I love when a song says exactly what I'm feeling.
I want more, but I don't. I am happy, but I'm frustrated. I feel loved, but I don't feel wanted. I feel wicked insecure about myself and I don't know why.
I am so frustrated right now, with school, and my life being static, and being broke, and not being able to buy good Christmas gifts this year. I hate when I can't buy good gifts.
Some days, I'm really proud of myself for doing what I've done with my life. I've gotten through three major life catastrophes relatively unscathed, and I'm pretty proud of how I handled them. I could have not gotten help for my eating disorder, but I chose to ask for it. I almost died from a freaking deer, but I didn't let it slow me down. I handled a life changing surprise with relative ease, and dealt with the outcome as best I could. The latest has been hard, and it doesn't want to go away, but I still think I am handling it fairly well...if you consider skipping out on my cousin's baby shower because I was terrified of going handling it fairly well, that is. I'm proud of myself for not letting this appear as traumatic as it feels most days. And some days, when I'm really proud of myself, I wonder if I'm doing enough to make myself truly happy. Because I deserve it.
I dont really know what the point of this is.
3 comments:
I thought I'd already commented on this.
I am proud of you, for what you've been through and then come out of even stronger. I think skipping a baby shower is understandable, that is a pretty big deal when it is a party centered around something so traumatic for you. Remember you don't always have to put on a brave face. *hug*
Big hugs to you Em - you're a brave girl, and not many could've come through all the stuff you have and handle it so gracefully. xoxoxo
I think you're pretty amazing really.
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