i'll hold my breath

My family got some sad news that our neighbor of 18 years passed away unexpectedly in a car accident Monday afternoon. Life is just not fair...I don't understand why these things don't happen to the bad people in the world. Why don't the murderers, child molesters, rapists, and arsonists ever get in car accidents and die? Why is it always the good people?

These kinds of things make me feel so guilty. I truly feel so bad for the family; I wish I could do something to ease their pain. Yet at the same time, I feel so lucky to have what I have...and I feel guilty for feeling so happy amidst this sadness. It feels wrong to feel joy and love and all these good things that I have, but I can't help it - I just feel it. This situation terrifies the absolute shit out of me - that someone just like me could have something like this happen to them and that the good things I do have could be torn away at a moment's notice.  I don't know, these things just suck. I never know what to make of them, or what to say, or what to do. I guess there isn't much you can do for people who are in this situation, because nothing will bring him back. Can you imagine that? What it feels like? I'm doing research on this topic for a class, and none of it makes me understand this any better than I do now. The textbooks say that you can't understand death until you've experienced it yourself, and I suppose that has a lot of truth to it. And if that's the case, I never want to understand death.

And while we're on the topic of death, I took my Death and Dying midterm tonight and I think I did pretty well. We'll see next week. I'm doing really well this semester, I have nothing below a 95. Shocking, considering my lack of effort concerning school for the last year and a half. I hope I can keep it up through December, I'd love to get my GPA back above 3.65.

I have pictures of my new haircut. I guess it doesn't look that different, it's cut a bit different but unless you really studied my hair before you wouldn't notice the difference. I can't believe the election is so soon. I still don't like any of the candidates very much. Especially Palin. Amanda has an glorious captioned picture of her in an astronaut suit with "I can see the moon from my house!" bubbled in. AMAZING.

I am still looking forward to Saturday, despite having to go to the funeral. We are taking Milo for his shots at 11:30, and later in the afternoon we have the pumpkin carving party. Have I mentioned that I LOVE AUTUMN??

New Haircut:

(I HATE my cheeks. Why couldn't I have been born with skinny cheeks?!)