email before leaving for work. Usually I barely have time to brush my teeth before I leave and I still manage to be five minutes late, but today I had a half hour to kill before leaving. Sooo, I decided to see if I got an email from Snapfish (I've been waiting to hear if the gift for John's sister has been shipped) and - surprise! - it shipped yesterday.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw an email from Casey - I know a few Casey's so I didn't think anything of it, until I realized that my cousin's husband's name is Casey. My cousin who was due to have a baby on Christmas. Why would I be getting an email from him? Oh, because she had her baby this morning!

My first reaction was complete excitement - it's been three years since we've had a baby in my family, she's one of my favorite cousins, and she's basically going to be the coolest mom ever. I called my grandma and my mom to tell them - we've been playing the waiting game for two weeks to hear if anything happened. I have been nervous for this though, because of the timing of it all. I was surprised with myself, for being so excited and happy about it all. Babies are exciting, right?

Five minutes later, I was looking at the picture of the baby and starting uncontrollably crying - ten minutes before I had to leave for work. I feel jealous, and sad, and angry...and guilty for feeling anything but happiness for them. It came out of nowhere; happy and excited one second and BAM! uncontrollable tears the next.

I really truly am happy that Isabel is here; my crazy emotions are not related to her or my cousin - it just reminds me of my situation and how I still hide how hard it is to deal with on a daily basis. I haven't really talked about it with anyone - I know that keeping it to myself only makes it that much harder to deal with, but I do it anyway. I play it off like it's not a big deal, I even make jokes about it. But there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it, or wish that it was different. Some days it's easier, and when I think about it, it's just 'ok, this is a part of my life, this is a part of who I am.' Then there are days when it drags me down, when it's all I can think about, when all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry for hours. There are days when I ache to talk to someone about it, but who? No one would understand it. I've told very few people about it - my family doesn't even really know. I think most of the time, I just want a hug and for someone to tell me it's ok. I desperately want to talk about it but I feel like I can't - or if I tried, I'd freeze because I'm afraid of falling apart.

I think, in all honesty, I really just need to let myself fall apart. I dont think I can move on until I do.

the one where i post a lot of pictures

I skipped school today to work on my Swedish immigration paper. It was worth it; I got almost all of it done. It was so cool to read my grandfather's history, and about how my family came to be. I have three years worth of letters from my great-grandfather and great-grandmother during their "courtship" that are so interesting to read them, and I feel really privileged to have those.  It's amazing back then how intact families were, and how they helped each other out no matter what. My great-grandfather lived to be 99 and a half, and no doubt it was because of our amazing family. I don't remember him that much, I was only a year or so when he died, but my mom always tells me how he remembered my name even after he forgot everyone else's - I think it's because I'm named after his mother Emilie, but it makes me feel special anyway. He was such a handsome man, even up into his old age.

Handsome, right?! Not only that, he was a good man...and I'd give anything to be able to talk to him and know him now that I am older. I hope he would be proud that I am writing a paper about him.

While I spent 10 hours working on the project today, I also found time to procrastinate. What better way to procrastinate than take self portraits? I had good intentions (purposeful intentions, even). I was trying to decide what to wear on Thanksgiving, aka my birthday.I don't think I like my hair with side-bangs. But I usually hate my hair when it's up. I just plain old don't like my hair lately.

Hair up with bangs, hair down with bangs, hair off the face with headband?

I tried to get a picture of the bangs, and it came out kinda cool. My skin has been so red and blotchy lately; I hate this cold weather. I need a good non-pimple-creating moisturizer...as if I had the money to buy one.

Lucy was looking so cute this afternoon, I couldn't help myself.

Tomorrow is my last day of work before a glorious 4 day weekend - full of yummy food, turning 21, getting a Christmas tree, seeing my family, and taco salad. I might even go to church with my mom tomorrow night because I know it would make her happy, even though I detest going to church.

a little splurge

Since my birthday is next week, and I have not bought myself much in the last year (besides Pepper, of course), I decided to splurge at my favorite store, New York and Company. Technically, I did not splurge - I used my credit card...and the fact that it was Tuesday (on Tuesdays gold card holders get an extra discount) I justified the $150 on clothes. I got a really nice little black dress for only $60 - obviously, a black dress is a staple (like potatoes or rice) as far as clothing goes. I got a pair of black pants for work, since my favorite pair that I've had since I was a sophomore in high school finally broke apart. I got a nice top for Thanksgiving (aka my birthday) and another top with a shell for work. Not a bad deal for all that stuff.

