its my favorite time of the year

First, to answer Jen's question: Starting around April, I began feeling nauseous ALL the time. I went to see lots of doctors, who couldn't explain why I felt sick constantly. I had procedures done, and still nothing was found out. In September they sent me to a stomach-emptying-study. This required me to fast for one day, and then go to the hospital for a 2-hour test. They fed me scrambled eggs that had radioactive ions in them, and they I laid under a big x-ray machine for 2 hours while it took pictures of how my stomach emptied its contents.

Come to find out, I have gastroparesis, which essentially means my stomach muscles cannot push food out (hence my term "paralyzed stomach"). They tell me it is a result of years of starving myself and throwing up. (Figures, right? After being healthy for a year, and on top of it all, THIS happens!) So now, I have to take a little pill thirty minutes before each meal, and it stimulates my stomach to contract and effectively digest food. Annoying, but so far it's working.  And it kicked my metabolism into gear and I've lost eight pounds. Yay!

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Today I realized that I never let myself live in the moment. I am always focused on some kind of agenda. Get work done, get homework done, get to class on time, pay my bills on time, do this, do that. Today was such a beautiful day and I realized an hour ago, once it was dark and too cold, that I missed out on a gorgeous fall day.

I was outside a lot today, walking between classes, but I never noticed the day. I knew it was sunny; I knew it was nice out. But I didn't stop to appreciate it. I think I should start doing that more - appreciating things while I have them, and not wishing differently or being too busy to really notice.



I love autumn. I love the leaves, the cool air, the cinnamon smell, the pumpkin carving, the mums, the crisp blue sky. So far, the weekends have all been rainy and I really hope that I get at least one good weekend this month. To go pick pumpkins, or go for a walk in the leaves, or just enjoy how GORGEOUS it is this time of year. And wear a sweater! A new sweater, preferably ;)

And I'll just repeat this, because it makes me happy to repeat it a million times: I am so lucky to have someone like John in my life. I love him so much I could burst and shoot happiness out everywhere. He's the best <3