I have done no school work in the last two days. It's too close to Thanksgiving break...although I really do need to work on my two papers. Thursday night, that's the plan. Don't let me forget!

i'll hold my breath

My family got some sad news that our neighbor of 18 years passed away unexpectedly in a car accident Monday afternoon. Life is just not fair...I don't understand why these things don't happen to the bad people in the world. Why don't the murderers, child molesters, rapists, and arsonists ever get in car accidents and die? Why is it always the good people?

These kinds of things make me feel so guilty. I truly feel so bad for the family; I wish I could do something to ease their pain. Yet at the same time, I feel so lucky to have what I have...and I feel guilty for feeling so happy amidst this sadness. It feels wrong to feel joy and love and all these good things that I have, but I can't help it - I just feel it. This situation terrifies the absolute shit out of me - that someone just like me could have something like this happen to them and that the good things I do have could be torn away at a moment's notice.  I don't know, these things just suck. I never know what to make of them, or what to say, or what to do. I guess there isn't much you can do for people who are in this situation, because nothing will bring him back. Can you imagine that? What it feels like? I'm doing research on this topic for a class, and none of it makes me understand this any better than I do now. The textbooks say that you can't understand death until you've experienced it yourself, and I suppose that has a lot of truth to it. And if that's the case, I never want to understand death.

And while we're on the topic of death, I took my Death and Dying midterm tonight and I think I did pretty well. We'll see next week. I'm doing really well this semester, I have nothing below a 95. Shocking, considering my lack of effort concerning school for the last year and a half. I hope I can keep it up through December, I'd love to get my GPA back above 3.65.

I have pictures of my new haircut. I guess it doesn't look that different, it's cut a bit different but unless you really studied my hair before you wouldn't notice the difference. I can't believe the election is so soon. I still don't like any of the candidates very much. Especially Palin. Amanda has an glorious captioned picture of her in an astronaut suit with "I can see the moon from my house!" bubbled in. AMAZING.

I am still looking forward to Saturday, despite having to go to the funeral. We are taking Milo for his shots at 11:30, and later in the afternoon we have the pumpkin carving party. Have I mentioned that I LOVE AUTUMN??

New Haircut:

(I HATE my cheeks. Why couldn't I have been born with skinny cheeks?!)

today, i am a slug.

I got my period today. I hate it, for many reasons:

-I get insanely tired. I overslept through my alarm today and missed my first class. And I was just about falling asleep during the classes I actually made it to, and ended up leaving early.  If I could, I'd be able to sleep for 20 hours on the first day of my period, THAT'S how wiped out I get.
-I get cravings. For chocolate. For three days before I actually get my period. And especially bad on the first day. Case in point? Today when I brought Erin to work at the bakery, I caved into my overzealous estrogen levels and bought a giant homemade chocolate chunk cookie. Yes, they are as bad for you as they sound. But ohhh so tempting when chocolate is on your mind. Luckily, it was about as big as Cooper's frisbee and I couldn't eat more than two or three bites.
-I pee, a lot. Which gets to be quite annoying when I try to sleep, you know, because I get so tired.
-Cramps. I feel like someone stuck a knife into my uterus and is pretending to cut up a loaf of bread. OW.
-Migraine. Irritable. Over-sensitive. Sore boobs. Yep. All of this.
-Oh, and did I mention that I always gain about five pounds? Yep. For three days, I feel like I need to be wearing a bigger size jeans just to accommodate the extra five pounds of water taking up space in my body. Thanks, water weight.

This is why guys should be thankful for their testosterone.

My new plan is to start watching what I eat - not necessarily counting calories, because I don't want to go back down that road, but just plain eating healthier. And drinking more water. And making sure I do those dreaded pilates DVDs during the week. Why? Because I've read and heard that eating well and getting enough exercise and regularly drinking a lot of water helps minimize the pain of getting your period. For real. It's suppose to make cramps better, irritability better, all of it. I just feel like a giant chocolate chip cookie eating, extra five pounds, overtired slug today. And if I can NOT feel like that next month, well that'd be just awesome.